Soul of Flame (Imdalind Series #4)(43)

My breath finally escaped my chest when the door clicked open again. Everything relaxed until my father stepped past the open frame, only to close the door right behind him.

I stiffened at seeing him there, at being alone with him. My shoulders knit together as my eyes narrowed dangerously. I wasn't sure what he was doing coming in here. I didn’t want him here. He hadn't really shown much interest in me beyond planning for my ultimate demise and yelling at me over my lack of knowledge. It wasn’t something I wanted to continue—not right now when everything felt so close to a meltdown.

I clenched my teeth as he came closer, my fingers knotting around the fabric of my shirt until they dug into my skin in my attempt to disappear into myself. To disappear from him.

“Hello, Joclyn.” The words sounded more like the formal greeting you would give to someone you didn’t really know, and in a way, I guess we didn’t know each other.

I nodded once in silence, my eyes narrowing as I glared into him, hoping the look would be enough to scare him off, but I knew better.

He continued moving closer until he sat across from me, his body far enough away that I couldn’t reach him, which was probably a good thing. I didn’t want him to touch me, either.

I didn’t trust myself enough to know what I would do if he did.

Sain didn’t even look at me; he only smiled sadly at the necklace before reaching out and picking it up, his hand curving around it as he tested its weight. I cringed as he held it in his hand, my frustration swelling as I tried to ignore the surge of ownership that welled up inside of me. I didn't know where the selfish emotion had come from, but it scared me, the sensation unwelcome.

I had no ownership over what my father held in his hands. I didn’t want any ownership of it, not anymore. Which only made my reaction all the more unwanted.

He looked at the necklace like he was proud of it, a look I was not sure he had ever given me as of yet. Awe, surprise, disgust, yes, but not pride. Not the look a father is supposed to give his daughter. I swallowed heavily and looked to him again, startled to find him peering at me, his eyes darker than they had been before.

“This is a good thing you are doing, Joclyn,” he said, his voice so distant that I wouldn’t have been sure he was really talking to me if he hadn’t said my name. “It will be hard for him to accept this gift, but he needs to; he cannot be himself without it.”

I knew what he was saying was meant to be a compliment, a show of acceptance from father to daughter, and the very thing I had been so desperate for. I didn't hear that, though. I only felt my anger swell at his words. I saw the flash of disapproval as he held Ryland’s gasping body, my foolish mind pulling out a different meaning altogether, the same as I had done before.

He was happy I was doing this for Ryland; he was concerned for Ryland. I knew that wasn't what he meant—he meant that he was happy that I had made the choice I did. Still, I couldn't stop the jealous anger from swelling.

I cringed at the sensation, my breathing picking up as I tried to push the frustration away.

“Is that-t all you c…care about?” I stuttered out, my voice faltering through the emotion. “That Ryland is saved?”

Sain looked away from me, the action making my frustrations grow. I exhaled through my gritted teeth, hating the way my body was beginning to hurt.

I waited for him to look at me—to deny it—but he sat still, his focus on the forest outside of the windows.

“Is that what you think?” he asked toward the darkening sky. His tone was calm enough that I wasn’t even sure he had heard me. Nevertheless, I knew he had, he just wouldn’t rise to me. He wouldn’t fight for me.

It wasn’t the Drak way.

He dropped the necklace back onto the bed, the chain falling in a heap around the stone.

I fought the desire to reach out and lay it out nicely again, to berate him for treating it so haphazardly.

My anger only seemed to flare at seeing the pile of metal, at hearing his calm voice and before I could stop it, it exploded out of me again. “You only care for him!”

I didn’t like feeling this way. I needed to control it before I did something stupid. I exhaled as I pushed my anger away, pulling the positive memories I had clung to right to the forefront of my mind. I relaxed a bit as the uncontrollable hatred that had been threatening a hostile takeover left until I could only feel the pain from my father’s abandonment.

“Is this because I helped him last night?” Sain asked as he finally looked back at me, his weight shifting on the bed in his discomfort.

I didn't respond to him, I only gritted my teeth as my eyes shot fire and anger. I didn’t trust myself to speak. I didn’t want to yell, to fight. That was not what this moment was supposed to be about. I had waited for this since I was five, since the day he first left. I had seen him over the past few days, but I hadn’t been able to ask the questions that had been burning a hole in my soul for the last twelve years.

Now that I could, I couldn't find the words to gain the answers I so desperately needed. I just sat, staring at him, my pain growing until my heart began to ache.

“I helped him because he needed me, Joclyn. You almost killed him. I needed to help him.” He shook his head like he was disappointed in me. The cold look in his eyes was a steady reminder of where I stood in his life.

“And not your own daughter?” I asked, my voice hard as the anger and pain tried to break through the calm I had found.