Always Have: A Bad Boy Romance(22)

I take another drink of beer. I need to adjust my dick because it’s trying to stand straight up, but she doesn’t look away. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but I feel like maybe I’ve made it all worse.”

I expect her to ask what I’m talking about, but she just stares at me. “Maybe things can still be better,” she says, her voice quiet.

I freeze, staring at the water. My body aches with need for her. I want to scoop her up in my arms, pull her on top of me, and kiss her until neither of us can breathe.

This is wrong.

I’m trying to do things right. Neither of us are single. I might be an unbridled *, but I won’t be that guy.

I get up and walk inside before I do something I’ll regret.





As soon as Selene gets back with groceries, I make a bee-line for the booze.

I regretted coming here the moment we arrived. I know Selene wants to turn us into a little Friends-esque group of three and three, but there’s just no way that’s happening. Despite the fact that Aubrey is nice to me, it’s fake. I know it’s fake. I’m not sure what her game is, but there’s no sincerity about her. Not with anyone.

She’s using Braxton for his money, and it pisses me the hell off. She’s not the first gold digger he’s attracted, but she seems more insidious than most. She hides it so well. I hope he’s being careful with her, because she totally strikes me as the type to get knocked up on purpose.

I take my Solo cup—mostly rum, with a little splash of coke—and sit at the kitchen table. I haven’t seen Braxton since he started talking like a f*cking alien took over his body, then walked off without another word. His voice made me shiver more than usual when he said he’s not the man I think he is.

What did that mean?

Derek gets back from his run, all sweaty and flushed. He takes a bottled water out of the fridge and swallows half of it in one go. “Hey, babe, I need a shower. Wanna join me?”

I probably should want to join him, but I’m not in the mood. Like, at all. I give him an apologetic smile. “I just poured a drink, and this book is so good.”

He doesn’t look disappointed, just shrugs. “All right. I’ll be down in a bit.”

I’m glad he doesn’t push, but would it kill him to give a shit?

Derek is the other problem. The awkwardness between him and Braxton is impossible to ignore. At first, Derek seemed fine with Brax. I figured it was because they already knew each other. But that’s changing—fast. I see the way Derek gives him the side-eye when Braxton talks to me. If he had seen Brax and I outside on the balcony earlier, I’m sure I would have heard an earful about it.

It sucks, because Derek is Braxton’s client—an important one. If I can’t manage to keep these two relationships from clashing, I’m worried I’m going to ruin that for Braxton. I don’t want to be the reason he loses a client, but the level of hostility between them seems to be growing.

I finish off more of my drink. It burns going down and quickly spreads, making my head a little fuzzy. I decide I’d like it to be more than a little, and take another gulp. This is how I’ll get through the rest of the weekend. I won’t sit here brooding about how confused I am, stressing about the fact that I think Braxton is making a huge mistake with Aubrey, wondering if I’m making a huge mistake with Derek.

I’ll drown all that bullshit in rum, and have a good f*cking time.

My let’s-party attitude is contagious, and pretty soon the drinks are flowing.

Braxton reappears, and seems to think my plan is a good one. I see him pound two shots in a row as soon as he gets to the kitchen. Aubrey, the little gold digger, changed into her new dress, and she hangs on Braxton’s arm like she needs to mark him.

By the time the sun goes down, we’re all drunk as shit.

Even Derek, who doesn’t usually drink much, is laughing his ass off with Matthew. I have no idea what they’re talking about that’s so funny, but I don’t really care. I’ve had too much rum to care about anything.

I sit on the couch, half-listening to the conversation, and realize everyone is sharing stories about losing their virginity. Selene looks a little wistful as she talks about her high school boyfriend’s attempt at romance. Matthew’s was in the back of a car. Derek’s was after winning a big football game—because of course it was. Aubrey’s was camping, and suddenly everyone is laughing at Matthew’s “f*cking in tents” jokes. Braxton is oddly tight-lipped about his. I’m expecting him to brag about how awesome he was from the beginning, but he just shrugs and says something about sneaking her into his bedroom.

All eyes turn to me. Oh, god. Do I really have to play this game? I don’t like talking about my first time. It’s not a good story.

“What about you, Kylie?” Matthew asks.

I hedge for time by taking a drink.

“It’s fine, she doesn’t have to answer,” Selene says.

I give her a grateful smile.

“What’s the big deal?” Matthew says. “It’s not like it was last week.”

“No, it just wasn’t that great,” I say.

Aubrey laughs, then meets my eyes. “Well, no one’s first time is that great. Come on, Kylie. We all told ours.”

My back stiffens. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s challenging me. “Fine,” I say. Somewhere in the back of my head I realize that if I was sober, I’d never tell this story. Not here. Not with these people who barely know me. I’ve never even told Braxton.