For Real(23)

“Oh my God.” Miranda rakes her fingers through her hair. “I can’t do this, Claire. This isn’t what I signed up for. Can we quit? What does our contract say? I skimmed over all those parts with the tiny type. Why didn’t I read the whole thing? You’re always supposed to read the whole thing! Do you think it said something about this?”

“I don’t know,” I say, and my voice sounds like it’s coming from very far away. My sister’s rare display of panic feeds my anxiety, and the whole world suddenly starts tilting beneath me. I struggle to come up with something reassuring to say, but I can’t think of a single good thing about this situation. My sister may have to cozy up to the person she hates most in the world. And I, at the age of eighteen, have to go on my first few real dates with total strangers, some of whom are Vegas strippers, in foreign countries, on national television. This might actually be my worst nightmare.

We didn’t rock the auditions. I didn’t impress the casting team with my theory about reality TV being a great equalizer. Miranda’s here because the producers want drama, teeth and claws and screaming fights, and maybe, if they’re lucky, a dramatic, sappy reconciliation between her and Samir. And I’m here because I’m awkward and inexperienced and totally ridiculous in this context. I’m the one they’ll underscore with sad tuba noises.

I am on this show for comic relief.

I taste acid at the back of my throat, and for a moment I’m sure I’m going to be sick. In a desperate attempt to distract myself, I look around the circle to see how the other teams are reacting. The African American stripper shouts out, “Hells yeah!” and high-fives the blond one, and the sorority girls giggle in unison. The geeky guys are whispering heatedly, and I catch the words “boobs” and “terrifying” and “never even had a girlfriend,” which makes me feel a little better. I seek out Will’s eyes, expecting to see my shock and dismay reflected there, but he looks infuriatingly calm. Did he guess the twist from the auditions somehow? Maybe all the signs were there, and I missed them. How could I have been so stupid?

Isis’s soothing voice cuts through the chaos. “I know this is an unexpected development,” she says, somehow managing to convey sympathy, superiority, and rabid excitement all at once. “But if everyone could calm down, I’d love to tell you more about our show. That’s not the last exciting surprise I have in store for you today!” If this is what all her “exciting surprises” are like, I don’t want to hear any more, but I don’t think I have a choice.

“First of all,” Isis says when everyone has quieted, “please turn and look at your partners.”

We do, and my stomach twists at the scared-rabbit look in my sister’s eyes. I want to be strong for her, to promise her we can still take down Samir, but I’m not sure I have any leftover strength to give. As Miranda stares back at me, her face softens a little, and I realize I must look as bad as she does. At least we’re in this together.

“Now say good-bye,” Isis instructs. “The person you’re looking at right now will not be your partner as you race around the world.”

I try to shout “What?” but all that comes out of my mouth is a breath. Across the circle, one of the strippers says, “Later, bro,” totally impassive. Aidan mutters, “Seriously?”

Isis produces two pink silk pouches embroidered with the heart-map logo and the labels GIRLS and GUYS. “All teams will be composed of one girl and one guy,” she explains. “I’ll be randomly selecting your dates for the first leg of the race. At each check-in point, there will be a Proposal Ceremony, during which you will choose your own dates for the next leg in the order you arrived. We have some seriously steamy challenges in store for you, so look around and pick out the racers you think are hottest. You’ll want to race quickly so you can snatch them up before someone else does! There will also be special prizes awarded throughout the race for making sparks fly! Let’s get started—are you ready to meet your first dates?”

The strippers and the sorority girls cheer. “This is the worst thing ever,” Miranda whispers. “What if I get Samir?” She sounds like she’s going to cry.

“Odds are you won’t, right? And it’s not like you guys are going to pick each other at the Proposal Ceremonies, so you’ll be safe after today.” I grab her hand. “Listen, no matter who they pair us with, I’m still going to help you take him down. That’s the reason we’re here, and we’re always going to be a team, okay?” Miranda nods, but she doesn’t look reassured.

Isis reaches into her silk pouches and pulls out the first two names. “Claire?” she calls out, and I hold up my hand to identify myself. “Your partner for this leg of the race is … Will.”

Oh.

Oh.

The tight coil of fear in my stomach hatches into a swarm of butterflies on speed. I can feel my cheeks turning bright red as I think about doing “seriously steamy challenges” with Will Divine, and the fact that there are at least four cameras pointed at me doesn’t help the situation. I feel a little light-headed—maybe all those butterflies are clogging up my brain stem. I bite my lip and look down so millions of viewers won’t see the terrified excitement in my eyes.

“Please come stand next to your new partner, Claire,” Isis says.