Wicked Need (The Wicked Horse Series Book 3)(64)

“Why’s that?” I ask blandly.

“You’ve been absent for a while… you and Rand wrapped up in each other. It’s just odd you’re here now. Without him.”

I shrug and still don’t look at him.

A sip of wine.

Staring blankly at the bar top.

“I talked to my buddy, Kyle,” Bridger says in a low voice, thankfully leaving the subject of Rand and me alone. “He was noncommittal on whether he could identify the guy based on the description. I sort of got the impression he was going to poke around and find out what he could before he decides if he’s going to help.”

“What does that mean?” I ask as I swivel my stool so I’m facing Bridger.

“It means that if the hit on you was brought before the club and sanctioned, Kyle won’t tell me shit. But if this was a rogue act, he might give us a tip in the right direction.”

“Oh,” I say in disappointment as I swivel back to face the bar. I know Kevin’s not going to roll over on anything, and that the only way to pin him to this is by finding the guy who tried to carry out the order, hoping he gives Kevin up for a plea deal or something. It sounds to me as if that’s probably not going to happen, which is a cause for concern. It means I’m still vulnerable and although Richard has given me assurances, I think Kevin is a bit on the sociopathic side. I wouldn’t put it past him to continue to come after me.

“So this is it, huh?” he prods. “You’re making the break from him?”

So much for him leaving the subject of Rand and me alone. Gaze goes to my wine… wish I had about three of these in me right now. “It’s the right thing to do. He deserves better than me.”

“If you say so,” Bridger says mildly.

I turn to him in surprise, finally looking at the man who most people look upon as some sort of god around here. He’s been nothing short of nice and supportive of me, and I’ve always had the distinct impression he takes care of those he calls friends. I don’t necessarily think I’m in that category, but I know damn well Rand is. So, I thought he might try to persuade me otherwise.

For Rand’s benefit.

“You’re not going to try to talk me out of this?” I ask, my eyes narrowing on him.

“Nope,” he says with a confident smile. “You’re a big girl and can make your own decisions. You’re also a smart girl. I’ve got confidence in you.”

Huh?

I think this just affirms for me that Bridger probably recognizes those same god-awful qualities that I see in myself. He probably knows this is the best thing. This should be affirmation to me of my decision but instead it hurts me deep down to know that I must be right about myself.

“Besides,” Bridger says as almost an afterthought. “Rand just pulled into the parking lot as I was walking in. Figured he’ll have plenty to say to get you to change your mind.”

“Rand’s here?” I spin swiftly on my chair, looking back at the door. And sure enough, he’s standing there just at the end of the short hall that leads into the main room. His gaze is pinned on me with an absolutely unreadable expression on his face.

He stalks across the room, not looking anywhere else but at me. As he gets closer—when I can see the green of his eyes—I note they’re filled with disappointment.

When he reaches me, he spares a quick look to Bridger and lifts his chin in greeting before turning back to me. He just stares and I don’t know what to say. Should I apologize? Explain my actions? Or maybe I should just own them to make the break easier.

Before I can utter a word though, Bridger stands up and claps a hand on Rand’s shoulder I’m assuming in commiseration. He gives me a guarded look and turns to head back across the room. Rand and I both watch him walk out of The Silo.

“Why are you doing this, Cat?” Rand asks softly, and I slide my gaze back to him.

I lay open my heart and tell him the truth. “Because I’m not good enough for you.”

I expect him to scoff, roll his eyes, and lay into me with a speech about all my fine qualities. But he doesn’t. He just stares at me with the look of a man who knows the ride will be bumpy but who is prepared to hold on tight.

“If this is what you need to do,” Rand says in a neutral voice, “then you do it. Just so you know—it’s not going to change my feelings about you.”

My mouth falls open as I realize he’s deadly serious. “You’d sincerely be okay with me f*cking someone else here tonight?”

“No, I won’t be okay with it,” he says with a touch of anger in his voice and his eyes firing a little hot. “If you’re going to play around with others, I want to be involved. But if you feel this is what you need to do to because you can’t deal with my feelings, or maybe the feelings you have for me, then you need to do it.”

“I need to do it?” I whisper back in question since he seems to think he knows what I need.

“You need to do it,” he reiterates. “But I’m here to tell you, Cat. You won’t feel better. You’ll feel worse because you’ll know it hurts me. It won’t make the break any easier for either of us.”

This angers me because I know he’s right and I don’t want him to be. I also don’t want to f*ck someone else, so maybe I should just really lay it on the line so we can end things on words rather than actions.