A Terrible Fall of Angels (Zaniel Havelock #1)(101)

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I said.

She smiled. “Was it that obvious?”

“Yes,” Jamie and I said at the same time, which made us all laugh.

“When you worked magic with your friend, you said you saw a bear and a raccoon; which was the clearest to you or which did you interact with the most?”

“The raccoon; the bear and other spirit guides were much less . . . real to me.”

“Then either this is your main totem, or it’s a messenger for a life lesson, or even a temporary animal guide.”

“What’s the difference between the three?”

“Main totems are with you for years or even for your entire life. They are the animal that most represents you, or teaches you, either the closest to your own personality, or the animal that has characteristics that you don’t have and need the most.”

“That makes sense,” I said.

“A messenger totem can just come in for a moment, or even be a real bird, animal, or insect that interacts with you in an unusual way for just one message, like you shouldn’t go down that alley because you’ll get hurt, so a rat comes and stands in your way, or a flock of sparrows attracts your attention and saves you from walking out into the street so a speeding car misses you, that kind of thing.”

“Okay, I get that.”

“An animal guide can be with you on and off for a lifetime, coming back when you need to relearn a lesson, or you need its strength or skill again. It can stay with you for months or even years, but usually days to months.”

“If a raccoon has come into my life to be a guide, what is it guiding me for, or to?”

“If you were pagan I’d say go into a sacred space and meditate on raccoon until you figure out what it means to you.”

“But since I’m not pagan?” I asked.

“We have some books at the shop on totems and working with animal guides. I’d say start there.”

“Okay,” I said.

We finished our tea, talking about the halfway house that Jamie was staying in, and that Emma’s professor had helped her get him a place in it. That he was working one afternoon a week at Harm None, and it had gone well enough that there was talk of more hours. Emma wanted to do traditional counseling at Harm None after she finished her degree, but not everyone at the shop was excited at the idea. They were happy doing reiki, tarot, and other metaphysical healing and guidance work, and many of them were strangely dubious of traditional therapy without magic.

“I might even work here at the Cauldron if one of the staff calls in sick,” Jamie said.

“The people who own Harm None also own part of the Cozy Cauldron,” Emma explained.

“Maybe you could get one of the shop fronts that’s for rent here to be your counseling place. Then you could do regular counseling and send patients to Harm None for magical therapy if needed, and they could do it in reverse,” I suggested.

She gave me a smile so happy that it was like sunshine on my face. I didn’t have to concentrate to hear wings as she said, “That’s a good idea, Zaniel. That way, Harm None can stay what it is, which is a great shop, and we can offer more services at a different, but close location. It’s a perfect solution.” I realized that I didn’t know if the wings were angels or doves, just that I could “hear” them around her.

“I told you, Z was the smart one,” Jamie said.

“You are smart,” she said, at the same time I said, “I did some seriously stupid things that you wouldn’t have done, or I wouldn’t have done if you’d been with me to tell me better.”

“Really?” Jamie asked, and he looked serious again.

“Absolutely, you were always more cautious than me, or Suriel. You kept us out of trouble.”

“I tried, but sometimes Suriel came up with the best ideas.”

We laughed together, remembering what it had been like before everything went wrong. I looked across the table at Jamie and realized that things were going right again. I was so grateful as I watched him smile across the table at me. I saw the phantom edge of an exceptionally long red furred arm across his shoulders as if his totem was hugging him, and I was grateful for that, too. If having a spirit animal guide helped Jamie heal, I was all for it. Something brushed against my leg, not quite as solid as a real animal, but enough to make me look under the table and meet the glittering gaze of the raccoon again.

“Let’s go look at those books on totems,” I said.





CHAPTER FORTY-TWO




I was relieved that when we got up from the table, I couldn’t see any of the totems. I’d grown up seeing angels and later demons and things that I couldn’t have imagined when I entered the College of Angels at seven, so why did seeing a phantom raccoon at my side weird me out? I had no idea, but I was glad that the three of us walked down the sidewalk to Harm None without the animal escort.

Emma and Jamie led the way inside. I noticed they didn’t hold hands in the store. I didn’t know if that was a rule for employees in the workplace, or if they were keeping the relationship on the down low. I just noticed that they weren’t as cozy here and let it go. We weren’t encouraged to date at work either.

There was a counter with the cash register to the right and floor-to-ceiling windows to the left with glass shelves covered in crystals and stones of all kinds and colors. The stones circled around to the back wall, but without windows so the crystals that would fade in direct sunlight could still be displayed.