Until Harry(80)

He blinked his whisky-coloured eyes that I loved so much. “Lochlan called me and told me you needed to talk to me and I had to come over right now.”

Anger surged through me. “Lochlan is a fucking bastard!” I growled.

How fucking dare he, my mind raged.

Kale refocused on my suitcases. “Lane, what are they for?”

Fuck.

“I . . . I have to leave.”

Kale didn’t move an inch. “I don’t understand,” he said after a few moments. “I mean, I get what this looks like, what it is, but why?”

I looked away from him. “You know why.”

He sucked in a breath. “Please don’t tell me this is because of us?”

Was there ever an “us” to begin with? my mind taunted.

“I’m leaving because I need space, a lot of space, to clear my head. It’s been clouded with you for years, and I just need to get you out of my system. Lavender is gone too, and I just can’t be here without her. I buried her today and it’s hitting me that she is gone. I need to get out of here.”

The muscle in Kale’s jaw rolled back and forth as I spoke. “Where will you go?” he asked.

“New York,” I swallowed. “I found an apartment with cheap rent in a good neighbourhood.”

I watched as Kale let my words sink in. “America?” he whispered. “You’re leaving for America?”

I nodded. “I’m sorry, but I have to leave.”

“And I only find out now?” he angrily snapped. “Right before you walk out the door to up and move out of the country, you decide to fucking tell me?”

Anger was good; I could fight it with my own.

“Yeah, like how you knew Drew was pregnant for weeks and never told me until a few hours after I found out my best friend was dead?”

Kale reeled back like I hit him. “That’s different.”

“How?” I snapped.

“Because I was figuring out a way to tell you without hurting you.”

It was always going to hurt. Always.

“You’re having a baby with someone else. How could that ever not hurt me?” I asked as my shoulders slumped.

Kale licked his lip, and instead of answering my question, he said, “This is so fucked up.”

Finally, something I agreed with.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It is.”

He remained silent in the doorway of the sitting room, blocking my exit. I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose and checked the watch on my wrist. When I saw the time, I cursed. “I’m not going to make my flight if I don’t leave now,” I said to Kale. “I have check-in and security to get through, and my gate opens in an hour.”

He stood rooted to the spot.

“Kale,” I said with impatience. “Move.”

“No,” he replied firmly. “I won’t. We can figure this out. You don’t have to leave the bloody country, Lane.”

I didn’t want to hear any of this, so I gripped my cases and tugged them over to the doorway and tried to get by his lean body. I angrily shoved at his chest when he wouldn’t budge.

“Move!” I pleaded.

“Lane!” he shouted and grabbed hold of my arms. “What the hell do you want from me? Nothing I do is good enough for you. What the hell do you want? Tell me, because I don’t fucking know.”

I dropped my guard and unleashed the feelings I’d bundled deep down for years.

“You, Kale!” I bellowed. “I just want you!”

Kale stumbled back a step or two from me like my words hit him with the force of a train. When he balanced himself, he stood motionless as he stared at me. The silence between us was deafening, but I used it to get everything I had wanted to say all my life off my chest. I needed to tell him how I felt, even if it meant the end of everything.

“I’ve always wanted you, but I couldn’t have you,” I cried, breaking down as fat tears fell from the brim of my swollen eyes and rolled down my flushed cheeks. “I have to leave. It’s ripping me apart watching you be happy with someone else. I want you to be happy, I swear I do, but it’s hurting me that I’m not the woman making you smile. I’m so tired of being sad, Kale.”

Kale didn’t speak; he just continued to stare at me.

“I love you. I’ve always loved you . . . just not in the way you love me.” I looked him in the eye. “I’m in love with you. I have been forever.”

Kale opened his mouth to speak, but when nothing came out, he closed his lips.

I held my hand up. “You don’t need to say anything – you don’t even need to feel any type of way about this,” I assured him. “This isn’t your issue; it’s mine.”

Kale blinked his eyes a couple of times.

“You love me?” he whispered, his eyes wide and distant.

I swallowed. “Yes, I love you.”

Kale blinked his eyes back into focus and trained his gaze on me. “But . . . but you told me it wasn’t like that between us – you told me it wasn’t. I asked you, and you told me no. You told me no.”

My heart shattered once again.

“I was terrified what I felt was wrong. I tortured myself for years because I thought I was dirty for loving a person who everyone considered my brother.” I cast my eyes downward to try and gain control of my tears; if I didn’t look at him maybe I wouldn’t hurt as bad.