Evermore (Emily Chambers Spirit Medium Trilogy #3)(48)

"That is quite the understatement," I muttered. "Even if it were, I doubt it would be enough for your needs."

He shook his head sadly. "Suzette is an heiress to a considerable fortune. I met her recently and I will ask her to marry me once I've secured her affections. I was going to tell you tonight, but it seems I should have done it earlier."

"I'll admit I would have preferred it. Celia too. I think she's going to be more upset about this than I am."

"Oh, Emily." He got down on his knees before me. "I adore you. I will always have a place in my heart for you." He reached for my hand but I withdrew it. I wasn't going to fall for any more of his lies, if indeed that's what they were. He sat back on the chair, his movements awkward and unsure.

"Do you love her, Theo? A lifetime is a long time to be with someone you do not love." It was the same thing I'd said to Celia earlier, but it was just as applicable.

"I like her very much. As to love..." He shrugged. "That may come, if she'll have me."

"Does she know you have no money?"

He nodded. "I don’t want to trick her."

"Isn't pretending you love her a form of trickery?"

"What marriage is based on love anyway? Who can afford it except the very rich?"

He had me there. "Promise me something, Theo."

"Anything." He leaned closer.

"Be good to her for the rest of your lives together. Use her money wisely. Do not make her regret marrying you. Do not make her ashamed to be your wife."

He sucked in his lower lip and nodded once. He turned away and I waited as he composed himself. Finally, he looked at me again. "I've been imagining this moment for a few days. Dreading it. I admit that I expected some hysteria and name-calling. This reasonable response is quite unexpected and undeserved."

"Disappointed?"

"A little." He gave me a wry smile. "You don't seem at all upset. Indeed, you seem to be more concerned for Suzette than for yourself. You truly don't love me, do you?"

"I don't," I said quietly. "I care for you, but as to love..." I shook my head.

"You love another? Beaufort?"

I inclined my head as tears welled. "It's not an ideal match."

He spluttered a watery laugh. Through my blurry vision, I could just make out the shine in his eyes. "Well. I'm not entitled to claim an injury here, but I admit I feel wounded. I thought I loved you." He wiped away an errant tear before it reached his cheek. "I still do."

"You're right. You cannot claim an injury. You do not love me, Theo. You cannot." I held my hand up as he began to protest. "A man who truly loves a woman would do everything in his power to be with her. He would want to marry her despite poverty."

He barked a bitter, harsh laugh and I thought he would storm off, offended. He did not. "Perhaps you're right. I don't know. Instead of debating our feelings, let's promise to part as friends."

We shook hands, but he did not let mine go when I tried to leave. "Goodbye, Emily Chambers." He kissed my knuckles. "And good luck."

I watched him walk away. He bowed to my sister and she nodded back, her face so dark I thought she might scold him right there. But she let him go and returned to me.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yes," I said on a sigh. "I'd be much better if I could leave."

"Then we shall."

I blinked at her. "But don't you want me to stay to meet a gentleman? Now that Theo is not available—"

"Emily." She faced me and gripped both my shoulders. "My dearest, you need time to overcome this disappointment."

"I am not all that disappointed. Truly. But I don't want to be sifting through marriageable gentleman right now either." I couldn't imagine I ever would, but I didn't tell my sister that.

She patted my cheek. "I don't think you are as unscathed by Mr. Hyde's actions as you think you are."

My throat tightened and I lowered my head so she couldn't see my tears. I wanted to hug her and be held by her, but we were in a public place and it wasn't the done thing.

"Oh, Emily."

"I don't love him," I said, dashing the tears away. "But I had decided to make a life with him. I suppose that's why I can't be angry at him for doing the same with that girl. He doesn't love her, but he will be good to her, I know it. Just as I would have been a good wife to him. I had settled it in my mind. Celia, I meant what I said yesterday. Theo was going to be my ticket out of my life as a medium. I don't want to perform anymore."

"I know." She rubbed my damp cheek with her thumb. "There will be other opportunities, Em, even if it means considering options we had previously discounted. We'll discuss it more at home. For now..." She nodded past my shoulder. "This room is no longer very private."

"Let's see if Adelaide is free." We wove through the crowds beginning to make their way into the refreshment room. The musicians were resting and the dancers thirsty. I spotted Adelaide across the room, talking to a footman. She saw us and waved us over.

"Emily, there's a woman here for you," she said. "A Mrs. Stanley. She said you'd know what it's about."