Addicted to the Duke (Imperfect Lords #1)(27)
His time with Murad had twisted him, blackened his soul, and he didn’t know how to change that. He hoped killing Murad would balance the scales and bring him peace.
David continued. “Good God, Alex, she’s only a woman. There are plenty of women who’d jump at the chance of marrying a wealthy duke. Surely the earl can see the advantages for Hestia in such a match. He’ll eventually come around.”
“You of all people should understand why I can’t pursue her. I gave the earl my word that I would never wed Hestia. My word, David—to the man who saved my life. You know it’s impossible without his blessing, and that he will never give.”
“How can you be sure? Hestia’s older now, come of age; perhaps if he sees what is between you, he’ll soften his stance. Look how you’ve taken over from your father. You’re well respected in the House of Lords, and your estate is one of the most profitable in England. If the earl is concerned with your pleasurable indulgence in opium, then simply give it up.”
Alex’s mouth dried and already his hands wanted to shake. Give it up! Could he? He didn’t want to face that question, as it might make a liar out of him. He told everyone he was in control, but at the moment he barely could control the desire for the one or two drops of laudanum he allowed himself.
He wasn’t lying when he told David he’d stopped smoking the opium pipe, but he still used laudanum. “He’ll never change his mind. Don’t ask me why, he has a good reason. Besides, what if he’s dead? The dead can’t talk.”
David stood and crossed to the balcony and stood with his back to the sea, elbows resting on the railing. He turned his head sideways to look at Alex. “You really would give up everything, risk all—you have no heir, remember—to go after Murad?”
Bitter bile rose to choke him. “Yes. I have brothers.”
David turned toward the rail and looked out to sea. “I assume you haven’t told her about your pledge to her father. That’s a tad cruel.”
“I thought that as she grew older she’d see through her silly infatuation to the man underneath and realize she could do so much better elsewhere.”
“Perhaps she has seen through the infatuation and she likes and respects the man beneath. Come, Alex, you are being too hard on yourself.”
Done with this conversation lest he blurt out the terrible secret of why he couldn’t marry her, he said, “There is one reliable way to ensure she’s safe.” Alex turned pleading eyes on his friend. “I owe you so much already, but I want Hestia protected for the rest of her life. I want to know she’s married to someone who’ll look after her, someone who’ll cherish and provide for her, someone I trust and love like a brother. If I ask it of you, will you marry her to protect her? It will stop this nonsense once and for all. It will give me some peace knowing you’ll be there to look after her should I fail in my quest for revenge.”
David reddened. “Lady Hestia is highly unlikely to agree to this plan.”
“If I’m dead…I expect you to sweep in and pick up the pieces. Come now, you’ve seduced many women. How hard can it be to woo her?”
“You can’t force someone’s feelings. If she loves you she might not wish to ever marry anyone else.”
“Leave that to me. This voyage is the perfect opportunity to destroy any tender feelings she has for me. You’ll be a ray of sunshine compared to my dark, stormy composition.” Alex closed his eyes against David’s piercing gaze. He opened his eyes and looked pleadingly at his friend. “It really is for the best, and it helps you too. She’s very wealthy.” David’s lips curled up in a snarl. “Don’t look at me like that. You know it would be more advantageous to marry into wealth.”
David stared at Alex for what seemed like a century. Alex watched him battle with the request. Finally he ran a hand through his hair, his mouth set in a firm line. He was struggling with a reply.
“I’m not doing this for the money; hell, if I wanted money I could have married years ago. I’m doing this because if one of my sisters needed protection, I’d want someone I know and trust to look out for her. So I give you my word: if, and only if, after all this, the earl is dead, or something happens to you, I’ll have the great honor of asking for Lady Hestia’s hand in marriage. But on one condition—that she accepts freely. I don’t wish to be married to a woman who resents me for the rest of her life.”
He understood what his friend was saying. David had too much pride to force Hestia into marriage. But Alex had to protect Hestia from himself. The beast within, which cried out for release, would destroy everyone he cared about. The memories and nightmares were tormenting him once again from the minute he’d decided to go after Murad. He could feel himself beginning to be unable to control his need for the laudanum’s sweet release. Without a woman around to lose himself in pleasure, the pull of the opium tantalized like a genie in a bottle.
He’d destroyed Tulay, and if he fell under opium’s hypnotizing spell once more, he did not want Hestia anywhere near him.
David had agreed.
For the first time in over five days, Alex finally felt his body relax. He knew of a way to drive Hestia to David and he’d do it. His stomach settled, his shoulders loosened, and he felt an inner peace.
Whatever happened on this trip, he’d just ensured Hestia would be safe. Whether they found her father or not, Hestia was safe. His fate was set. He would have the revenge he craved against the man who’d taken every shred of his dignity and pride, and then he would….What would he do?