Blinding Trust (Mitchell Family, #7)(59)

“Is there a chance that I could die?”

He took a deep breath. “Cancer is ugly. It takes lives and I’m not going to sugar coat things for you. Right now, where we stand, I have no reason to believe that you can’t beat this. However, you’re going to have to be monitored for the rest of your life. If or when it does come back, we’ll catch it early enough to treat. I tell all of my patients the same thing. You need to take it one day at a time. You absolutely can not dwell on the negative aspects of this. I realize you have a million emotions rolling through your mind, but I do think we can get you through this.”

He was right about the emotions. I felt like I was going to be sick. As the vomit reached my mouth, I ran out in search of a toilet.

Even after I’d finished getting sick, I slouched down on the cold tile floor and lost control. How could this be happening to me? I was always so healthy. I went to church, said my prayers, and tried to be the best person I could be. What did I ever do to deserve this kind of punishment?

A knock on the bathroom door startled me. “Savanna, darlin’, are you alright?”

I stood up and unlocked the door. Colt came in while I was wiping off my face. “I’m not okay. It’s never going to be okay again.” I cried so hard that I know everyone in that office could hear me. I didn’t even care. The doctor’s words continued to repeat in my mind. Over and over I heard him telling me that I had cancer.

“He said we can beat this.”

“He doesn’t know for sure. What if it’s already spread through my body? What am I going to do? How are we going to tell the kids?”

He held me close and rubbed my back. “I ain’t goin’ to lose you, Savanna.”

He could say that as many times as he wanted. It wouldn’t change the fact that I could be dying.

Once he talked me out of the bathroom, the doctor was already with other patients. He had given Colt a bunch of information to take home and go over. The front desk clerk scheduled my first surgery in one week’s time. It was all just happening so fast that I felt like my life was spinning out of control.

Colt was quiet as he drove us home. I leaned my head against the glass window and sobbed. He could have been crying too, but I didn’t have the strength to look his way to see. I just couldn’t handle it.

When we got home, he came around to my side of the vehicle and helped me out of the car. He kept his arm around me until I was laying down on the couch, but still said nothing. Maybe he knew I couldn’t deal with talking about it, or maybe he was just as broken up as I was about it.

After he got me some tea, he went into his office and closed the door. I could hear the murmurs of him talking on the phone. I knew he was calling the family. He was trying to be respectful, but just knowing he was in there telling everyone I loved my bad news, was difficult. I almost felt like I just wanted to get through it all by myself, instead of them worrying about me.

I could hear my cell phone vibrating in my purse. It had been doing it for a while and I couldn’t handle talking to anyone.

When Colt came out of the office, he heard it and pulled it out. I could see the look on his face and knew who had called. He pushed the blanket to the side and sat down on the edge of the couch. “How are you doin’?”

I shrugged. “Not good. When do the kids get home?”

“Your parents are keepin’ them. I think your dad said they are going to take them to bible school tonight, so they won’t think anything of it.”

“How did they take the news?” Right away, my eyes began to burn.

He took his hat off and tossed it on the table, then wiped his face with one of his hands. “They’re upset. They kept askin’ me a bunch of questions.”

“I can only imagine what they must be feeling. I’m their only child. They moved here to be close to me. What will happen if this takes my life?”

He turned and looked me right in the eyes. I could see the pain that he was carrying. His eyes were red and I knew he’d gotten emotional in his office. “It ain’t goin’ to. Savanna, please stop talkin’ like that. You’ve got so much to live for, darlin’. I don’t think I could live a single day without you. We all need you. I don’t care how hard it gets. You’re goin’ to fight this. You hear me?”

I nodded but continued to cry. I hated this so much. It was so difficult.

“When you went into the bathroom, the doctor told me that he thinks you have a good chance at beatin’ this. Darlin’, I know you can. I’ve seen you fight for what you want.”

With every feeling playing heavy on my mind, there was one thing that I knew for certain. “I won’t give up! I promise.”

He leaned over and kissed me. “That’s my girl.” He smiled, just enough to show me he was proud. Then he reached over and handed me my phone. “You better call Ty. He’s sent you several messages and I know he’s worried.”

I didn’t feel like talking, but I certainly didn’t want him jumping on a plane again, so I called Ty.

It’s about time.

I didn’t feel like talking.

Well, you can’t just leave me hanging. I knew Colt wasn’t going to call. I had to hear it from Conner. Do you know how sucky that was for me?

Can you not make this about you? I have bigger problems than wondering who knows my business.