Addicted to the Duke (Imperfect Lords #1)(32)

How she’d longed to have siblings. What would it be like to be part of a large loving family? To have a sister to share secrets with? A brother to tease and to shield you from danger? To have family who cared about you and wanted to see you, include you, and be with you?

She wanted to have loads of children.

She’d planned to provide Alex with plenty of healthy sons and daughters, and she expected to thoroughly enjoy making them. The Bedford family seat, Bracken Park, would be filled with warmth, happiness, and energy, as well as something tangible—a contentment that grew from shared love, a partnership that filled the soul.

She’d never envisioned a life without Alex, but the realization that he really did not see her as a potential duchess cut deep.

Was it because he did not consider her good enough to be his wife? Her Welsh heritage, the kidnapping and scandal, all black marks on her character? Or had her constant adoration pained him? Why did he keep pushing her away, when it was obvious from the flare in his eyes when they did meet that he was not immune to her?

She knew if he ever married anyone else it would destroy her world.

While Hestia was entirely comfortable at Cresselly House, her home in Pembrokeshire, Wales, she hated the days of isolation. She was grateful that she had her aunt for company and the staff were excellent, had known her since she was born. They had loved her mother, and in turn loved and cared for her.

But it wasn’t the same. There was the gap of their stations in life that would always separate them. Plus she had no other children her own age to play with. That is why she’d jumped at the chance to accompany her father on one of his trips. A grave mistake, as it turned out. It had only made it impossible for her to ever accompany him again and had led to further isolation while the scandal died down.

She was not entirely unhappy, but she knew the only true glow of happiness she’d ever experienced was by Alex’s side. He’d never judged her for what occurred. Nor had he ever tried to make her feel ashamed. Yet looking back she could see it all so clearly now—he’d indulged her like he did his mother.

For long moments, she stared unseeing across the cabin, then she mentally shook herself and concentrated on what she should do now.





Chapter 9


What the devil was Hestia up to? Alex had not seen her for two days. He no longer had to make plans to avoid her because it appeared she was avoiding him.

She took great pains to stay out of his way, and every time he turned around she was with either David or Jacob. He should be happy that his plan to push Hestia toward David was working, but hell, for a woman he’d spent the last two years trying to avoid her pursuit of him, she seemed rather fickle with her affections.

His eyes narrowed as he watched her help David attend to an injured sailor.

Or was she playing games, hoping he would care that he was no longer the center of her world?

Damn it, he did care! Yet he shouldn’t. This voyage was about revenge. Nothing more. He couldn’t let his desire for her cloud his mind.

When he stepped out of his cabin that morning after a late shift on deck, she was already at the table.

She barely glanced his way, her nose in a book. No smile from her pouty, sensuous lips like she usually gave him, and he missed that.

“Good morning, Hestia.”

“Good morning. The eggs will still be hot if you’d like some. I can get Cook to bring more ham.”

He waved the food away, merely pouring a coffee to clear the fuzz in his brain. He’d not been sleeping well, choosing instead to walk the deck at night rather than laudanum to keep the nightmares at bay.

“I’ll be out of your way in a minute. Since David always uses his cabin as a place to treat the men, I’ve promised him to help clean out the cabin he is using on this voyage to make a space for surgery. One of the men has a terrible splinter in his foot.”

The fact that she wanted to leave his company stabbed his pride and ego. He used to be her sunshine. “There is no rush; in fact, I’d like to talk with you and learn as much as possible about your father’s plans.”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure that I have any information that could help you. I have brought his last letter with me, where my father told me he was based on Thera, but that he was heading to Kos.”

A black darkness rushed toward him, in small ripples that soon turned into enormous waves, like spilled ink over a desk. Kos was the center of his nightmares.

He barely felt the hand that came to rest on his forearm. “Are you all right, Alex?” Her soft words were filled with concern.

He swallowed down the bile that suddenly swamped his mouth and chased away the disturbing pictures flooding his head by concentrating on the beauty of her blue eyes.

“Not enough sleep last night. I’ll be fine once I get some fresh air.”

The concern in her eyes did not dim, so he answered her. “I know Kos well,” he said, almost choking on the words.

That wasn’t quite true. He knew Murad’s palace stronghold on the cliffs of Kos extremely well. The rest of the island he did not have a chance to explore before he escaped. And when he did, he fled its shores faster than lightning, with the devil on his heels.

“Is there something about Kos I should know?”

He looked at her blankly for a moment. “It’s a dangerous island, a Turkish stronghold and very near Bodrum, a village on the coast of Turkey. Pirates operate unhindered in the area.”