The Secrets We Keep(50)

“Really, brown?” Alex looked surprised and grunted in disgust.

I immediately understood my mistake. Outside of a pair of gloves and a scarf, Maddy didn’t own a single article of clothing that was brown. Nothing even tan. Crap. “Doesn’t matter, I wasn’t planning on going.”

“Uh, yeah, you are.”

“No, I’m not.” The last dance I went to was our father-daughter dance in elementary school. Dad had to split his time between Maddy and me. Half an hour in, I gave up, let Maddy monopolize his time while I played mat ball with the boys in the gym. “Why does it matter if I go, anyway? You go.”

“I am going. With you.”


I shook my head. I wasn’t budging on this one. It was one thing to be Maddy at school where I could escape to the bathroom or the library to regain my sanity. It was something completely different to be put on display, to have to walk in heels and make small talk about who was wearing what, or more accurately, who was doing who. It was only a matter of time before Jenna, Alex, and this entire school figured out what Josh already had—I was no Maddy Lawton.

“You are the one who told me to avoid Josh and Molly. I think not going is the perfect idea,” I told Alex.

He laughed and started walking away, then turned around when he was a few feet from me and held out his hand. Apparently, I was supposed to follow. “Last I checked, Josh wasn’t going,” he said. “And I doubt Molly will go without a date, so you are good there, too.”

I couldn’t help the sudden joy that filled me. I knew Kim wanted to go; she’d been talking about it since they started dating. How cool it was going to be to go to the Snow Ball with a senior. She went so far as to try to set me up with someone, figuring I could double with them. I didn’t have to put a stop to that; Josh did it for me, warning her that setting me up was nearly as horrible an idea as him going to the dance in the first place. I’d assumed by now she had worn him down.

“Josh isn’t going?”

Alex gave me a cursory glance, no doubt wondering why I cared. “Last I checked, he doesn’t do much of anything. Since the night of the accident, I’ve seen him at school and at your sister’s burial service but that’s it. Outside of school, he is a virtual shut-in.”

I yanked Alex to a stop and pulled my hand free. “Wait. Him and Kim.”

Alex shook his head. “How should I know? And besides, why do you care?”

“I don’t,” I said, hoping he’d believe me. “It would suck if he didn’t go because of—”

“Don’t worry about him. He needs some time, Maddy. Everyone does.”

*

Alex threaded his fingers through mine and tugged me the few remaining feet to the girls’ locker room. He knocked once before opening the door a crack and yelled in to see if it was empty. School had ended over a half hour ago. Anybody still in there was going to get chewed out for being late for practice.

When no one answered, he pushed the door all the way open and peeked inside. Seeing nothing, he pulled me in. “I figured you hadn’t seen this yet.”

With the exception of gym, which my broken wrist had blessedly excused me from, I never set foot in the girls’ locker room. I didn’t play a sport and saw no need to shower at school. But I knew exactly where Maddy’s locker was. There was an entire block of them set aside for the field hockey team. Maddy’s was smack in the middle, her name artfully etched into the metal.

Tucked in the corner of the locker room was a roll of paper, not unlike the ones Josh and I used when we were sketching out murals. Alex handed me the edge and motioned for me to lay it flat on the floor. I did, using one of the field hockey sticks sitting on the bench to anchor it.

It was huge, easily spanning the length of seven lockers. WELCOME BACK, MADDY. Names of people I didn’t know covered the entire surface. Alex’s was there, Jenna’s, too. Keith, Molly, Hannah, and a couple of other kids I recognized from Maddy’s lunch table. The rest …

I gave up trying to place faces with the names and started counting. Seventy-three total.

“They’re planning on hanging this at the field hockey game this Friday,” Alex said as he held the other side down with his hand. “To celebrate your first week back at school.”

I read a few of the notes, glancing over most. Alex’s message was tagged with an I love you, and Jenna had scribbled out a curt Get well soon. Molly’s was the longest. She’d wished me well like the rest of them, but also written an offer of help, her pretty handwriting saying she’d be there to listen if I needed someone to talk to. Funny how the one person Alex had warned me to steer clear of was the one person who had offered to help.

“That’s why you are going,” Alex said, cutting into my thoughts. “Jenna may be pushing hard for Snow Ball queen, but she won’t win. I made sure of that. And, well, no one is running against me for king, so…”

I turned and stared at him. I’d pegged him completely wrong. I had expected him to be egocentric and obsessed with popularity. But at the end of the day, no matter how obsessed he seemed to be with his image, he cared more about Maddy.

“I have been back at school for three days, Alex. Three short days. I’m not ready yet.” And seeing well wishes sprawled across the banner didn’t help. If anything, it made it worse, kicked the expectations up a notch.