Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(185)

Her answer was oddly calm, determined even. “It won’t…I won’t ever leave you. I’m done being apart from you. I’m done denying what we have. I’m done being scared.”

For the first time ever, I envied her for her courage. “I’m not, Kiera. I still need that minute…”

Her hand drifted to my stomach; her fingertips burned like fire. “Do you still love me?” she asked, hope in her eyes.

A sigh escaped me as I looked over her face. “You would never believe how much.”

She stepped closer and her hand ran up my chest. I closed my eyes as tendrils of electricity excited my flesh. Her fingers reached my heart, and I stopped them. Holding her hand over my tattoo, I whispered, “I never left you…I kept you with me, here.”

Almost like she knew what I’d done to my body, she pulled my shirt aside. I dropped my hand and let her see. Honesty was all we could do for each other now. The minute she spotted her name upon my skin, her mouth dropped open and her eyes watered. She began to trace the swirling letters with her finger, and my skin pricked with joyous pain wherever she touched me.

“Kellan…”

Her voice cracked on my name. I pulled her searing fingers away, but laced them with mine instead of dropping them completely. Holding our hands against my chest, I rested our heads together again. “So…yes, yes I do still love you. I never stopped. But…Kiera…”

“Have you been with anyone else?” she whispered.

Surprised, I pulled back to look at her. “No…I haven’t wanted…” There is no one else for me but you. Wondering if she’d been as faithful to a lost cause as I had been, I asked her, “Have you?”

Even though she was quick to answer, I thought I’d be sick waiting for it. “No. I just…I just want you.” Relief washed through me, cleansing me. “We’re meant to be, Kellan. We need each other,” she added in a whisper.

I know. I need you so much, Kiera. No one will do…but you.

Without considering what I was doing, I stepped into her. Her hand slipped around my waist, mine went to her hip. We pulled each other closer, like we couldn’t bear to be apart anymore. And I couldn’t. I felt like I’d been waiting for this my whole life, and I didn’t want to stop it…but…pain and doubt were still waging war within me.

We kept staring at each other’s mouths, and the tension between us was mounting. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I wet my lip, dragging my teeth over the tender skin, but it was Kiera I wanted to feel touching me.

I angled my head down to hers; we were just inches apart now, and her fast breath washed over my face. “Kiera, I thought I could leave you. I thought distance would make this go away, and it’d get easier, but it hasn’t.” I paused to shake my head. “Being apart from you is killing me. I feel lost without you.”

“I do too,” she murmured.

Our fingers separated. Kiera ran hers up my shoulder, mine trailed down her necklace again. “I’ve thought about you every day.” My fingers kept going, ghosting over her chest, her bra. “I’ve dreamt about you every night.” My fingers trailed along her ribs, hers tangled in my hair. It was intoxicating, and confusing. “But…I don’t know how to let you back in.”

I pulled back a little to take in her expression; all I saw looking back at me was confident love. I wished I felt the same. I wanted so much to just push all of my fears aside and say yes to whatever this might be, because holding her felt so right. But it had gone so horribly wrong before…I wouldn’t survive another heartbreak like that. She was so hard to resist though. My lips lowered to hover just above hers. “I don’t know how to keep you out either.”

That’s when I was shoved from behind. Someone laughed, but I couldn’t concentrate on it for long. That small push had closed the distance between Kiera’s lips and mine, and now that we were touching, all thought of walking away fled my mind. I simply…couldn’t.

We froze in shock for a few seconds, then we melted into a long-desired kiss. It felt different than before, guilt-free, careless, and about ten times as intense. I wasn’t sure if I was going to start letting out tears of joy, curl into a ball of misery, or throw her down on the ground and take her.

“Oh, God, I’ve missed…” I couldn’t even complete my thought. Our kiss heated, and still my stupid body tried to speak my conflicting emotions. “I can’t…” do this again. “I don’t…” want to be hurt again. “I want…” you. A deep groan escaped me, and Kiera matched the sound. “Oh, God…Kiera.”

Breath intense, I pulled back to grip her face. Her tears were streaming again, but her breath was just as quick as mine. I wanted her…so much. “You wreck me,” I growled before crashing my lips down to hers.

I pushed her into the wall as our eager kiss revved up my body. Her hands tangled into my hair. She wanted me, I wanted her, and this was really happening. Just as I was running my fingers along the amazing indentation along her lower back, contemplating how many steps away from the back room we were, Kiera gently pushed me away. Confused, I offered no resistance. Was she saying no again? I shouldn’t be surprised, this happened all the time, but yeah, I was. Hurt immediately started filling my body, freezing my chest with a bone-numbing ache.