Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(8)

“I’m afraid he’s been in and out all day. They’re giving him morphine for the pain. It’s keeping him sleepy.”

“Can you give me a minute?” I asked.

She came over and put her hand on my shoulder. “Even if he’s asleep, I know he can hear us. It might be a good time to get your goodbyes in, Chad. I don’t want you to miss the opportunity. I know how much he means to you. I’ll be outside if you need me.”

I nodded when she left, but never turned to address her. My mind was focused on one thing, on the one man I owed everything in my life to.

I reached forward and ran my hand across his. His skin was colder than mine, his wrinkled hands wired up to a drip line, his veins more apparent than I remembered them being the last time I’d visited. With his eyes closed he looked peaceful, even though I doubted it was the case. He was ready to give up, and I had to come to terms with it.

I spoke softly. “Hey, Granddad. It’s me, Chad. I’m here.” I could feel a warm rush of fluids falling down my cheeks, but refused to wipe it away. “I got here as fast as I could. I promised you I would. I promised you I wouldn’t let you down.” I had to pause. It was too heartbreaking to continue. “I wish there was something I could do for you. Just know I’m here. I’ll stay with you.” I squeezed his hand a bit.

All of a sudden I felt his hand twitch underneath mine. I lifted my head to find his lids opening. He had oxygen tubes covering his mouth, but I could tell he was trying to say something. I lifted it away only a couple inches to be able to hear him better. His air-filled voice was almost a forced whisper.

“Be happy. Be happy Ra.”

I didn’t know what he was trying to say, but I got the gist of it having to do with my happiness. It was entirely too much to accept. I had to lie to the man, because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if his last dying wish wasn’t fulfilled. “I am happy, Granddad. I have everything I’ve ever wanted.”

He started to shake his head, and then began a fit of coughing. I put his oxygen tubes back on and moved away as a nurse came in to check on the situation. In that moment, all I could do was stand there watching him suffer. I hated it, but knew he needed my support. I was a man of my word.

I didn’t head back in his direction until the nurse walked away. I put my hand over his again, reminding him I was still there. “You look like crap, old man.”

He kept blinking, almost smiling with his eyes. I tried to do the same through my tears, while he struggled to speak again.

I looked to make sure there wasn’t anyone watching before lifting his tubes away one more time. “Home. Come. Ra. Happy. Ra.”

He made no sense. I nodded, not knowing what to say in response. Then he slowly faded off to sleep, his monitors reminding me he was still with us.

I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting bedside, hoping and praying this wouldn’t be the last day of his life.

I’m not really sure what time it was when I heard someone come into the room. I’d fallen asleep to the constant sound of my grandfather’s vitals. When I finally sat up and opened my eyes I was in shock. I should have known she’d kept tabs on him, but I never expected to see her, not here in the hospital after I’d just been thinking about her.

Her hair was longer again, opposed to the last time I’d seen her when she’d cut it short. She’d darkened it and added a few layers. It was bone straight, sitting against the shoulders of her tight-fitted cotton T-shirt. Her jeans allowed every single curve of her hips to be on display.

When my eyes finally met hers, I was at a loss for words. Good thing Rachel did all the talking. “I was wondering if you’d be here. I knew Gracie called you. She’d been so upset when I spoke with her earlier.”

My voice cracked as I replied. “I came as soon as I got the news. He’s lived a long life.”

“That he has.” Rachel took another step closer, reaching the opposite side of the bed. She looked down at my grandfather, leaned her face forward, and kissed him on the cheek. “He’s fought for too long, Chad. When I spoke with him last week he told me he was tired. I thought he just needed a nap, but now I wonder if he knew time was running out. He talked about strange things.”

“Like what?” I inquired curiously.

She shrugged. “He asked me about us.”

Right away I noticed her wedding ring on her finger. Of course she’d still be married to Grayson. I don’t know why I hoped differently since I was in the same predicament. This woman standing before me would always hold a place in my heart. It was just hard accepting that was all she’d ever be. Rachel had never been mine to begin with. We were together on borrowed time, what seemed like ages ago. “Us?”

“I figured you’d told him.”

I shook my head. “I never said a word. I mean, for a while we weren’t very discreet. It’s not like we were keeping it a secret.”

“Maybe he never felt comfortable mentioning it because he thought it would strain our friendship.”

I smiled. Rachel had been an amazing friend to my grandfather. In many ways I think he thought of her as being family. “He loves you. He always has.”

She knew I didn’t mean it romantically. Rachel’s head bobbed up and down while she started to sniffle. “I know. I love him too. He’s been there for me so much. I wouldn’t have anything if it weren’t for your family.”