Toe the Line(83)

His tone softened as he pulled me into an embrace. “Come here. I’m sorry.” He spoke into my neck. “I don’t mean to stress you out. I came to make sure you were okay. I know you ran into Andrea in the ladies’ room.”

I pulled back. “That did rattle me.”

“I had no idea she was coming to the States, but you know there’s nothing going on between me and her, right?”

“That certainly wasn’t what she was hoping.”

He drew in his brows. “I don’t care what she was hoping. You’re all I think about.”

“You are who you are, Archie. You said yourself you don’t have any plans to get married again. The reason I got upset tonight wasn’t because I thought something was going on between you and her, but because of my reaction. It told me I’m getting too emotionally attached to you when I shouldn’t be. I knew this would happen if we had sex.” Crossing my arms protectively, I added, “I mean, you’ve given me no indication that you want a future with me. Maybe this was the wake-up call I needed.”

Archie shut his eyes briefly, looking conflicted. But he remained silent, denying nothing. “I need to know what Jason said to you,” he said after a moment.

I pulled myself up taller. “He says he loves me. He wants me to give him a second chance. He wants to help me raise this child.” I paused, bracing for his reaction. “And if I’m not pregnant, he’s decided he wants to get a vasectomy reversal and—”

“What?” Archie practically screamed, his tone jarring. “You don’t believe that shit, do you?”

“You think it’s so unbelievable that he could love me?”

“God, Noelle.” He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant at all, and you know it.”

When I started to cry, a look of alarm crossed Archie’s face.

My lip trembled. “Archie, I’m just really confused and tired. We have a big day tomorrow, and I need to prepare myself.”

“Okay,” he whispered. “I know it’s late. I’m sorry.” He rubbed my shoulder. “Get some sleep. I’ll be here at eight in the morning to pick you up.”

I tossed and turned the entire night. I loved Archie, but I knew Jason had a much smaller chance of breaking my heart. And that counted for something.

? ? ?

My mood when Archie came to get me the next morning was worse than it had been the night before. Neither of us had much to say, and though Archie had picked up breakfast on the way to get me, I had no appetite.

I was no closer to clarity about this situation. There was no doubt my feelings for the man next to me were stronger than my feelings for Jason, but I couldn’t survive a rejection from Archie. I needed to walk away first. Offering to father my baby and actually being a life partner were two different things. He’d yet to express clear interest in the latter. There was something holding him back. And I wasn’t going to stick around to get hurt.

As my thoughts raced on the way to the doctor’s office, I convinced myself that if I wasn’t pregnant, it would be a sign to go back to New York and reassess. That didn’t mean I would never try to have a baby with Archie again, and it also didn’t mean I was going to run back to Jason. It just meant I needed time to evaluate my life.

Archie and I were immediately taken to the dreaded results room. Despite the tension between us, he held my hand tightly the entire time we waited. When the doctor walked in, I noticed the somber look on his face. He took a seat across from us. Then the words came.

“I’m so sorry to tell you that your test was negative.”

Archie let out a guttural sound as he lowered his head. My heart felt hollow.

“Have you discussed your next steps?” the doctor asked.

Archie turned to me, his eyes piercing as he awaited my response. He still hadn’t let go of my hand. We had tried everything this time. Yet we still couldn’t make it happen. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

“No,” I answered. “We had only committed to three IUI cycles. So we’re going to reassess.”

Dr. Burns typed something quickly on his laptop. “As I’ve mentioned before, many couples opt to try IVF at this point. I’m happy to go over any questions you might have about it.”

I sighed. “I’m well aware of that option and will consider it for the future. But I need to pause for now and do some research. If I want to set up another appointment, I’ll call you to do that.”

“I understand.” He smiled sympathetically. “This process can be mentally grueling, and it will certainly benefit you to take a step back and determine what you want with a clear mind.”

I nodded. “Thank you for all of your help, Doctor.”

He stood. “It’s been my pleasure. I look forward to working with you again.”

Left alone, I turned to Archie, who opened his arms to bring me into a hug. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay,” I whispered as I leaned against him. “We knew this could happen. The odds were still against us.”

“I know, but I wanted it more than anything, Noelle. I hope you know that.”

After he let me go, I said, “Archie, can we go somewhere and talk?”

His expression hardened as he nodded. “Of course.”