Toe the Line(69)

I stood. “Yeah. Talk to you then.”

After she exited the café, I sat back down at the table for a bit. The relief I’d experienced just moments ago was quickly waning. My issues with Jason went far deeper than not wanting her to sleep with him. I now knew I didn’t want her with him at all. I wanted her with me.

But I didn’t quite know what was best for her.





CHAPTER 25


NOELLE


THINGS HAD BEEN tense between Jason and me this past weekend. I’d explained to him why I thought it best that we not sleep together until I was back in New York. He wasn’t thrilled, but he seemed to at least try to understand why that could complicate things. What I’d neglected to mention was that Archie had anything to do with my request.

On Monday morning, we had an hour to go before Jason would drive his rental car back to the airport. We were having coffee together in the kitchen. It had been tricky to have private conversations here because Roz was always around. Thankfully she’d left this morning for an appointment.

Under the table, Jason reached his legs out to lock with mine. “I’ve missed you more than I anticipated. I came to California because I need you to know I’m still here, even if I’m across the continent.” Steam billowed from his mug as he took a sip. “It’s clear from the vibe Archie gave that he’s not comfortable around me. I have to wonder if there’s something to that.” He looked up at me. “You told me there was nothing more than friendship between you two, which, again, is the only reason I went for this. My understanding was that you’d get pregnant, come home, and our relationship would take up where it left off. I don’t think you’re lying to me, but I do think…” His eyes bore into mine. “If you truly believe what you said about him not having an ulterior motive, you might be blind to his feelings.”

The pastry I’d eaten turned in my stomach. I agreed that Archie’s reaction to Jason had been surprising, but he just wanted everything to go smoothly with our process, didn’t he? If Archie wanted more with me, certainly he’d tell me…

“Archie hasn’t indicated that he has feelings for me,” I told him.

“Noelle, how could anyone not have feelings for you? You’re gorgeous…kindhearted. You’re crazy if you think he doesn’t want you.”

My cheeks burned. “Well, if you sensed something from him, that’s news to me. My plans haven’t changed. He and I have obviously bonded through this experience. That’s unavoidable. But he’s still just my good friend. And I’m still coming back.”

“I hope so.” He stared down into his mug. “I like to think of myself as a strong person, you know? But this situation is testing me. I feel like I’m slowly losing you, but then again, I’m not sure I even deserve you. Time will tell if we can withstand this. I do hope you’re coming back to New York.”

The hormones must have been catching up with me because I was about to cry. I wanted to tell him we wouldn’t have been in this situation if he’d wanted a baby with me. I wanted to tell him that even if he was right about Archie, it wouldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t trust Archie with my heart like that. I’d been burned too many times in the past. I’d watched him marry someone else, for God’s sake. Quite frankly, I wasn’t sure I could trust either of them with my heart.

But instead of unleashing all that, my feelings stayed safely tucked inside. “You coming here to surprise me meant a lot.” I smiled.

“Even if my life gets hectic, you’re still my priority.” He reached across the table for my hand. “I want to come back again when I get home from the conference.”

Jason would be at a media conference in Europe for two weeks. I nodded, but anything could happen in two weeks. My entire life could change in that time.

? ? ?

Archie and I had just gotten back from killing time in the middle of our second IUI appointment. We’d eaten at the same diner as last time. We’d now unofficially dubbed it “IUI and Eggs.”

The stakes felt so much higher today.

When they called us into the insemination room, Archie seemed more nervous than I was, tapping his hand against his leg as he sat next to where I lay on the table.

A doctor I hadn’t met before entered the room.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Sears. Dr. Burns is on vacation, so I’ll be handling your procedure today.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said.

He looked down at a printout. “We have thirteen-point-five million motile sperm, which is a great number, even better than last time. Anything over nine million is a good result. The motility percentage is sixty, which is excellent. They’re moving well.”

Archie’s face lit up. It was quite adorable.

“You’ve got some Michael Phelps swimmers in there,” the doctor said with a wink. He held the tube of sperm out to Archie. “Just confirm this is you.”

“That’s me.” He looked over at me and laughed.

Archie watched intently as the doctor transferred the sperm into the catheter. I could only imagine how strange it must be to look at his own sperm being manipulated in such a way. He reached for my hand as I slipped my legs into the stirrups. Like last time, it was pretty quick and almost painless, aside from some brief discomfort.