Toe the Line(74)

“You know why. I don’t need to tell you again that I’ve always suspected she was more to you than a friend. Now that she’s in town and living at your mother’s house? There has to be something going on.”

Fuck. I had not been expecting this conversation and didn’t have an appropriate response. I’d vowed not to tell Mariah anything about what Noelle and I were doing. But at the same time, I didn’t want to lie. So I kept my response vague.

“Noelle is my friend. We’re not dating.”

Mariah shook her head. “When you finally admit she’s the one you’ve always wanted to be with, you can let me know, and I’ll say, ‘I told you so.’” She sighed. “But in any case, your friend was upset. You might want to check on her.”

My mind was racing. “Did she see you?”

“No. I decided not to bother with the grill right then. I didn’t want to have to talk to her. She and I haven’t spoken in years, and she wasn’t in a good place. I kept on driving and figured I’d pick it up another day.”

“You should’ve just picked it up.”

“Well, that didn’t seem appealing. You’re the one who’s made me feel uncomfortable around her because you always put her on a pedestal.”

“Are we really going over this again? How many times do I need to tell you she’s just a very good friend who I care about a lot? Nothing ever happened with her while you and I were together.”

Her eyes bulged. “Oh… So something did happen when we weren’t together?”

Boy, I really fucked myself with that wording. “I didn’t say that.”

“Yeah, you sort of did.”

This wasn’t any of her business anymore. “Okay, Mariah. Nice conversation, but I’m going to exit it at this point.”

“Whatever.” She laughed.

As I walked to my car, I wracked my brain to figure out who Noelle could have been talking to. Moreover, why the hell was she crying? She hadn’t seemed that upset when she shared the news about the negative test. And she’d been in decent spirits when she told me she was going to New York. But clearly, she was hiding something.





CHAPTER 27


NOELLE


JASON AND I stood at opposite ends of my apartment. He’d arrived looking morose, which told me he likely sensed what was coming.

I’d decided to come out to New York after a heated phone call where I admitted some of the things I resented about him. I’d been feeling hormonal and depressed after the negative test, and it all just came out. Then I’d felt guilty and realized I needed to have this conversation in person.

His head had been down, but he finally looked up at me. “You said you came home because we need to talk. I have to admit, I’ve been dreading it.”

I walked over and put my hand on his arm. “Jason, I know you care about me. You’ve demonstrated that in so many ways.” My breath trembled. “But I don’t think we’re the right long-term partners for each other. There’s so much I love about you, but we’re not at a place where we have the same priorities, want the same things. And that’s okay. It’s not your fault. You want to travel and not be tied down, and you’ve earned that. But once I have this baby—and I will have this baby—my life will change dramatically.”

Jason ground his teeth. “I think you have grossly underestimated my feelings for you, Noelle. If you think trips around the world mean more to me than you...” He shook his head. “I mean, you’re standing here telling me all the things you think I want. Have you even asked me, you know, how I actually feel?”

“How do you feel?”

“For one, I think you have some unresolved feelings for this man you’re purporting is nothing more than your sperm donor. More than anything, I think that’s what’s influencing this conversation, whether you realize it or not.” He looked into my eyes. “You’re not even denying it.”

I owed him honesty. “No, I’m not denying it. My feelings for Archie are complicated. But they are most certainly not what’s influencing this conversation. Aside from any feelings I might have for Archie, you and I are not compatible.”

“To be clear… You’re breaking up with me?” He stared at the ceiling. “You need to just say it and stop this torture.”

“I’m saying I need time to be alone and not have a boyfriend, yes. I’m reluctant to tell you I want to totally end things, because I care so much about you. I always will. But it’s not fair to string you along. Breaking up is the best thing for both of us right now. I need to focus a hundred percent on me and not worry about what I’m keeping someone else from doing in the process.”

He scrubbed his hand over his face. “Would things be different if I had offered to father your baby?”

I had to think about that. The Archie situation would’ve never come into play, so I suppose things might’ve been different. But that was a moot point now.

I shrugged. “I couldn’t help but read between the lines, Jason. Your decision to have me do this on my own spoke volumes about your commitment to me, whether you meant it to or not. But you have every right to feel the way you do. You’ve already raised your kids and owe me nothing.”