Bereft (Seven Year Itch #2)(48)
All I could do was wait to hear from Rachel. If the guy Chad was a good man, he’d let her make up her own mind. Either way I doubted I’d hear from her. I feared my time with Rachel was over a while ago.
Chapter 27
Rachel
“I can’t believe I agreed to this,” I said to Chad as we were going down the stairs to the parking garage. Friday had come too fast, and within hours I’d be on my way to spend a weekend with my husband, Grayson, who I hadn’t even begun to forgive for destroying our marriage. He may have been trying to convince me otherwise, but I still resented him for cheating, and didn’t feel he was wholeheartedly sorry. Sure, he regretted the decision, but six months was a long time to continue something you knew was a bad idea, unless it was important. I couldn’t stop thinking about the times he’d come home whistling or beside himself with happiness. I wondered if one of those times he’d been with her, or perhaps all of them. The idea gave me a stomach ache. On few occasions, I’d gotten so upset I’d become sick over it. Yet, here I was, making the choice to spend a couple days with him.
I’d wanted to back out, especially after noticing the way Chad had withdrawn since our talk about it. I felt like every attempt I made to move forward, he was throwing my past into my face, telling me I needed to figure out my life. Maybe he was frustrated being in limbo. We’d been sleeping together for weeks, yet never discussed a future. I wondered what I meant to him on a daily basis, but he made me so happy I didn’t want to chance finding out I didn’t mean the same to him. I was falling hard for Chad, finding happiness when I was surrounded by pain. He’d saved me in some ways, showing me I was worth fighting for, although in this situation, he’d been the opposite. It was as if he was on Grayson’s side. It drove me mad, especially since he’d been around from day one to see the agony I’d gone through.
He’d seen me at my lowest, and brought me back from wanting to give up. Sure, our relationship had been based on sex, but we’d grown into something else, something I wasn’t sure how to explain. Chad not begging me to stay home with him was torturing me.
It hurt my feelings, especially since we spent so much of our lives together now. I couldn’t recall one single day where we hadn’t been together. He made me smile. He taught me how to love my body. He seemed to love it too.
“It’s a couple days. It’s not like you’re being forced. Don’t make it harder on yourself.”
Arguing was my only way to get my point across. “I haven’t wanted to be near the man. Why do you think this could be a good idea?”
He turned and stared me in the eyes. “Do you still love Grayson, Rach?” I used to get offended when he called me that, but now I appreciated having a nickname, especially from Chad.
I shrugged. “I promised to love him forever when we married, but that was destroyed the moment he screwed my daughter’s childhood friend. It makes me sick. I’m torn on how I feel. He broke my heart. It’s still breaking.”
“A heart can’t be broken unless it loves.”
He had a valid point. If I didn’t love Grayson, I wouldn’t have cared who he was screwing. “What about us?” I blurted out.
“Us?” He shook his head and cackled. “We’re friends, Rach. You know that. We have a good time together. We’re very compatible, so it’s fun being together.”
“We’re more, at least to me we are.”
“Nevertheless, you’re in love with your husband, who you promised to love forever. Correct? Isn’t that what this is about? Grayson wants you back. He’s made it abundantly clear. You say he isn’t trying, but he is. He’s going above and beyond to get you back.”
I hated when he had a point. “I suppose.”
He lifted his hand up to graze my cheek. “We’ll talk when you get back. Until then, I think it’s important you focus on this weekend. Give it a chance. Don’t leave any rock unturned.”
I nodded, even though I didn’t agree. I wanted to spend my weekend tangled up in Chad’s sheets, where he’d make all my stress dissipate.
“I’ll miss you,” I managed to say.
“Yeah. It’s going to be quiet without you around. I’m sure I’ll find something to get into. There’s a men’s physique competition a few of my friends are competing in. I may go check that out.”
“Can I call you?” I don’t know why, but I felt like this was goodbye, and I hated it.
“I’d rather you not. Don’t give Grayson a reason to become angry. Devote your time to him, even if it’s to tell him goodbye. You both deserve it. Closure is a bitch, but you can’t leave it unresolved.”
I hugged Chad, unable to give up hope that I’d come home to him. “Thank you for understanding. You’re very kind. I’m lucky to have you in my life. I’m just sorry you have to deal with it, with all of my drama.”
“Yeah, I knew what I was getting into. It’s cool. I’m not a relationship kind of guy, but I get it. You however, you deserve to be madly in love with a man who wants the same. It’s obvious Grayson is trying. Otherwise, he would have given up sooner. You always said he was a good guy, Rach. Maybe this weekend will settle your mind. Maybe you’ll say goodbye. Maybe you’ll rekindle what you once had for each other.”