Addicted to the Duke (Imperfect Lords #1)(26)
David smiled. “What, another? I assume it’s to do with our delectable passenger.”
Alex stilled; his look grew serious and he watched the smile fade from David’s lips. He rose and paced to the open-air balcony at the end of the stateroom where the narrow jib doors were letting in the cool night breeze.
David had remained seated but had sat up, placing his feet back on the floor, worry beginning to etch across his arresting features.
Alex rested his arms on the carved gilded railing and stared down at the water below. Glancing over his shoulder, he sighed. “If we don’t find the earl, if he is declared dead, will you promise me you’ll look after Hestia?”
Behind him he heard David let out an audible breath. “Of course, I’ll offer her protection and look after her interests. But wait, where will you be? Why can’t you look after her?”
He turned and looked at his friend. He whispered, “Because I won’t be coming back from the Mediterranean for a while, not until I’ve settled my score with Murad. Why do you think I sent the first ship ahead with the missive? It’s to wait for me in Mykonos.” That is why Alex had jumped at helping the earl. If he could seek revenge against his captor, maybe he could let go of the darkness, get rid of his nightmares, and move on with his life.
“Christ. I remember the condition you were in when we rescued you from Murad, and I understand your need for revenge, but it’s been over four years; surely it would be unwise to go looking for trouble.”
Unwise. That was an understatement, but he couldn’t leave his past until he knew Murad was dead. “I’m hoping the bastard has been drawn and quartered by someone else by now. It’s highly likely. But I will have my revenge.”
“Why now?”
“Opportunity.” That wasn’t the only reason. He’d been thinking of going after Murad for some time. He hated this feeling of being a victim and he owed Murad for what he’d done to him, to Tulay.
Hestia’s request to find her father made everything fall into place.
“Has Jacob agreed to this?”
Alex nodded.
“That’s why this ship is filled with more fighters than sailors.” David sighed. “All right, if her father cannot be found, I’ll look after her until your return.”
Relief flooded him. “And if I should not return? Fredrick will still be after her.”
“Then forget this idea to chase after bad memories and make new ones. You could marry her.”
He ignored him. “Hestia married and settled in a new life is the best solution all around. It might take me a while to find Murad. I can’t have her a target for that long.”
David shook his head. “Hasn’t Murad already cost you enough? You have to leave the past in the past. You’ve changed, and you’ve conquered your opium problem.” He paused and eyed him warily. “You have conquered it?”
“You never conquer opium, you simply control it. I’ve tried to give it up completely, but…Hell, even Slade Ware has begun to notice something was not right. I’ve never told him about my captivity in Turkey, you’re the only one who knows besides the earl.” Slade was the Marquess of Hawkridge, another good friend who’d been with them in the Turkish wars.
“Well, you’ve had it under control since I treated you almost seven years ago on your escape from being Murad’s captive. So what’s the problem?”
Seven years! It had been seven years since he had escaped Murad’s prison. Alex’s head throbbed. Alex had been captured by Murad, just after fighting against the Turks in the war of 1807. He was only twenty years old. Murad had kept him prisoner for two years. At first in chains and then by keeping him enthralled with opium. On his rescue he’d almost died as the opium left his system. He’d craved the drug for a long time, and he still remembered the strength it had taken to leave the opium pipe on the floor of the tavern three years later when he’d rescued Hestia. Now here they were four years later again, and still he struggled with opium.
How to explain his situation to David? His friend and savior had no idea what Murad had done to him other than feed him opium until he was a walking skeleton, but Hestia’s father did. “Several years ago I made a promise to her father that I wouldn’t encourage her. He is dead set against a match.”
“I see. But this is a time of dire needs. Surely the earl would see it is the best for all concerned. Especially since he has left her alone and unprotected.”
Would he? Alex ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath. He probably would, but would it be right for Hestia? “I can’t make her happy,” Alex almost growled.
“Then let her make you happy; that would probably be enough for her, because she loves you.”
His body shuddered as if David had punched him. How could she be in love with a man like him? David did not understand. The girl was merely infatuated with him because Alex saved her from Murad. Hestia couldn’t love him because she didn’t really know him.
If he truly wanted to help Hestia he’d encourage a relationship between her and David. David would look after her, treat her well, and never endanger her. Hestia’s money could also help his friend. The bonus being she’d be safe from Fredrick.
He felt sick.
How did he confess that she was the most caring, capable, deliciously beautiful, and intelligent woman he’d ever met and he burned for her? But he could never have her. A man like David would never understand. Even the earl, though he thought of Alex as his own son, couldn’t bring himself to look past what he’d done and allow him to wed Hestia.