Always Have: A Bad Boy Romance(16)

Appetizers arrive, and Selene doesn’t say anything about Kylie. I get caught up in a conversation with Matthew about the ins and outs of Seattle losing the Sonics, while Selene and Aubrey chat. The food here is great; I resolve to come back more often, even if just for the homemade potato chips and beer.

I know the second she walks in. I’m not even looking at the front door. I feel it. The hair on my arms raise and the back of my neck tingles. Selene smiles and waves. I slam my walls up around me, hard. Nothing is getting through tonight.

Kylie comes to the table and pauses, her hand on the empty chair. Fucking hell, she’s beautiful. Her hair is down in loose waves around her face, and she’s dressed in an ass-hugging pair of jeans and an aqua blue top. The color makes her eyes more blue than gray, standing out against her pale skin.

“Hey, you guys,” she says with an easy smile. “Sorry I’m late. Work, you know?”

“No problem, babe,” Selene says. “We haven’t ordered dinner yet.”

Kylie puts her purse over the back of the chair and takes her seat. I swallow hard, trying to get my shit under control. This is not the first time I’ve introduced her to a girl, so why are the words suddenly dying in my throat? She looks at me expectantly—and then the weirdest thing happens.

“Hi,” Aubrey says, her voice friendly. She reaches out her hand to Kylie. “I’m Aubrey. It’s so nice to meet you. Braxton has told me so much, I feel like I already know you. I hope that’s not weird.”

Kylie looks a little stunned, but she recovers quickly, shaking hands with Aubrey. “It’s really nice to meet you too, Aubrey.”

Aubrey starts asking Kylie questions, her tone light. There’s no hint of jealousy on her face. No sign that she’s uncomfortable with meeting this woman, who I’ve made clear is an important part of my life.

What the hell?

This has literally never happened before. Aubrey chats with Kylie and Selene all through dinner, treating both of them like new friends. Kylie seems relaxed. She laughs and talks. That’s weird, too. She’s usually closed off toward my dates—nice, even chatty at times, but always reserved. Granted, my dates aren’t usually this friendly toward her, so maybe that’s the difference. Kylie is simply following Aubrey’s lead.

Or maybe Ky is actually happy that I’m with Aubrey.

A very disturbing realization comes to me. I liked the fact that the women I date are uncomfortable with Kylie. It was like my secret trap door. I could always fall back on my girlfriend not getting along with my best friend as an out. Kylie isn’t going anywhere, so if the girl I’m dating can’t handle that, it’s an easy excuse to end things and move on.

I’d never thought about it that way before this moment, and I’m not sure how to feel about it now that I know.

I’m also not sure how I feel about the fact that my new girlfriend and Kylie seem to be getting along fabulously.

I’m feeling out of control, and I do not like it. I don’t do out of control, especially when Selene is watching. I take a long pull from my beer.

This is what I wanted, isn’t it? Dating someone for real, without an end game already forming in the back of my mind. Seeing my date get along with Kylie, like we could all hang out regularly and it wouldn’t be awkward. Knowing that Kylie will sooner or later not show up to Friday night dinner and drinks alone. She’ll be with someone new, and he could be different, too. He could be the one who does it right. Who treats her the way she deserves, and gives her what she needs. This is what moving on looks like. What it feels like.

It feels kind of f*cking awful.

But I don’t let an ounce of that show. I put a hand on Aubrey’s thigh. I smile at Selene. I laugh when Matthew makes a shitty joke. I can’t quite look at Kylie, but I try to hide that, too.

I keep it casual. Easy. Like this night is nothing more than a bunch of friends hanging out, having a few beers.

Because that’s what it f*cking needs to be.





I don’t want to admit it, even to myself, but I’ve been avoiding Braxton and Selene.

Whenever they want to hang out, I’m quick to make an excuse: I’m tired from a long week at work, I need to go visit my dad, I’m going to chill at home. I can tell Selene is annoyed with me. Her texts keep getting shorter. I feel bad, and I’ve almost apologized at least ten times. But every time I try to say sorry I haven’t been around lately, I come to the part where I explain why, and I can’t.

I’ve been the odd woman out before. That’s usually mildly annoying, but it’s never stopped me from hanging out with them. I might decline a group dinner, but meet up with them for drinks another time. Or find ways to hang out with them without their dates. But lately, I just can’t do it.

I don’t understand why. What kind of person can’t be happy for their friends when their friends are happy? That’s all kinds of f*cked up. Selene and her new guy are getting along well, and Braxton seems like he’s actually found someone outside the tall, blond, resting-bitch-face mold. Aubrey didn’t even seem like she hated me, which was weird as hell. I should be glad for them.

But I’m not.

I know I should stop telling myself this is about both of them. If it was just Selene, I’d have no issues. I am glad for Selene, genuinely.

Which means it’s about Braxton, and I do not want to explore what that means for me.