Wicked Force (Wicked Horse Vegas #4.5)(36)

I give her a squeeze. “Singing comes so naturally to you, I imagine it is hard to struggle at something like this.”

She draws back to look at me, an irritated expression on her face. “And why am I even doing this? To work on a movie with a rude, arrogant star who I just know will make my life miserable. To suffer the patronizing way Ian talks to me and my mother’s ruthlessness to see me rise to the top.”

“You’re doing it because this could set up a career you never even dreamed of having,” I remind her solemnly. We’ve had this conversation many times the past several days.

“Why do you have to be so adult?” she mutters and I can’t help but chuckle.

My hand slides up her side, under her breast where I test its weight. I give it a soft squeeze and whisper, “You are all adult, Joslyn. Don’t doubt yourself.”

Her breath hitches but I release her and go back to the conversation at hand because it’s important. But first, I try to lighten the mood. “Well, I for one am glad Justin is rude. That way you won’t fall for him.”

Joslyn snorts. “As if. He’s such a jerk I can barely stand to kiss him.”

I grimace and pull her in tight to me. “Yeah... let’s not talk about that part of the movie. I’d just as soon ignore the fact another man is going to have his mouth on you.”

Joslyn pulls away to look at me earnestly. “I won’t do it if it bothers you.”

I smile and shake my head. “You may choose not to do this movie, but don’t ever make that decision based on whether or not the scenes cause you to touch another dude. That’s got nothing to do with me and you and I can separate out in my mind that it’s acting. Okay?”

“Okay,” she murmurs but adds on, “but I just am not sure if I should be doing this. There’s something that’s not sitting right with me.”

“Is it because you’re afraid for us or are you really just not liking this?”

Her expression turns to chagrin. “A lot of it is because I’m afraid of what will happen to us if I have to leave, but a large part of it is that I’m just not feeling that same rush of joy doing this as I do with singing. In fact, I’m not feeling anything at all. It’s like I was working a job as a secretary or something. Glad to have the work but at the end of the day, I’d rather be doing something more fulfilling.”

I find that to be very telling and this doesn’t surprise me. Every time she has to meet with her acting coach, she turns glum. When I try to practice with her, she fights me on it. I thought it might be her nerves and she’s trying to lower her own expectations of herself, but I’m starting to see that she just doesn’t have a burning need to be an actor.

Not the way she lives and breathes for her music.

“I never wanted this,” she tells me in a low voice, almost as if she’s ashamed. “I almost feel like my mom has lost sight of my dreams and she’s pursuing hers.”

I think Joslyn might be right about that and I think her insight is pretty accurate from what I’ve been able to observe, but I don’t validate.

I can’t.

I simply can’t do anything that will turn her away from doing this audition. I can’t be any part of such a decision that could make her hate me one day if she has regrets. So even though inside I’m terrified of what will happen to us once she leaves, I can’t let her know that.

If she’s offered the part, the filming is beginning very soon on the East Coast. It’s projected to take three months and, while I could wait until the end of time for her, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t admit I’ve got some doubts as to whether we can survive as a couple in that time period. She’ll be surrounded by famous people and leading an exciting life. She could very well decide that she doesn’t have room for a relationship. I’m smart enough to know that even though what we have is so fucking real, it doesn’t mean it’s not fragile. If we don’t foster this, it could die and it’s sure as hell going to be hard to nurture what we have if we aren’t physically together.

So I remain encouraging and supportive despite my misgivings, and that’s the way it will be.

“This may not have been your dream before, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be your dream now,” I tell her, just as I’ve practiced in my head over and over again so I can really sell my support to her. “This is a very rare opportunity, Jos. Forget about the money you could make and think about the amount of contacts you’ll come out of this with. Or the exposure. You’ll have record labels lined up around the block to sign you.”

None of this seems to matter to Joslyn. She leans in close to me and whispers, “Promise you’ll wait for me and that you won’t fall madly in love with the first pretty girl that catches your eye if I get the part.”

Funny that she’s the one that needs assurance. I could easily ask the same of her, but I’m too much of a man to admit my vulnerability to her. “There’s no way that could ever happen. You’re it for me, Joslyn.”

“You’re it for me too,” she replies and then presses her mouth to mine.

And as expected, my body reacts. How could it not when she’s warm, naked, and sitting in my lap? I put a palm to her breast and squeeze it as we kiss. Her nipples are so sensitive they harden upon contact. She wiggles and shifts around, causing painfully delicious friction on my dick.