Always Have: A Bad Boy Romance(21)

“It’s fine, baby girl,” I say with a smile. “Come sit.”

She takes the lounge chair next to mine. Her shorts show the length of her legs, and her tits look magnificent in her little tank top. I try not to stare too much.

“What?” she says.

I raise my eyebrows. “What do you mean, what?”

“Why are you looking at me?”

Shit, I’m not doing a good job of not staring. Oh well, f*ck it, then. “Because you’re a beautiful woman.”

“Knock it off, Brax,” she says.

“Knock what off?” I ask, feigning innocence.

“You know,” she says.

I’m getting hard looking at her, and I do need to knock that off. It’s been easier dating a girl who doesn’t seem to hate Kylie, but I can’t help but feel like Aubrey’s hiding a vindictive streak under that smile. She’s a little too friendly to Kylie. Too forced. If Aubrey comes back to find me sporting a hard-on while I’m alone with Ky, it might break that facade apart.

But would that be such a bad thing, really?

“What are you reading?” I ask. I should stop staring at her, but I don’t want to stop talking to her. We’ve hardly seen each other over the last couple months.

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s just a suspense thing someone at work loaned me.”

She opens the book, but I can tell from the angle of her face that she isn’t reading. She’s staring out at the river. I watch her from the corner of my eye, wondering what she’s thinking.

I’m losing her.

The thought comes to me out of nowhere, and I get a sick feeling in my stomach. We’re growing apart. In my quest to commit to a relationship, I’ve inadvertently pulled away from Kylie. She’s pulling away from me, too—more and more each day. Is this the inevitable decline of our relationship? Am I going to wake up ten years from now, married with a couple kids, and realize I haven’t talked to her in years?

I take another drink, trying to drown that thought.

“So, how are things with Aubrey?” she asks, her voice tentative.

Her question takes me completely by surprise. “Um…” I hesitate. Should I talk to her about this? What should I say? What can I say? “Yeah, you know, not bad.”

Chicken shit.

“Good,” she says. “That’s good.”

“Why?” I ask.

Now she looks like she’s not sure what to say. “I don’t know. I was just wondering.”

I take a breath. “Actually, I’m not really sure how it’s going.” At least that’s honest.

“Why not?” she asks.

This is uncharted territory for us, and I have another sudden revelation. I’ve always considered our unspoken pact to be something that protects her. But it occurs to me as I choose my words, that more than anything, I’m protecting myself. Because if we get too deep into this topic, how am I going to avoid telling her that the real reason I’m shit with women is that none of the women I’m with are her?

I wouldn’t be shit with her. Fuck, I really wouldn’t.

I’d be different with Kylie. I wouldn’t push her away. I’d cherish her, like she deserves to be cherished. I’d let her in.

Damn it, why do I keep thinking this way? This is what I was trying to stop doing.

I take a deep breath. All right, if we’re going to have this conversation. “There are good things about her,” I say, testing the waters, “but I’m not sure if this is right for me.”

“Maybe it just hasn’t been long enough,” she says. “Relationships take time to build.”

I nod, taking a swig of beer. “Is that what you think? That I need to give it more time?”

She pauses, chewing on her bottom lip. “If she makes you happy, then yeah.”

“Do you think she makes me happy?”

“Honestly, Braxton, I wouldn’t know. You seem happy, I suppose.”

Okay, so if she can ask, does that mean I can too? “So, how are things with Derek?”

She hesitates. I love that she hesitates. It means she has a reason, something that makes her think. “Good, I guess.”

“You guess?” I ask.

“Well, yeah, it hasn’t been that long,” she says. “There are good things about him, too.”

“But?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” she says. “Maybe there isn’t a but.”

“I could hear the but,” I say.

She laughs. “Now you sound like you’re trying to talk dirty again.”

I raise an eyebrow and grin at her. “You want me to start talking dirty?”

She lets out an exasperated sigh. “Derek is fine. He’s a good guy. He’s nice to me, and he’s fun to hang out with.”

I pause, watching her. God, I want to f*ck this woman. I want to f*ck her so hard, and so good, she’ll never want anyone else for the rest of her life. I want to give her every inch of me, bury myself deep inside her, show her how long I’ve wanted her.

“I’m not the man you think I am, Kylie.” Shit. That’s not what I meant to say.

Her eyes are on me, but I don’t meet her gaze.

“What do you mean?” she asks.