Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(178)

Denny’s dark eyes were wide with surprise. I was clearly the last person he’d expected to see here. I noticed him clench Kiera’s hand tight, in an almost possessive way, before completely dropping it. Kiera didn’t belong to either of us.

Not sure what he would do, I stuck my hand out when he was standing in front of me. Would he accept my token of friendship, or completely reject me? I honestly had no idea. After a moment of careful consideration, Denny grasped my hand. I was shocked, and I felt like a small bridge had been put in place between us with that one gesture. Maybe there was hope for our friendship after all.

I couldn’t contain my happiness, and a brief smile lit my face. “Denny…man, I’m…” The joy faded as an apology faltered on my lips. I was so sick of saying “sorry.” That word wasn’t big enough for what I’d done.

Denny dropped my hand. “Yeah…I know, Kellan. That doesn’t mean we’re okay…but I know.”

His voice was tight, and I knew he was still upset, but he was being a bigger man. That was Denny. Always willing to turn the other cheek. “If you ever need anything…I’m…I’m here.” Even as I said the words, they sounded stupid to me. What could I possibly do for him? But I meant it, and I needed to say it.

Denny’s jaw tightened. Anger, jealousy, and sadness rushed over his face, all at the same time. With a sigh, he looked away from me. “You’ve done enough, Kellan.”

I couldn’t tell where his emotions had ended up, and his statement could be construed in a few different ways, but knowing what I knew about him, I chose to believe that he’d meant that in a positive way. That he was thanking me, in the only way he could, since saying the actual words would be too much of an absolution of my sins.

With emotion threatening to tighten my throat and cloud my eyes, I clapped Denny on the shoulder. “Take care…mate.” I wasn’t sure if that’s what I was to him anymore, but he would always be that to me. He would always have my friendship.

Surprising me again, Denny returned my gesture and my sentiment. His ability to forgive astounded me. “You too…mate.”

Feeling good about coming here and saying goodbye to Denny, I pulled him in for a quick hug, then swiftly turned and left. I didn’t want to cave and acknowledge Kiera. I didn’t want to open that wound, and I didn’t want to deviate from the point of this moment. Denny was the one I’d needed to talk to today. Kiera…well, I’d already said everything I needed to at the hospital. There was nothing left to say there. We were done.

Even still, I couldn’t stop myself from one last look at her before the crowd completely separated us. She was watching me too, and for a few brief seconds, our eyes locked. It had been a long time since I’d looked her directly in the eye. It made a surge of pain rip through me, like I was holding on to an electric fence. It made me feel weak, and I was certain I would fall to the floor any second. Or, more accurately, I was going to run over and scoop her into my arms. I couldn’t though, so even though my soul protested leaving, I turned away from her and let the crowd swallow me whole.

I stopped a ways down the hall and looked back. I could see Denny and Kiera through the breaks in the people. They were turned away from me. Denny had his arm around Kiera, and she had her head on his shoulder. Even from this distance, they seemed more like friends giving each other comfort than two people in love saying goodbye.

After a moment, Denny leaned down and gave her a kiss. It was clearly a goodbye kiss, probably the last one they would ever share. Feeling intrusive, I looked down. They should have their moment to end things without me looking on.

When curiosity compelled me to know what was happening, I looked up. Denny was gone, and Kiera was staring down a hallway. I had to assume that’s where he had disappeared to. He was finally gone, and Kiera looked like she might throw up or pass out. Maybe both. My feet were moving toward her before my brain even registered it. Without consciously meaning to be there, I was close beside her when her legs gave out.

I didn’t make it in time to completely catch her as she fell, but I at least saved her head from smacking into one of the seats bolted into the floor. Huddling close to her, I lowered her head to my knees and waited for her to come around. “Kiera?” I said, stroking her back and feeling her flushed face.

She lifted her head slowly, like it was suddenly much heavier than normal. There were still traces of a yellowing bruise near her eye, but it was almost gone, and she was nearly perfect again. No…even with the bruise, she was perfect; always had been, always would be.

We stared at each other in silence for a moment, then she sat up and tossed her arms around my neck. Straddling my knees, she gripped me tight with everything she had. For a brief moment happiness filled me, but then I remembered our distance, remembered that we were through, and the joy turned to acid. I stiffened with the intensity of the pain burning through me…then I relaxed and held her back. I could push the agony away for a moment and enjoy the feel of her in my arms again. Just for a minute.

Rocking us back and forth, I murmured that everything was going to be okay. Kiera cried in my arms while I tenderly rubbed her back and kissed her hair. She was still hiccupping and struggling for breath, but the tears had stopped when I pulled away. Wanting to hold her tighter, I instead pushed her away. It felt wrong to do it, but it was time to end this. Kiera clutched me, not wanting to let me go. It took a lot of willpower, but I eventually released myself from her grasp and stood up.