Burn Before Reading(84)
“Hey, am I okay to drive?” I asked.
Fitz buried his head in Keri’s shoulder farther to avoid looking at me. Keri rolled her eyes and forced him off.
“Come on, you owe her a sentence at the very least,” Keri chided.
“Don’t worry about the pool thing, okay? I’m fine, see?” I showed off with a twirl, but Fitz just glowered at the carpet by my feet.
“It’s worn off by now,” He grumbled.
“Great!” I smiled and patted his head. “I’ll see you later, then. Tell Burn and Wolf to have a good night for me, will you?”
He didn’t reply, Keri flashing me an ‘I’m sorry’ smile. I waved it off and made towards the door. It was strange – whispers followed me. And not the quiet kind.
“She fell in the pool and almost drowned.”
“Didn’t someone call an ambulance?”
“Wolf gave her CPR, so she didn’t need it,” Someone laughed.
My hand froze, hovering over the front doorknob. I pushed myself to open the door, to walk out and act natural even as my head whirled chaotically. CPR. That meant, like, thumping on my chest, right? That was it. That was all. There wasn’t any mouth-to-mouth involved, except there definitely was, because it was CPR and oh god my life was over, I smiled at him like nothing had happened between us but he definitely, definitely put his lips on mine – I winced with every step back to the car. I was so casual in the room! No wonder he looked uncomfortable the entire time we were in there together! He’d – I’d – We’d – I plunked my head against the steering wheel and told myself to take deep breaths. It was just lips. Who cares? He basically saved my life – that’s way more important than the fact it was a semi-kiss. It could’ve been the worst person at that party who gave me CPR – Taryn or Anna, or maybe that one guy who refused to pull his eyes from any girl’s chest – and I still would be grateful to them for saving me. I’d been stupid for even entertaining Fitz’s drug stuff in the first place! Desperation nearly killed me, tonight.
The roads, empty and bathed in moonlight, looked somehow more beautiful than ever. Maybe it was the near-death experience. Maybe it was the crushing embarrassment from making shitty decisions at a very public party. Maybe it was the fact Wolf and I technically kissed. Maybe it was the fact I let Wolf Blackthorn put his head on my lap when I’d expressly told him I’d never help him again. I guess it was payment for saving me. I could rationalize it a hundred different ways, but the fact of the matter was I’d gone back on my word. And the worst part? I didn’t care. It felt nice, helping. Being needed. Even if I couldn’t help Mom and Dad, I could help Wolf Blackthorn, at the very least.
And now I was on my way to stab him in the back.
I couldn’t do it anymore. This was it. I couldn’t keep spying for Mr. Blackthorn. I’d tell him I didn’t want to do it anymore, that I quit. And whatever happened because of it, I’d deal with it. I’d gotten myself into this mess. The least I could do was get myself out of it.
Even if it meant risking NYU. Even if it meant risking everything I’d worked so damn hard for. I couldn’t keep doing this. Not after everything.
I’d find another way to help Dad. I’d find another way to keep my scholarship. It would be okay. I hugged myself a little as I got out of the car in the Ciao Bella parking lot. It would all be okay. It had to be. You have to make it okay, Bee. For you, and for Dad, and Mom, and the Blackthorn brothers. They’re all relying on you.
Ciao Bella was practically empty by the time I made it. I checked my phone, shaking it a little to get it to turn on – it was 11:47. I pushed into the doors breathlessly, my heart beating against my chest. Mr. Blackthorn sat in the back, looking like the perfect picture of serenity and calm. That only made me more nervous. This was the most powerful man on the school board, and I was about to tell him to go stick his head up his ass. Politely.
“Hi, Mr. Blackthorn. Sorry I’m late.”
His handsome face crinkled with a smile.
“It’s quite alright. I heard from Kristin you were at a party. Doing some research for me, I assume. How kind of you.”
“Uh, yeah, about that.” I twisted a napkin in my hands. “Thank you for, uh, the offer and all, but I’m quitting.”
Mr. Blackthorn didn’t react, only taking a slow, even sip of his coffee. He looked as if I hadn’t said anything, as if my voice was silence.
“I’m not doing it anymore,” I insisted. “The spying thing –“
“If it’s your scholarship you’re worried about, fret not, Miss Cruz. I’ll honor my agreement. You have it in writing, as well.”
“It’s not that –“
“Then what is it?” Mr. Blackthorn asked, a little sharper than before. “Is it my sons? Are they hurting you? Being cruel? Can you not set aside your feelings for a few simple weeks and endure it for the sake of your future?” He sat back in the booth and sighed. “I thought you were a stronger girl than that.”
He was trying to manipulate me. All the textbooks signs were there. The belittling, the ‘you’re better than that’. His bodyguards, the usual two huge men in suits, didn’t even blink.
“Listen, Mr. Blackthorn,” I started. “I was scared, at the time I agreed to all this.”