Boys Like You(55)

I turned in the opposite direction and let the shadows fall over me, but their darkness offered no relief. They only offered a window to disappear into— a moment in time— and I wondered if Nathan had found his own window. His own shadow.

And I wondered if it felt as empty as mine.

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Chapter Twenty-Six


Monroe


It was close to midnight when I finally parked the Matlock in Gram’s driveway. A light rain had started a few hours ago, and the temperature had gotten warmer instead of cooler. Thunder and lightning cut across the sky, but the rain remained steady, falling in soft waves against the windshield.

“Where are you, Nathan?” I asked the darkness, but of course there was no answer.

It felt like I had driven up and down every freaking street in Twin Oaks and then I’d headed to the drive-in, but there was no bush party tonight. I’d even swung by Baker’s Landing, hoping that maybe he was there, but again it was quiet, with only the swans in the pond to greet me.

I was trying to be strong. Trying not to be mad at Nathan, but it was hard when I was basically going insane. I don’t even know why I bothered coming back to Gram’s— it’s not like I was going to be able to sleep or anything— but I’d called her and told her I’d be home by midnight, and really, where else could I go? I didn’t know where else to look.

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I slipped out of the car and trudged toward the porch but paused, one foot on the bottom step, head to the sky as the rain slid over my cheeks. Somewhere in the darkness, I heard an owl.

The sound was so lonely and sad. So freaking appropriate.

What was I doing? There was no way I could sleep.

I took a step back and then walked around the house. In the distance, the shadows were thicker, and my eyes moved over the large crypt where the family bones were buried.

Fireflies danced around the edge of the cemetery, appearing between the raindrops, only to disappear in a flash. And there just beyond the maze… the maze.

Oh my God, the maze!

I ran like a crazy person, nearly falling when my feet slipped in the wet grass, but didn’t stop until I zigzagged through the familiar path and stopped in the center. Our center.

It was darker in here, the shadows falling from the six-foot-high hedge even thicker than outside, and with the rain sliding across my skin and into my eyes, at first I thought it was empty.

But then a shadow moved, there in the corner, and I held my breath, afraid that if I exhaled, my world would shatter and the vision would disappear. And I needed it not to disappear. I needed it to be real.

Nathan.

Gram told me once that there are moments that stay with us for the rest of our lives. Some of them are beautiful. Some are painful. And some don’t seem to matter at all until much later.

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But some, like this one, this moment about to happen, had the potential to be life-altering.

Nate scrubbed at his eyes, and that long hair of his was a mess of crazy waves that curled around his face and was plas-tered to his neck. His T-shirt clung to him, wet and trans-parent, his jeans equally soaked. Rain slid off him the same way it rolled off my skin, and as he stepped closer, I could see the pain in his eyes.

He hunched his shoulders forward and looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice rough. “I’ve been here for hours, but I didn’t know what to do. What to say. So I just ignored everyone.” He shuddered. “Even you.”

Right now, here in this place that was ours, I didn’t care about any of it. I only cared about him. About stopping his pain and helping him the way he’d helped me. Something fierce burned in my chest, something hot and wonderful and scary.

Something that maybe should wait, but I knew I wasn’t strong enough to push it back. But was I strong enough to deal with the fallout?

“I love you,” I whispered.

His head whipped up and he dragged his hand across his forehead, slicking his hair back out of his eyes.

“What?”

I took the steps that brought us so close I felt the heat radi-ating off him, and I placed my hands on his chest. I felt his heart beating. Heard the ragged breaths falling from his chest.

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And I looked up into eyes that I could lose myself in.

“I know it probably sounds crazy to you. I mean, we just met not that long ago, but I love you, Nathan.”

My hands slipped around his waist and I rested my head in the crook of his neck. I love you.

He shook against me, his body tense, and then his hands slid around my shoulders and he crushed me to him, his nose against my neck.

“I need you,” he whispered. “So much. So f*cking much.”

He jerked his head up, and then his hands were in my hair, tugging me until I was forced to look into his eyes.

“I love you, Monroe. God, I’ve never felt this way about a girl but…I just…there’s so much shit and I don’t know how to deal with it, and Trevor…he…”

Nathan rested his forehead against mine, and for a few moments, we breathed into each other.