A Kingpin Love Affair: The Complete series(18)
With nimble fingers, I plucked them from the bag. I stared at them for a moment before running my fingers over the intricate pattern of lace. I had never felt something so soft or seen something so intimately made. I drew a lazy circle across the pattern again, my mind beginning to wonder… What would Jared think of these?
Stop, I told myself right away, not allowing the thought to process any further. Placing the undies back in the bag, I took a couple deep breaths and then decided it was best to head back into the living room.
Once there I noticed the girls were now sitting on a blanket with toys surrounding them as they laughed and giggled with each other while Bree and Tegan had the bottle of wine open and two glasses had been filled with a gold bubbly liquid. I had never had wine before, and a part of me was nervous to indulge, even experience the effects that alcohol would have on me. I wanted to feel free, but how could I be when I knew there were others out there just like I had once been? I knew I had to learn to live with what happened, and if I stayed as I was, I would always be half the person I wanted to be. I didn’t want that, but I also couldn’t just wash the guilt away as if it wasn’t there.
“Cheers.” Bree grinned, handing me a wine glass before reaching into her purse for a bottle of water. I looked at her, wondering why she wasn’t drinking with us. She must have caught the question written on my face because she answered without me even asking.
“I’m pregnant… again, so no wine for me,” she stated with a smile on her face as Tegan and I toasted our glasses against her bottle of water.
“Congratulations,” I responded, Bree’s thank you for coming shortly after. I watched them each take a sip of their drinks as I sat there, hesitating to do the same.
“It’s okay to be happy, Izzy. You don’t mind if I call you Izzy, do you?” Tegan questioned. I stared at her shaking my head no. She was beautiful in every way possible. A sprinkle of freckles marked her cheeks, her lips a ruby red matching her hair.
“Don’t feel ashamed to be living. I know what you went through is something none of us would ever be able to imagine, but we all have had our experiences, each one just slightly different from the next. You, me, even Bree, so know that we are here for you and there is life after everything you went through.”
Tegan’s words soothed me in ways she would never truly understand. I didn’t know their stories or how they came to be who they were, but the more I sat here and listened to them talk to one another, the more I wanted to.
“Zerro, I mean, Agent King, the one who rescued you is my husband. That is our daughter, Gia.” She pointed to the dark beauty on the floor, and I smiled at the fact that I had assumed right. “That is Taylor, Tegan’s daughter. Teg here is married to Devon, someone my family will always be indebted to, as well. He’s also my husband’s partner and friend.” As Bree said her name, Taylor turned around staring at me. Her eyes were a bright blue, so blue I wondered how they could even be real. She had short red hair while Gia had dark brown eyes and curly locks that covered her head.
“Your daughters are beautiful,” I mustered up the courage to say. Looking at them, I couldn’t help but feel pangs of guilt. Those other women they were daughters, cousins, maybe even mothers. Their lives had been ripped from them just as mine had been and here I was sitting on a couch enjoying the simple joys of life.
“I know that look. Don’t let the guilt take you under, or you’ll never be able to break free of the pain that you’ve endured,” Bree whispered into my ear, her hand touching my own. Her touch was meant to calm me, to remind me I was here and no longer there—with them.
“I’m okay…” I lied unsure of how to explain the guilt I was feeling. There was no real way to explain it, no words that could bring the image to life, at least not in a way that they would understand. Even though I was free, I knew someone else would take my place. Someone else would become a captive with no choice of who they gave their bodies to.
“You don’t have to lie. Believe me, I know what not being okay looks like. I know what it feels like to hurt.” Bree’s voice was sincere as I forced a weak smile.
“We all have our secrets. Some so dark we’re afraid that others would look at us differently if they saw them. Never be afraid to admit that.” Bree’s words cradled me, almost as if she had the power to take the pain away. It was as if she understood the demons that plagued my soul.
Lost in the words Bree had spoken, I hadn’t realized Tegan had come and gone until she came from outside with more bags. She handed them to me, and I took them, whispering another thanks as I sat my glass down on the table and got up, walking to my room slowly.
Placing the bags on the bed, I took a seat next to them. I needed a second to catch my thoughts, to place everything back where it belonged.
I wanted to go back out to the living room and socialize, become friends and make memories I had never had before. I wanted to know these two women’s stories, and for the first time, I wanted to share mine. I wanted to confide in someone without worrying if I would ever get the chance to do so again. Plus, staying in my room contemplating life wouldn’t be fair to them, especially after the way they had treated me.
Standing up, I walked back out of my room toward the living room. Tegan and Bree were talking softly as I made my way down the hall. I could hear Jared’s name being spoken, and it forced me to stop right outside the entryway, listening intently.