Touch Me Not (Manwhore, #1)(25)

“What does that mean? Milaya? It’s Russian?”

“Yes, it’s Russian,” he said.

“So?” she prompted. “What does it mean?”

Nikoli wasn’t ready to tell her yet what it meant. He wasn’t even sure himself why he called her that. It meant sweetheart. He’d never in his life called a woman sweetheart. It slipped out around this one, and it unnerved him a little.

“What it means doesn’t matter.” He brushed the question aside. “Are you ready for this, Lily? Really ready for it? I want you to be sure.”

“I…I don’t want to live like this anymore, terrified, unable to show anyone how much I care about them. I can’t even hug my mom.” She twisted her fingers, her anxiety easy to read. “Even if things don’t turn out with Adam, I want to be normal again, Nikoli. I want to have what everyone else has—someone who loves them, a family. I need to be able to touch someone in order to get that. ”

Nikoli watched her. So many emotions ran rampant on her face. He couldn’t even begin to fathom all the pain this woman had gone through, but here she sat, stronger than most. Yeah, she had a hang-up, but she was trying to get past it. She wasn’t taking it lying down anymore. To face your fears took more courage than people ever gave you credit for. He’d faced a few demons himself, so he understood. Lily wasn’t just special; she was extraordinary.

“Then you’ll have it, Lily. I promise.”

“What about you, though?” she asked.

“Me?”

Lily grinned, her inner devil shining through, and Nikoli frowned. What was the minx up to?

“Well, you did say you wanted to improve people’s perception of you. If you plan on doing this, it means you can’t go out and have sex with whomever. If you want people to believe we’re dating, then you are going to have to conform to my standards.”

So the little minx had a devil in her after all. Two could play this game. He pushed her. He scooted until his thigh was pressed firmly against hers. She sucked in her breath. “As I told you earlier, Lily. I won’t need anyone else. I’ll have you.” Before she had time to respond, he leaned in and softly brushed his lips against hers. It was over and done before she could freak. He stood up and walked over to the row of window overlooking the Boston skyline. He needed to give her a moment and to get his own emotions under control.

Lily’s hand shook as she brought her fingers up to touch her lips. She couldn’t believe he’d done that! He’d told her he wouldn’t touch her this soon, and he’d gone and done it anyway.

“You said…”

“I did say.” He turned to face her. “My goal is to help you, Lily, make you comfortable with me, but I also want to touch you, very badly. It’s why I’m over here right now. I want to bend you over that couch and f*ck you so hard, you’ll feel me inside you for a week, but I’m controlling myself.”

Lily’s mouth formed a silent O. She hadn’t expected that. He was honest, if nothing else. “How can I trust you, though, if you can’t even keep your word for one day?”

“Lily, I promised we’d take it slow, get you comfortable with me, but part of that includes my sneak attacks. My lips feathered over yours, not even a touch really. I will do it again and again. Get used to it.”

She swallowed. He meant that. He was going to do it again. Her insides tightened, but not in fear. Her hands were shaking, yeah, but there was more than fear there—she felt excitement, anticipation. Why did his touch, even the promise of his touch, do this to her? No one, not even Adam, had ever made her feel like this. Maybe the manwhore really was that good. She laughed, thinking about what Janet would have to say on the matter.

“Something funny?” he asked, his voice low and rough.

Lily looked up and her laughter died. He looked hard, determined. Not the laughing man of before. He looked more like the dominant males she secretly loved to read about, and it made her mouth dry. Dear Lord, what was she getting into? She almost called it off right then and there, but forced the words back. If she didn’t take a chance, then she’d never know. This man—not the boy from before, but the man in front of her—could give her back her life. Instinct told her this, and she wasn’t going to give up the chance for normalcy.

Not that she’d tell him that, though. “I was just thinking about what everyone’s going to say when the manwhore goes straight. Do you think you can handle the ribbing?”

“Connoisseur of women, Lily, connoisseur of women.”

“If that gets you through the night,” she said, shrugging. “At least you’re not hooking on the corner…”

He spewed the water he’d just put into his mouth, and Lily laughed. Oh God, she was going to have to tell Janet about this one for sure.

“You are going to pay for that one, Milaya,” he promised. “I may spank you.”

“No, you won’t,” she said, laughing. “You just told me you don’t hurt women.”

“I never said it’d hurt, did I?” His eyes glittered with intent, and Lily’s own widened.

Her own doubts crowded back in, and she pushed them down. This man could be more dangerous to her than anyone else. He struck a chord in her, and it scared her, but she refused to be a coward anymore.