The Secrets We Keep(47)

I watched a smug grin play across his face. It made my stomach churn.

“Yeah, I did,” he said. “Ella did, too, but there is no chance of me seeing her at RISD this fall, is there? So much for our plans.”

Ella … me … I had gotten in. And he had, too. A huge grin covered my face, and it took every ounce of control I had not to throw my arms around him and cheer.

“What are you smiling for? You buried that dream with your lie.”

No, I didn’t. I never gave up on that dream. I put it on hold. For a little bit. Crap, he was right. “No. I’ll fix this. I will.”

“Umm hmm.” Josh took a step closer, and I could see the challenge in his eyes, the challenge for me to come clean. “And how, exactly, do you plan to do that, Maddy?”

Josh’s head snapped up at the exact same time I felt two arms come around my waist. “Everything good here?” Alex asked.

Josh shrugged. “I don’t know. Ask your girlfriend.”

Alex’s hands flexed on my stomach before he pulled me against his chest. I recognized it for what it was—a protective gesture. He dropped his head down to the crook of my neck and whispered, “You okay, baby?”

There was a threat in Alex’s words, one not aimed at me, and for a brief second, I got a glimpse of what Maddy had seen in him. He always had her back. Always. I’d seen him toss a kid to the ground for looking at her funny, and I’d heard him chew out random girls in the cafeteria for commenting on something as ridiculous as her choice of shoes.

“I’m good,” I said, letting myself draw strength from the warmth of his arms. “Bad morning, that’s all.”

“Yeah … bad morning,” Josh replied. “Nothing more going on here than a bad morning.”

Alex let me go and stepped out from behind me. I could see him struggling to stay calm as he spoke to Josh. “Did I miss something here?”

“Miss something? Yeah, you could say that,” Josh said, and Alex tossed his hands out, silently asking Josh to explain. “Why didn’t you tell me she asked to see me when she woke up?”

“She was out of it, Josh. She was upset and scared. She was having a hard enough time as it was making sense out of everything. The last thing she needed was to field your questions. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Josh. I was trying to keep her safe.”

Josh took a step closer, tried his best to close the six-inch difference between him and his cousin. “That girl standing behind you took the one good thing I had. She took it without even thinking about what it would do to me, or her parents, or anyone else. And I want it back. I would’ve taken it that night if you’d done as she asked and called me.”

I’d never seen them fight. I’d seen the two of them hurl mean comments at each other at family gatherings, but never once had I heard them actually fight. I started to speak, to beg Josh to stop talking and walk away, but Alex waved me off.

“There is absolutely nothing she can do to change things. Nothing,” Alex said. “I’ve watched her cry herself to sleep trying to think of ways to make this better, Josh, but she can’t. None of us can.”

“You keep thinking that, Alex, and eventually maybe she’ll start believing it, too.”

Alex turned to look at me, confused as to what Josh was rattling on about. Josh had given me the perfect out, the perfect opportunity to come clean and walk away. I didn’t take it. I pretended I had no idea what he was talking about.

Alex’s entire demeanor softened. I don’t know if he saw the fine tremor overtaking my body or if he realized exactly how broken Josh was, but he laid a gentle hand on Josh’s shoulder and sighed. “I get what you have lost. I do. But she’s already apologized, Josh. What more do you want from her?”

Josh shook his head, the anger I saw coursing through his eyes morphing into defeat. “I want nothing from her.” He took a step sideways so he was looking squarely at me, speaking only to me. “But just because you apologized, doesn’t mean I have to forgive you.”





30

Alex waited until Josh was out of sight and our nosy classmates had gone back to their morning rituals before he grabbed my arm and towed me down the hall. There was a little alcove where an old water fountain used to be. He pushed me into it and scanned the hall to make sure no one was listening before he spoke.

“What’s going on between you two?” There was no demand in his tone. It was nothing more than a simple question laced with confusion. I watched as his entire body went rigid, tense, almost like he didn’t want me to answer, like he didn’t want to know. In public, when our friends or Josh were listening, he’d be protective and kind, secure in where he stood with me. But here, in the relative privacy of this dark corner, he looked scared.

“Nothing is going on. He’s upset about Ella. We both are. I was trying to help.”

“I know he’s the reason you left school early yesterday. You were talking to him in the staircase between classes and you went to his house last night.”

“Are you following me?”


He actually looked offended that I would even suggest such a thing. “No, Maddy. I wasn’t following you. I was here, fielding questions about your odd behavior, making up excuses about why you ran out of class and why you’ve decided to make Molly your new best friend. What I don’t know is why you went to Josh’s house instead of mine.”