For Real(18)

“It’s nice to meet all of you,” I say, and my voice comes out steadier than I expect.

“Have a seat, and let’s get started,” Charlotte says.

I perch on the edge of the chair and fold my hands in my lap, trying my best to look relaxed. It’s easily ten degrees warmer under the lights, and a bead of sweat crawls down my spine. I’m not sure if it’s from the heat or the fear.

“How are you this morning?” Santa asks.

On the verge of hyperventilating, thanks. Anyone have a spare paper bag I could breathe into for a while? “Um, fine, I guess,” I say. “Surprised. I thought I’d be auditioning with my sister, since we’re, you know, a team.”

“We like to get a sense of what each individual person brings to the table,” Charlotte says. “So, let’s dive right in. We talked a lot about Miranda and Samir the other day, so we know why she’s here. But we didn’t get to talk much about you. Why are you here, Claire? Why do you personally want to be on Around the World?”

Thank goodness we’re starting with something easy—this time, there’s no one to take over for me if I start babbling like an incoherent fool. “Well, I’m here to support my sister,” I say. “I was there the night Samir cheated on her, and it was a seriously ugly scene. I’ve never seen her fall apart like that. Honestly, from the second I met him, I thought Samir was a total douche bag—oh God, sorry, can I say that in here?”

Oprah smiles. “You can say anything you want. We’ve heard a lot worse than ‘douche bag.’ ”

“Okay, well, um, that’s what he is. Really smug and pompous and self-centered, you know? Like, he has his IQ tattooed on his arm, if you can believe that. I don’t know what Miranda saw in him—he’s not nearly good enough for her. I can’t wait to help her take him down.”

“Sounds like you really idolize your sister,” Lemon Juice says.

That makes me seem like some sort of Miranda groupie. “I don’t know if ‘idolize’ is the right word,” I say carefully. “But I really admire her and respect her, if that’s what you mean, and I love her more than just about anyone.”

“Do you think she loves you back?” asks Sunburn.

“Well, yeah, of course. She’s my sister.”

“And do you think she respects you?” Charlotte asks. There’s a weird look on her face. Is that … pity?

“Yes,” I say. “I think she does.”

“You don’t sound so sure about that,” Charlotte says. My voice sounded pretty confident to me, but now I start to doubt my conviction. Maybe she heard something I can’t detect because I’m too nervous. “I’m sure your sister always means well, but she was pretty patronizing to you in your audition the other day, didn’t you think? How did that make you feel?”

These questions are starting to make me uncomfortable. Are they trying to drive a wedge between Miranda and me on purpose? The network loves drama, I remind myself. You don’t have to do what they want. Stay in control.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.

Now there’s pity on everyone’s faces. “We’ve all seen the tape, Claire,” Charlotte says gently. “You don’t have to pretend for us. Miranda basically said that you’re reluctant to try new things and that you need to be sheltered and protected. I mean, it doesn’t seem that way to us. You’re an adult, too, and between the two of you, it sounds like you’re the one who really understands the strategy of this race. But your sister obviously wasn’t taking you seriously. Does that happen a lot?”

I swallow hard. Even if they are trying to manipulate me, Charlotte’s validating everything I’ve been feeling over the last few days. I am the key person on this team, the one who got us here and did all the research and taught Miranda how to handle herself. And she’s been breezing along and taking credit she doesn’t deserve. If other people think that, too, maybe it’s not just me being resentful. Maybe it’s a fact.

“It’s okay to talk about it,” Oprah says in a soothing voice. “We’re not going to tell Miranda, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

I take a deep breath. “I don’t need to be sheltered,” I say. “And I do try new things. I was a super-shy, scared kid, and Miranda still sees me that way sometimes, but that’s not who I am anymore. It was my idea to audition for this show in the first place, not hers. She didn’t even want to do it.”

“I think it’s a brilliant revenge strategy,” Piercings chimes in. “Kudos to you for coming up with it. Why was she against it?”

“Miranda doesn’t understand reality TV,” I say. “I mean, she gets that it’s entertaining, but she doesn’t understand why it’s actually important. When I talk about how I want to be a field producer or a story editor someday, she tries to be supportive, but I can tell she doesn’t see what I see in it. To her, it’s all just fluff.”

“Tell us what you see, Claire,” Charlotte prompts.

For most people, this wouldn’t be a personal question—they like reality television because it’s funny and takes their minds off their lives, like I told those stoners at the graduation party. But for me, it has always been more than that. This is something I’ve only ever discussed with Natalie, and I’m not sure I want to spill my guts to six strangers and a camera. But I guess this is what I signed up for when I agreed to audition.