Touch Me Not (Manwhore, #1)(23)
She’d been quiet on the ride over, and he’d respected that. Whatever Adam had done earlier really messed her up. She was still shaking slightly. Nikoli let out a small sigh of relief when she hesitantly sat down on the opposite end of the couch as far away from him as she could get. He didn’t let it bother him. Trust would be learned, and he would learn a little bit of patience in return.
He tossed her a bottle of water. She twisted the cap off and took a sip, her tongue darting out to lick the drops from her lips. His nostrils flared at the sight, but he tamped his own desire down. He had to be careful not to scare her.
“You said you’d explain when we got here?” She looked everywhere but at him.
“This is my escape,” he told her. “It’s where I come to get away from everyone, where I come to…to share certain experiences with women who enjoy the same things I do.”
Her eyes flew up to his face, and he bit back a smile at the anger in her eyes. He knew what she was thinking. She had nothing to fear from him.
“Lily Bells, don’t overreact.” He tried to keep his voice soothing. “I told you I had certain tendencies, but none of them involve pain. I have never caused a woman physical pain, and I never will.”
“You just break their hearts.” Her voice was full of her own anger at his behavior. He was relieved. He’d take anger over hurt any day.
“I thought we agreed to disagree,” he said mildly. “Now, Lily Bells, what happened tonight? You were fine when I left you.”
She pulled her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her eyes took on a haunted look that made him want to hit something. “Adam came over to check…”
“To check what?” he prompted after a minute when she didn’t go on.
“You were right,” she said, her voice small and anguished. “He was jealous. He came over to check to see if you and I had…if we…”
“Had sex?” he offered. He could see how hard this was for her talk about. He needed to know what happened tonight, but more than that, he needed to know why she was afraid of anyone touching her.
She nodded. “I told him it wasn’t any of his business, and he got angry.”
“Did he hurt you?” Every muscle coiled at the thought of anyone touching her in anger.
“Not like you mean,” she whispered. “Adam would never hit me, but he did hurt me.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and as much as he wanted to reach over and wipe it away, he kept his hands tightly clenched. “He…he…Adam knows how hard it is for me to…” She closed her eyes briefly, and Nikoli felt his anger burn hotter. He knew what Adam had done. He’d done it deliberately out of anger.
“He used your fear to make you feel inadequate?” Nikoli clenched his fists. She nodded, and his frown deepened. Adam was supposed to be her friend. No matter how jealous the dickhead was, he should never have hurt her like that. “I’m sorry.”
She gave a humorless laugh. “He’s right, though. I’ve let it turn me into someone who isn’t capable of intimacy. I can’t give him what Sue can.”
“I told you I’d help you with that,” Nikoli reminded her, “but I have to understand why you’re so afraid. Did someone hurt you, Lily?”
“I wasn’t abused, molested, or raped as a kid if that’s what you’re thinking.” Her fingers twisted the end of the throw cushion she’d picked up. “It’s all in my head, according to every therapist and psychologist I’ve ever been to.”
Nikoli had expected a story of violence, given how she’d reacted when he’d grabbed her at lunch, so he was very surprised to hear that. “So, it just kind of developed on its own?”
“Do we have to talk about it right now?” Her voice was strained as her eyes fell away from his, but he’d caught the glimmer of shame in them.
“Yes, we have to talk about it right now.” he said, his voice firm. “I need to understand this if I am going to help you.”
Another hollow laugh erupted from her. “It’s not about helping me, and you know it. It’s about trying to get me naked.”
“That’s true.” He cracked a grin, despite the seriousness of the situation. “I won’t lie about it, but I do want to help you, Lily. I don’t know exactly why, but I do. And I can help you, more than anyone else, but you have to help me understand why you can’t bear for someone to touch you.”
She remained quiet for a long time, but Nikoli patiently waited. He couldn’t push her, not right now. He would eventually, but for now, she needed to do this, to trust him. It was hard for her. Her face said as much, but when she nodded, he relaxed.
“You know my dad died when I was twelve,” she began. “I started to act out after that. Gave my mom some serious trouble. I skipped school, started hanging out with the wrong people, and over the next three years, you name it, I did it. My sister, Laney, decided enough was enough. It was Friday night, and I snuck out of the house. Laney followed me and tried to stop me. She grabbed me, and I pushed her. When she fell, I went running across the street. There was a park across from us that cut straight through to the cemetery where I was meeting up with my friends. She got up to follow me. Our house was on a curve, one you couldn’t see around. The driver never saw her. He wasn’t even going very fast, but he drove right over her. She died from massive internal bleeding.”