An Uncertain Choice(63)

A key grated in the lock, and then the door swung open to reveal the abbot. He stood before me, tall and thin in his plain brown habit.

“Father Abbot,” I said, relief pouring through me and chasing away all my fears. I wanted to fall into his arms and let him caress the hair off my forehead as he often did. But at the sight of the two laborers behind him, I froze.

They were the same men who had followed James into the Great Hall. The men who’d captured Trudy and me.

“There you are, your ladyship,” the abbot spoke gently. “I’ve been waiting for you to awaken.”

“You have?”

He nodded and tucked his hands into his sleeves. “I hope you’ll forgive me for scaring you, and for the rough way in which my men brought you here. I shall have them disciplined, your ladyship.”

The laborer’s faces had gone pale, but they didn’t move, and it was only then that I noticed their wrists bound with chains, and that they were at the mercy of several guards.

I swallowed past new fear that had risen into my throat. “Why did they do such a thing?”

“It’s nothing to concern yourself with, your ladyship.” The abbot nodded curtly and one of the guards shoved the kidnappers down the hallway, forcing them away.

“Now that you’re here and safe,” the abbot continued, smiling at me, “I shall take you to the guesthouse, where you’ll live until the abbey is constructed. My servants have been busy unpacking your belongings and making it home.”


He nodded at me, indicating that I should exit the room ahead of him and enter the dimly lit hallway.

But I couldn’t move. My entire body protested the thought of seeing the guesthouse. My heart cried out to be back with Derrick. I wanted him more than anything else.

I knew then that I’d finally made my choice: I loved him. Without a doubt. And I wanted to marry him and spend my life with him.

I couldn’t enter the convent. In fact, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what life would be like without him as a part of it.

“Father Abbot,” I said, reaching out a hand toward him. “I think there’s been a mistake.”

His expression remained placid. “I realize you don’t turn eighteen until tomorrow. But now that you’re here, we should get you situated, don’t you think?”

I shook my head. My heart squeezed painfully at the news I must give the abbot. I didn’t want to disappoint him. But I loved Derrick too much to throw away my chance at being with him. “I’m not going to enter the convent. I’ve decided I shall marry Derrick.”

If he’d have me. I suspected that he still didn’t think he was worthy, especially now with the convictions hanging over his head. But I’d assure him — ?until I was speechless, if necessary — ?that none of that mattered.

The abbot said nothing. But something about his eyes sharpened.

“I ask for your pardon.” I stepped toward him, hoping he wouldn’t be too angry with me. “I know you thought it would be best for me to come live here. But I’ve fallen in love with Derrick.”

Once I spoke the words, they filled the room and swelled within my heart. I couldn’t keep from smiling at the truth and beauty of them. “I love him.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” The abbot retreated into the hallway. “I thought once you were away from the temptation of that man, you’d see your future lies in serving God here.”

“But Derrick and I can serve God together,” I said, thinking of all our conversations about the changes we could make for the good of the people if we worked together.

“You belong here,” the abbot said without blinking, his tone boding no argument. “I’ve gone along with the duke’s scheming long enough. And now it’s time to put an end to it.”

I stared at the abbot, trying to make sense of him. “But didn’t you say you wanted me to see for myself if I found love —?”

“I didn’t believe you’d be so foolish as to give yourself over to the lusts of the flesh.” His words had a sting to them that bit into my heart and left me aching. A part of me desired peace with the abbot, to listen to him, to give in to his advice as I always had in the past. But another, deeper part of me knew that I had to step into my role as a leader. I had to be more commanding and confident as the ruler I was destined to be.

“I never imagined that I’d have the chance to fall in love,” I said, keeping my voice as even and authoritative as I could. “Even when presented with the exception to the Ancient Vow, I still thought it unlikely. But despite all the odds, it’s happened. I’ve found the love of my life. And now, if he’ll have me, I’ll marry him. Today.”

The abbot’s face pinched. “I’d hoped you would be reasonable as you have been in the past. But I can see now that your lusts have clouded your good judgment.”

With that, he spun out of the room and closed the door behind him. My pulse came to a shattering halt, and I could only stare at the door with an open mouth.

When the key scraped in the lock, a burst of panic erupted inside me and moved me to action. I flung myself at the thick plank and yanked on it. “You must release me, Father Abbot.”

“This is for your own good, your ladyship,” he called from the other side. “You’ll thank me later.”