Evermore (Emily Chambers Spirit Medium Trilogy #3)(45)

"I cannot tell you how relieved I am to hear you speak of this being over. So many spirits have gone. The Administrators too. There is only me and a handful of others holding on up there. It's so difficult, Em. It takes so much out of me."

"Then you must go. Go back there and rest. Do not spend all your energy here." I gave his shoulder a gentle shove, but he did not leave.

He took my hands and pressed them to his lips. "Emily...I needed..." He disappeared and I held my breath, but thankfully he returned in the same position. "...need to see you...last time."

"This is not the last time." I rose up on my knees on the bed and clutched his shirt, twisting the linen in my fists. "Jacob, it will soon be over. You must hang on until tomorrow night."

"...try." He smiled sadly. "If all...well...crossover anyway. So this...bye."

"No! No, it's not goodbye." I shook my fists, still holding onto his shirt. Hot tears burned my cheeks again and it felt like they would never end. "I'm not ready. Not yet. Jacob..."

He gently pried my fingers out of his shirt then drew me to him and wrapped his arms around me like a blanket. I cried into his chest until there was nothing left but deep, aching sorrow.

We stayed like that, with my head tucked beneath his chin and his arms around me, for a long time. It wasn't until he began to shiver that I pulled away.

"You're cold," I said.

"A little."

"Let me warm you."

"I don't think...can."

"How do you know? Has anyone else tried?"

"Jealous?" He sounded amused.

"Come lie with me." I lifted the edge of the bedcovers.

"...shouldn't."

"I don't care about what we should and should not do. Jacob, this may be the last time we see each other. Can you not forget propriety for a few moments and lie with me?"

I took his hand and guided him down. He rested his head on the pillow beside mine and stretched out his long legs beneath the covers. I linked my fingers with his between us.

"Promise...not to...advantage of me?" he said with a smile in his voice.

I laughed. "I'll try, although I am sorely tempted."

"So am I," he whispered.

I leaned closer and found his mouth with my own. Our light, teasing kisses were like tiny sparks upon impact, then something within me ignited and I deepened the kiss. Warmth spread down my spine, between my thighs, all the way to my toes, and I hoped he felt it too. He groaned, a loud sound compared to the whispered words he'd been speaking. Then he broke the kiss but did not pull away.

"Emily," he murmured against my lips. "Ah, Em... wish...lie...forever."

"We will," I heard myself say. "One day. We will be together."

"Promise...promise me...don't give up...on life." He lifted himself up on one elbow and regarded me from above. I wished it weren't so dark so I could see him, but perhaps it was for the best that I couldn't. The fierce intensity with which he spoke alarmed me enough. "Don't...for me."

"I promise to live a full life here," I said with as much conviction as my aching heart could muster. "But I cannot promise I will be happy." I opened my arms and he lowered himself into them. "Satisfied?"

His answer was a deep, shuddering sigh. We held each other, chest to chest and hip to hip, and there we stayed as he grew weaker toward dawn. Finally, as I lay in that foggy place between awake and sleep, he faded away completely.

***

The Beaufort house in Belgrave Square was like a beacon in the clear spring night. Light blazed from all the windows and the lamps on the guests' coaches formed a bright, swaying river along the street. Celia and I had intended to hire a hansom to take us but one of George's carriages arrived unannounced, minus George of course. He'd thought of everything.

We were delivered to the ball in grand style, made even grander by my gown. It was fit for a princess. Of the palest gold, it was decorated with ruffles of lace on the skirt and across the neckline, with an elegant bustle cascading to the floor at the back. A cluster of pink rosettes on each small sleeve at the shoulders matched the ones in my hair. No one who saw me would think me out of place at Adelaide Beaufort's ball.

It was difficult to appreciate the moment, however. The memory of Jacob's body lying next to me, cold and weak, was still so strong and dampened my enthusiasm. Mrs. Stanley had not come to me with the counter curse, nor had George.

We left our shawls with the maid in the ladies' dressing room and joined the procession to greet Adelaide and her parents.

"Where's Mr. Culvert?" Adelaide whispered, after complimenting me on my gown.

"Delayed," I said. "He really wants to be here, but there was an urgent errand he had to make first."

Her smile slipped. "Oh. I do hope he won't be long. I've reserved two dances for him but if he doesn't show soon, I'll have to cross his name off my card."

"Keep the dances open," I said. "He would be extremely disappointed to miss out."

Her cheeks reddened. "Would he? Oh, good. I mean, not good that he'd be disappointed, just good that he wishes to dance with me."

"Come along, Emily," Celia said. "You're holding everyone up."