Evermore (Emily Chambers Spirit Medium Trilogy #3)(43)

Oh dear. If my father didn't take charge, the task was doomed.

George left and I quickly grew restless. There was little to do at home except watch Celia adjust the hem on my gown and play cards with Cara. It rained briefly, but once it cleared I decided to walk to Grosvenor Street and see if Mrs. White was still at number twelve.

The brisk stroll in the cool air worked wonders on my frustration and I arrived at Grosvenor Square very quickly. I watched number twelve for a short time but there was no sign of Mrs. White. Since the sky threatened rain once more, it was doubtful if she would take her charges out—if she did indeed still work there—so I decided to visit her instead.

Well, not her exactly. I questioned a maid leaving via the servants' stairs. She said Mrs. White had suddenly resigned her position as governess that afternoon, leaving the mistress a note and not even saying goodbye to her charges or the other staff. Apparently everyone in the household was shocked by her decision.

I was not. Mrs. White must be worried that we would send the police to her door or, worse, Lord Preston. Hopefully Mrs. Stanley knew where to find her or our plan would come to naught. We needed Mrs. White to think I was delivering the curse so that she would not try to find anyone else in the meantime.

It began to rain so I huddled under my umbrella as I headed back to Druids Way. Lucy had a welcoming cup of warm chocolate waiting for me. I sipped it in the cozy private parlor as Celia worked on the hem of my gown and Cara dozed by the fireplace. It was terribly difficult not to wonder how George, Theo, and Louis fared as night fell. How far had they traveled? Where would they stay overnight? Was my father a good horseman and what did he think of their strange task? I didn't like thinking of the three of them confronting an unpredictable gypsy tribe, but it was better to do that than let my mind wonder to Jacob.

I felt sick to my stomach whenever I recalled how he looked the last few times I'd seen him. It was like watching a pair of butterfly wings slowly disintegrate in the sun. Soon he would be nothing. Not even a spirit. My heart clenched like a fist and punched into my ribs. I may never see him again, neither in this realm nor in the Otherworld. If Mrs. White succeeded, we would never be together.

Eternity without the man I loved was a bleak and miserable prospect.

I set down my chocolate cup because my shaking hands could no longer hold it steady.

"At least we have something pleasant to look forward to," Celia said, studying her handiwork.

I stared at her, trying to think through the mire of dark thoughts clogging my mind. But I could not. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and make Jacob better through sheer willpower.

When I didn't answer, Celia looked up. She frowned but said nothing. "All this business with the spirits, Louis' return, and now the cancelations...we deserve an enjoyable evening."

"Yes, of course," I said, not really listening.

"How many dances has Theo reserved with you?"

"How many...? You mean the ball?" I shrugged. "I don't recall. None, I think."

Celia dropped her hands to her lap and regarded me. "What do you mean? He must have reserved some dances. He's very taken with you. It's as clear as the nose on my face."

I rubbed my forehead. "Perhaps he has. I don't remember."

"Emily." I could tell from the tone of her voice that I was about to receive a lecture. Ordinarily I would make excuses and leave, but I no longer cared. Let her say whatever was on her mind. What did it matter anymore? "Emily, do not let him think you are in love with another."

"I'm not. I mean, I'm not giving him that impression." At least, I didn't think so. I sighed. "I'm sure we'll dance together tomorrow night."

"You are looking forward to the ball, are you not?"

"Of course. I just wish there were not so many other burdens to be endured. It colors the experience somewhat."

"I know, Em, I know. But you will resolve this as you've resolved the other situations. I have the utmost faith in you, my girl." Her quiet, determined voice compelled me to look at her. Tears shone in her eyes but she was smiling a little. It was not a smile I could decipher. "Emily, if he declares himself at the ball, what will you say?"

"Declares himself! Oh...I...do you think he will?"

"I think it likely. Please, do not throw away this opportunity. Emily...being settled to a good man is not an easy thing to achieve. There are not too many to be had, unfortunately." She looked down at her fingers, still clutching the needle and the hem of my gown. "Take my situation, for example. I had three men court me. If I'd known then what I know now, I would have accepted one."

"Do not think like that, Celia. They were good men, but you didn't love any of them. Mama knew it, as did I." I moved to sit beside her and covered her hand with my own. She did not look up but her lashes were damp even though her cheeks were dry. "Celia, a lifetime is a long time to be with someone you don't love."

"Oh, Emily." She heaved a deep sigh. "I commend you for your idealism. I really do. But making decisions based on your heart's desire can lead to disaster. In Mama's case, it did not, but in mine...in mine..." She sniffed and closed her eyes. I squeezed her hands harder. "In mine, waiting for love has led me to long years of loneliness. I should not have waited. I would have been perfectly happy with one of those other men. Good, solid men with good, solid work. They're all married now, and they're all happy."