Evermore (Emily Chambers Spirit Medium Trilogy #3)(44)

I withdrew my hands. "And you are not."

She looked up sharply. Her eyes were large pools. "Oh, Em! No, I didn't mean that. I am very happy with you. And with Cara. I adore you, you know that."

"But you are not fulfilled. Something is missing." Until I'd said it, I didn't realize how much I understood my sister. She did love me. I knew that without a doubt. But one day I would move on. As would Cara. Celia craved something that was just hers alone, forever. A husband to cherish always, children, a home that had her stamp on it, not Mama's.

"Do not wait, Emily. Do not throw your future away over a man who can never be there. This love you feel for him...it will fade over time."

I shook my head and was about to protest, but she put a finger to my lips, shushing me.

"It will always be within you, like a dull ache, but the intensity will dampen and other loves will make up for its loss. Children, a husband who adores you. And Theo does love you. Any fool can see it. Please...love him back or at least accept him and care for him. For your sake. And for Jacob's."

"Jacob?" I swallowed but couldn't dislodge the lump in my throat.

"If he loves you, he will want you to have a full life. He would not wish you to be unhappy, not even for a moment, let alone decades."

Tears slid down my cheeks and dripped off my chin onto my lap. "He does want my happiness." I was shaking, my body quivering like a jelly. "He said...he said Theo would be good to me."

She put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me to her. Our foreheads touched and although I couldn't see her face, I knew she was crying too. "Then you must marry Theo Hyde. Live long with him at your side, love him and be loved in return. You deserve nothing less."

My heart cracked and I turned into her shoulder. Great, heaving sobs wracked me and I felt like I was being turned inside out, my soul exposed. I had always prided myself on being emotionally strong, but at that moment, I felt as weak as a little child. It was a long time before I could speak and when I did, my voice did not sound like my own. "I do want to give up being a medium, performing at soirees and afternoon teas. I'm tired of it, Celia. I suppose Theo could give me a life where I don't have to do it anymore."

"Emily...I did not know the extent of your dislike for your work." She wiped away my tears with her thumbs. "I'm sorry, I—"

"Don't apologize. I know we needed the money and I wanted to help our situation. But if I were to wed Theo..." The idea of marrying him was still so new to me, I could not yet put it into words.

"A lawyer would make a good wage," she finished for me. "It won't be necessary for you to work once you are wed." She smiled through her tears. "Just as well because all of our séances have been canceled."

"All! Surely not everyone has heard about our last two failures. And if they have, I'm surprised they think that's reason enough to cancel."

"It's not just the difficulty summoning spirits. It's worse." She tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Some are saying you are a fraud, true, but others claim you release evil spirits." She waved a hand in dismissal. "Ridiculous claims and I told them so."

I slumped back into the sofa. Celia, quite recovered, told me to sit up straight like a young lady. "So you see, you must secure Theo Hyde soon," she said. "Tomorrow night. At the ball." She nodded at Cara who still slept, or feigned sleep, by the fireplace. "Our future depends on it."

***

I lay awake in the darkness of my bedroom thinking about a life with Theo. Would I like to marry him? Could I do it? Every time I closed my eyes and thought about our wedding day and beyond, the face that came to me wasn't Theo's but Jacob's. And when I thought about Jacob, and what lay ahead for him, I couldn't stop crying. I sobbed into the pillow until there was no breath left in me and I could only make little gasping noises.

"Don't be sad."

I was so drained that I couldn't even twitch in surprise at the sound of Jacob's voice. I rolled over and could just make out his fuzzy outline in the darkness. With his superior spirit sight, he could probably see my puffy eyes and red nose. I didn't care.

"Jacob." I sat up. "Are you all right? Should you be here? Doesn't it make you weaker?"

He sat on the edge of my bed near my hip. The mattress hardly depressed, so light was he. "You know I can't stay away from you, no matter what."

"But—"

"Shhh." He leaned down and kissed my damp cheek. "Don't worry about it. Tell me why you're so upset."

"I...it's nothing. Forget about me. Jacob, something important has happened. We discovered that Mrs. White is the one who killed you. She's behind the curses. George, Theo, and Louis are fetching a counter curse as we speak." I caressed his cheek with the back of my hand. "It'll all be resolved very soon. Everything will return to normal in the Waiting Area and you...you will be able to crossover. We have your killer."

He sighed and his body seemed to relax a little. "Thank God," he murmured. "Emily, you are a marvel."

"It was you who set us on the trail of Mrs. White. If you hadn't discovered she was Frederick Seymour's mother, we would still be in the dark." I cupped his face in my hands. It was cold.