An Uncertain Choice(56)

I grinned, even as my insides flared with the thought of the kind of reward I truly longed for from her, though I would never ask for it now.

Standing next to the door, the old hunched guard gave a slight cough.

“Is it true what I’ve heard?” I asked, quickly changing the subject. “Are you making plans to enter the convent?”

“Yes. It’s true.” Her voice had a note of resignation. “I have only five days left. The abbot has gone to make ready my rooms. What other choice do I have?”

I wanted to argue with her but forced myself to respond rationally. “Have you thought about how you’ll guarantee the safety of your people when you’re in the convent? How will you protect them from there?”

“I don’t lose my ability to rule after I fulfill my vow.”

“Will the abbot allow it?”

“Of course he will. I’ll be eighteen and ruler in my own right.”

I shrugged, but wariness wormed into my stomach, turning it sour. Did the abbot think that by keeping Rosemarie cloistered, he’d still be able to control her? Was he opposed to her marrying because he knew he’d lose his influence over her?

“Perhaps you should speak further with the abbot about how you’ll continue your reign from inside the convent’s walls.”

She peered at me, her eyes thoughtful, her lips pursed.

“My lady,” whispered the guard. “I think we should be going now.”

She moved as if to go, then pressed even closer to the bars of my cell, gripping my hand harder. “Did you do it, Derrick? Tell me the truth. I need to know.” Her voice was low and anguished.

I knew what she was referring to. I knew she wanted me to deny any involvement in the crimes. But it hurt that she could believe, even for one minute, I’d stoop so low.

“Do you really think I’m capable?” I whispered back, unable to keep the harshness from my tone.

“No.” Her whisper was still troubled but her answer took away the sting of her question nevertheless. Her brows furrowed and she peered into my eyes as if attempting to see into my soul. “If you didn’t do it, then why won’t you defend yourself?”

The reckless, heedless part of me had longed to rise to my own defense when the abbot had leveled the accusations against me. I’d wanted to shout out that I had nothing to do with any of the incidents, especially when I’d seen the disappointment in Rosemarie’s eyes.

But the self-restraint the duke had taught me over the years had been in good stead. I’d held back the words of defense. I’d humbled myself. And I’d taken the brunt of the abbot’s accusations without a fight, so that no one else would incur such needless blame.

“Remember, we show courage in many ways,” I said.

Even as the words left my lips, the truth of the statement pounded me. I’d always believed my father was a coward. But what if my father had refused to fight because he’d hoped to keep his family from dying of starvation? Perhaps he’d believed that handing himself over would at least save the lives of his wife and children. And it likely would have, under normal circumstances.

Rosemarie continued to study my face as if searching for the truth there.

“Sometimes courage can even take the form of a head bowed before the enemy,” I said softly, repeating the words Rosemarie had once spoken to me. Maybe I’d been wrong about my father all this time. What if my father had shown more courage in humbling himself rather than fighting?

“But if you’re innocent, why didn’t you say so?”

“Would it have done any good? With all the evidence pointing toward my guilt, who would have believed me?”

“I would have believed you,” she whispered. “I do believe you.”

I leaned against the bars. We were less than a hand’s span apart. Her warmth and life radiated into me, and once again I inhaled the fragrance of roses that surrounded her. Before I thought to stop myself, I slipped my fingers through the bars and touched her cheek. I knew I should resist. I had no right to win her affection, especially now.

Even so, I caressed her soft, unblemished skin. When she leaned into my touch, my heart gave a hard knock against my chest.

“I want you to believe me too,” I said softly. “I want you to trust that I would never, ever do anything intentionally that would bring you harm. In fact, I would lay down my very life for you.”

She released a sigh that brushed my wrist and sent my pulse into a thundering gallop.

The old guard nearby lifted his torch, exposing my intimate touch on her face. “We really need to go, my lady.”

She took a step back, breaking our contact. “If not you, then who?”

“I cannot say.” I’d spoken briefly with the duke as well as Collin and Bennet about my suspicions. But they couldn’t bring forward any accusations until they had solid proof. “I’m hoping when the duke returns, he’ll bring news of the true criminal that will set me free.”

“Unless my servants can uncover the truth first.” She drew her cloak about her. “I won’t let them rest until they’ve questioned every person in the land.”


Her declaration sent warmth pouring over me and I almost reached for her again. But she spun away, following her guard back down the passageway.

I pushed against the bars, the cold rusted iron bruising me. I wanted to call out after her not to leave me, that I couldn’t bear to be away from her again, that I didn’t see how I could go on in life without her.