Addicted to the Duke (Imperfect Lords #1)(25)
Murad used to refer to them as his married couple. He closed his eyes on the painful memories.
Because of Alex she’d died.
He’d needed the opium to survive Murad and the gilded prison he lived in. Alex introduced opium to Tulay, and he would carry that shame to his grave. She wasn’t strong enough…She too needed the soothing euphoria opium provided. However, she soon wanted more and more. He tried to help her rein in the cravings, but he was soon under its spell also. Both their lives spiraled out of control.
He hadn’t been capable of protecting Tulay then. He had not been able to stop her from selling herself for more opium, and when he finally found her battered dead body in Murad’s compound, he’d stepped over it to pick up the small sack of opium seeds still clutched in her hand.
He poured more brandy and drank it down noting the shaking in his hand. The shameful memories made him crave a drop of laudanum right now to forget the guilt, disgust, and shame, but he pushed it aside. He needed to keep a clear head on this voyage. He had Hestia to protect.
This time he would not fail in his duty.
“What the hell was that display all about?” an angry David demanded on his return from his duties. “I’ve never seen you get possessive over a woman. Is there something you wish to share?”
Chapter 7
Alex gritted his teeth and tried to control the possessive rage still thrumming in his veins.
David continued, his voice rising on each syllable. “As if I’d—well—as if I’d ever touch a guest of yours. A woman who is under your protection. An innocent—”
“Yes, all right, you’ve made your point.”
His friend’s anger died. David gave him a quizzing look. “Why didn’t you simply marry the girl and leave her safely in London?”
“Why indeed.” He didn’t want to face that question.
Silence settled on the stateroom. He was not a man good enough for Hestia. Her father had seen it too. Alex’s late father had constantly reminded him of the disappointment he was, and his weaknesses for women and opium only proved the point.
David peered at him. “She’s still infatuated with you, I take it? That should have made it easy for her to accept you.” Shaking his head and filling his glass with brandy, David seated himself on one of the dining chairs and placed the heels of his boots up on another.
Alex couldn’t hide his annoyance and almost snarled at David. “You know the answer to that.”
“No. No, I really don’t. It’s time you produced heirs. She would make a fine wife. She’s beautiful, intelligent, kind, and in love with you. I could think of a number of women whom she’d be preferable to.”
Silence once again. He saw realization dawn in his friend’s eyes.
Don’t say it, please don’t say it.
David let out a low whistle. “You’ve got feelings for her. No, don’t deny it. That’s why she scares you.” Humor inflecting his voice, David added, “Come, Alexander, don’t get cross with me for telling the truth. Besides, she’s only a woman.”
“Don’t get cross, you say.” Rubbing his tired eyes, he uttered, “I don’t need this ribbing right now. If you’ll remember, we have Lord Pembroke to find and bring safely home to England without getting Hestia hurt, or worse still, killed.”
Alex took a large gulp of brandy. “If I am to find the earl without endangering all of us I need to focus. I need to make her keep her distance and push her away. How am I supposed to concentrate if she thinks her affections are returned?”
David tilted his head to one side. “Then why bring her?” When Alex didn’t reply, his friend cocked his eyebrow. “You could have left Jacob and some men to guard her.”
Alex cradled his head in his hands before replying, “I need Jacob with me. He knows the Mediterranean better than any other man.” Lifting his head to look at David, he cursed. “She’s safer with me and my men.”
His friend shook his head. “That is yet to be seen.” He hesitated before continuing. “I have a gut feeling that Fredrick is interested in more than Hestia’s money.” With a shrug of his shoulders he added, “Perhaps this is personal. Maybe he covets a flesh-and-blood Cary as his wife. They are distant third cousins. A fine match as well as the rest of the Cary assets, so yes, I’d take his threats seriously. I’d watch my back if I were you.”
“That’s the only reason she’s coming with me. She’ll be safer with me, with miles of ocean between him and us.”
He gulped the rest of his brandy. Yes, but would she be safe from him? She was so innocent. He was far too much of a degenerate for the likes of her. Over the last eighteen months he’d pushed her away, taking great pains to shelter her from the darkness of himself. He’d managed that feat by keeping distance between them; on board this ship that would be impossible.
His shoulders sagged and he shook with unreleased fury directed at no one but himself. His normal response was to flee, to pretend that the heavenly creature down the passageway didn’t exist. But that was not an option now. He was stuck with her. He’d created his own private hell.
From under nervous lids Alex eyed his longtime friend—the most honorable man Alex knew. Could he be the solution for ending Alex’s torment? Would Alex be strong enough to ask it of him? Realizing he had no options left, Alex stared directly into David’s eyes and said, “I do, however, have a favor to ask of you.”