Addicted to the Duke (Imperfect Lords #1)(29)

“But surely they know I’m under your protection; they wouldn’t dare hurt me. Where would they go?”

Alex’s eyes raked her from head to foot. “Men often don’t think with their heads. And for a woman like you, they’d dare. Besides, there are other dangers such as falling rigging or being knocked overboard.”

His tone cut her like a knife. What did he mean, a woman like her? “I see. I shall of course be careful.”

Alex’s voice turned cold. “Stay in your cabin unless escorted on deck. I have enough to worry about without you falling overboard or worse.” And he turned back to his maps as if she didn’t exist.

What was causing Alex’s foul mood? “Are we being followed?” Her pulse hitched.

“Not that we can tell. However, they could be waiting ahead for us too.”

Guilt swamped her. All these men were in danger too. “I’m sorry for having dragged you into this. There was no one else.”

“Only because you stubbornly refused to marry over the past few years.”

Pain ripped into her chest. He spoke of her marrying someone else as casually as he spoke of the weather. “You appear to be in no rush either. You have a duty to produce an heir—”

“I’m not the one needing protecting. If you’d married like your father wished, I would not be in this position. Did you think on that?”

He’d never seemed so cold before. Worse still, she knew he was right. He was in this situation because she had no one to protect her. In a blaring instant, the truth hit her. She was as selfish as her father, putting her wants and desires before anything else. She’d refused every offer of marriage for the dream of Alex. Look what that was now costing him.

He was beginning to hate her and she could not bear that.

She stood, maintaining as much dignity as she could, dressed in her oversized men’s attire. “You are right. Turn the ship around. Go back to England. There is another way. My father will have to look out for himself. Me, I will have to marry regardless of my feelings and desires. Just like many other women, I have no choice.”

To her surprise Alex’s firm mouth softened. He moved to the end of the cabin and walked out onto the balcony calling over his shoulder. “It’s too late to turn back.”

She followed him and stood next to him. “No it is not.”

He stared down at her, his eyes looking for—she was not sure what. “Sorry, that was unkind to put this situation all on you. I’m sailing because I owe your father.”

What was that she saw in his eyes? Guilt. As if he lied. Guilt over what? “I know he helped rescue you from Murad, but surely you repaid that by rescuing me.”

A flicker of remorse crossed his fine features.

“I will never be able to repay your father for what he did for me,” he uttered softly.

She noted the haunted look slipping into his eyes. She wanted to reach for him, hug him, and chase away those terrible memories. However, she knew he would rebuff such a display of emotion.

“I’m still not clear how my father saved you. He has never spoken of it.”

White knuckles came into view as Alex gripped the railing tight. He stood staring out to sea for a moment before he turned and marched back to the table covered in maps. “Eat your lunch, Hestia.” With that he picked up a map and made his way back up on deck.

A cold wave of sadness washed over her. Whatever happened during his captivity, he was ashamed. She read it in his face, his stance, and the fear of someone learning the secrets in his eyes.

She never talked about her time in the pirates’ captivity either. She too felt shame at how her stupidity had led to her capture.

Invisible walls enclosed him, and it would take more than a battering ram to break through. Never had her task to get close to the real Alex seemed so impossible. She had no experience with men. How did she get Alex to confide terrible memories when she could not talk about her own experience, and it was nothing compared to his two years as a slave. Just then she heard Mr. Foxhall calling out to Jacob on the deck above.

Friends. Women confided in friends. Perhaps Mr. Foxhall could help her unravel Alex’s reluctance to let her get close. Would Alex have shared with his friend? She needed to be able to help Alex forget his past so they could build a new future. Alex still had feelings for her, she knew, for he wore her necklace.

She managed to compose herself before stepping out on the quarterdeck. Outside, she let her eyes adjust to the bright sunlight and took a deep breath of the fresh sea air. She looked up at one of the towering masts overhead. A young sailor was up in the yardarm.

The size of the ship was daunting. She couldn’t spy Mr. Foxhall and she had no idea where Jacob was.

Turning aft she looked at the elevated poop deck at the stern of the ship and saw men there cleaning weapons. If that was where the weapons were kept, then perhaps Jacob, given he was the captain, was among them.

With Alex’s cold words ringing in her ears, she put on her best smile and climbed the short ladder up to the poop deck, in the shadow of the mizzenmast.

The three men hard at work checking, cleaning, and putting away an array of weapons didn’t hear her approach. Tucking pieces of her escaped tresses behind her ear she called out, “Good day. May I help?”

Three sets of eyes turned to her at once. Their mouths dropped open as they stood gaping at her.