Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(183)

Evan’s voice disrupted the quiet. “Hey, everybody. We’re gonna take a breather. Until then…Griffin’s buying a round for everyone!”

Cheers broke out, as well as laughter. I didn’t care about either response from the bar, because I was finally beginning to accept the fact that the Kiera in front of me wasn’t a mirage, hallucination, or figment of my imagination. She really was here.

The crowd around Kiera started to thin out, but I stayed where I was on the stage. I felt safe up there. Jumping down to Kiera’s level…could kill me. Why is she here?

Kiera stepped forward, momentarily breaking her hold on me. Now that I was able to move, I looked away from her, out over the thinning crowds. I could turn around and leave the bar right now. But…what was she doing here? And why now, after all this time? I was just starting to…well, I wasn’t sure if I was feeling any better, but at least I wasn’t getting any worse. If I went down there and talked to her…what would happen to me? What would happen if I didn’t though? Nothing. Nothing would happen, and we would both continue on, and I would never really heal, never really let go. I’d just continue…getting by.

My decision made, I looked down, sniffed in a quick breath, then lowered myself to the floor. I had to at least know why she was here. Leaving without knowing would tear me apart.

I stepped as close to her as I dared. Our fingers touched and I inhaled a sharp breath; the fire was still there. Being near her was still as electrifying as it had always been. She had tears in her eyes and tears down her cheeks. Unable to resist, I reached up and stroked a bead of moisture away with my knuckle. Her skin was just as soft as I remembered.

Kiera closed her eyes and a sob escaped her. With her puffy, tired eyes, unruly hair, and worn expression, it was clear that she’d been battling the same depression as me; she was a wreck too. It gave me a small amount of comfort that she was. I wasn’t the only one having a hard time with this. How much of her sadness was for me though, and how much was for Denny? After all, she’d picked him in the end, and he’d left her too.

Cupping her cheek, I stepped into her until our bodies were touching. I hadn’t meant to, but somehow, my body shifted into autopilot around Kiera; being as close as possible was a subconscious action. Her hand came up to rest upon my chest, and I wondered if she could feel my pounding heart. I have missed you so much.

The dispersing crowd had started re-forming once I’d dropped down into the mix. Kiera was jostled by a couple of the more eager girls, and I put an arm around her. Thinking we needed to be somewhere a little more private, I started leading her away. One of the drunker fans rushed right up to me and grabbed my face like she was going to plant a big one on me. I didn’t let my fans molest me anymore, so, leaning back, I removed her hands from my skin. Then I shoved her away from me. I generally was a bit more polite when I disengaged from aggressive fans, but I was in the middle of something potentially life-changing here, and I wasn’t in the mood to be subtle.

Kiera looked up at me with shock clear on her face. I’d never done anything like that around her before. I did that for you, because I still love you, and honestly, I still want to be with you.

Kiera’s hand snaked out. For a second, I thought she was going to hit me, but her fingers closed around the wrist of the woman I’d just pushed. Kiera had just saved me from being smacked. That was new.

The fan’s face went from shocked to embarrassed, and she scuttled off without a comment. I laughed as I met eyes with Kiera. “No one gets to smack me but you?” I asked, feeling lighter than I had in a long time.

“Damn straight,” she said, smiling and blushing at the same time. I had to shake my head at her. She was still so damn adorable. Her expression changed as she watched me, and in a serious voice, she asked, “Can we go somewhere without so many…admirers?”

My good feelings hardened some as I grabbed her hand. Things weren’t back to normal here. It was still awkward and awful. There were still too many unanswered questions. I pulled her into the hallway leading to the restrooms. For a minute, I considered pulling her into the back room, but…I couldn’t. The memories were too thick in there. And besides, I didn’t want to be completely alone with her. I didn’t want to cave in to lust because she was next to me. I needed to be level-headed right now.

Kiera looked relieved when I stopped us well before the back room. Closing her eyes, she leaned against the wall. I guess she didn’t want to be alone with me either. Were her reasons the same as mine? Or was she just not interested in me like that anymore? No. I was positive that a part of her still wanted me. But a part of her wasn’t enough anymore. I wanted it all.

A flash of light around her neck caught my attention. When I recognized the guitar pendant I’d unceremoniously dumped into a box for her to find, my heart almost stopped. I hadn’t even been sure she would keep it, much less wear it. The silver necklace seemed to glow against her skin. The diamond in the center shimmered in the lights. It was stunning on her, and with shaking fingers, I reached out to touch it. The metal was cool, but her skin beneath it was so warm…“You’re wearing it. I didn’t think you would.”

She opened her eyes and stared up into mine. God, she has beautiful eyes. “Of course, Kellan.” She put her hand over mine; it warmed me from the inside out. “Of course,” she repeated.