An Uncertain Choice(59)

By the light of the lone candle on the table, the gray in his eyes turned sterling silver. “Then you’re confident he’ll win my freedom?”

“I believe the truth will eventually make itself known.” I only wished the duke would return soon and make things right, before it was too late. “And once you’re free, what will you do? Where will you go?”

He shrugged. “I suppose I always thought I’d fight in tournaments for a while so that I could save up a fortune for myself. And the duke will reward me with land for my service to him . . .”

“Have you ever thought of trying to reclaim what once belonged to your father?”

“No. ’Tis not mine to claim anymore. The lands, the castle, the wealth has changed hands many times over the years. And to go in now and try to win back what once belonged to my family would mean ripping away the livelihoods and homes of innocent people who now live and work there.”

“I respect you for your decision.”

The lines in his face had hardened. “So you see why I haven’t had reason to plan ahead. I have no future — ?at least not one that is worthy.”

I could sense from the darkness settling over him that I was losing him again to his past. “But you have such good ideas. I’ve listened to the way you’ve spoken with my noblemen. And all of your ideas for improvement have great merit. In fact, I should like to hear more of them, especially since you’ve aptly pointed out to me that I could help the poor of my kingdom in more efficient ways.”

I was relieved when his passion for the topic chased away his melancholy. The chess game lay untouched between us as I found myself enveloped in a conversation about the various ways I could promote prosperity and health among my people, the new farming techniques he proposed, the better methods for distributing help to those in need, the creation of better jobs and pay, and the ways to control illness.

I was swept so deeply into the discussion, I was startled when Bartholomew approached the table. “It’s nearly dawn, my lady. We need to get the prisoner back into his cell before the servants awake.”

Reluctantly, Derrick pushed away from the table and stood. As Bartholomew worked on switching the chains from Derrick’s feet back to his hands, I stifled a tired but satisfied yawn.

“Since we weren’t able to finish our chess game,” I said with a smile at him. “I propose a rematch on the coming night.”

“Yes, I propose the same,” he said with a wink, “as you still need the benefit of my chess expertise.”

I laughed softly. And as Bartholomew led him away, my heart filled with happiness and also an exquisite longing that I couldn’t explain or deny.





I fidgeted all day, my discontent growing until I thought I would fairly burst from the need to see him again. The next two days were filled with the same — ?waiting all day, my impatience growing until Trudy found me unbearable. My only outlet was in the ongoing investigation I was doing with the help of James, my porter. I’d sent him to scour the sheriff’s estate and to interview each of his servants. Not only did I hope to gain a clue about the identity of the true murderer, but I also hoped to find some evidence that might link the sheriff with the outbreaks, although I didn’t know what.

Even so, I couldn’t rest or find release from my inner torment until the dark hours of the night, when Bartholomew snuck Derrick into the Great Hall to the table in front of the hearth where we could talk for endless hours with the chess game between us.

Of course, the chess game never proceeded more than a play or two before a new conversation diverted our attention.

With only two nights left until my eighteenth birthday, a panic started to form in the pit of my stomach. James hadn’t discovered anything. And I couldn’t put aside the thought that the duke should have returned by now, that he should have found evidence to free Derrick and absolve him of his crimes. But we’d had no word from the duke or Sir Collin and Sir Bennet. My weeklong promise to my dear friend was ending, and my birthday was fast approaching, the day when I’d have no choice but to leave the castle and enter the convent to fulfill the Ancient Vow.

Most of my chests had already been transported to my new living quarters, and I knew the abbot was patiently awaiting my arrival.

But with each passing day, my uncertainty about entering the convent only grew. I’d prayed harder and more fervently that God would show me what he wanted me to do. I didn’t know how I could bear to leave Derrick. But I didn’t know what other choice I had.

I’d considered going against the abbot’s wise counsel and releasing Derrick. But if I did so, what kind of message would I send to my people about justice?

And what if I married him even though he was my prisoner? The problem was that even if I was agreeable to having Derrick for my husband, he’d never made any mention of wanting to marry me.

Certainly, I’d felt his attraction. And he’d hinted at wanting to be with me. But he hadn’t mentioned any plans. It was almost as if he were approaching our relationship the same way he played a game of chess — ?without any thought or strategy. Perhaps he didn’t know what he really wanted.

What if he didn’t love me enough to want to overcome the odds standing between us? Maybe he didn’t really love me at all. Maybe his feelings for me didn’t run as deeply as mine.