Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(156)

She reopened her eyes, and they looked very apologetic. The hollow in my stomach slowly filled with fire. She hadn’t made a decision yet, but she was stringing Denny along with empty promises. If she didn’t follow through, he was going to be doubly crushed. I could understand being backed into a corner, but she shouldn’t have done that.

“So you told him you would leave the country with him? Kiera, God! Can’t you ever stop and think before you just spit things out!” I pinched my nose, trying to ease the headache I felt coming. She’d just made this so much harder than it needed to be.

“I know it was stupid, but in the moment, it seemed like the right thing to say.” Her voice was small, like she truly did realize her mistake.

Hating all of this, I sarcastically tossed out, “God, Kiera…did you agree to marry him too?” Wouldn’t that just be the topper on the cake?

I waited for her to huff out an “Of course not,” but she didn’t say it. She didn’t say anything. Her silence bounced around the room like the roar of a jet engine. “Did he…did he ask you?”

“I didn’t say yes,” she immediately whispered.

I instantly caught the problem in the way she’d worded that. “But you didn’t say no.” My hand dropped from my face, like all the strength had been sapped from it. The brief fire I’d felt was blown out in a puff of icy wind billowing through my chest. She hadn’t immediately said no…she was thinking about saying yes.

“He never really asked. He just said that when we were there…we could…like, eventually, years from now…” She was clearly at a loss as to how to save me from this pain. She couldn’t.

“Are you…considering it?”

She stepped toward me. “I need time, Kellan.”

Again, her answer was not a denial. She was thinking about it. She was still thinking about a life with him, a future with him, children with him…

My next words slipped out before I could stop them. “Did you sleep with him?”

Kiera looked horrified as she froze in place. “Kellan…don’t ask that.”

I felt an imaginary knife plunging deep and exploding out my back. “Don’t ask” meant “Yes, I did.” Fuck. Me. She slept with him. The rage built inside me so fast, the room began to haze in my vision. I turned away; I couldn’t look at her anymore. “So, until you decide, how exactly does this work? Should Denny and I draw up a schedule?” When I returned my eyes to her, all common sense had fled from me. Only the anger in my stomach kept me standing. “Do I get you during the week, and he gets weekends, or should we just do the week-on, week-off thing?” Wishing I could stop my mouth, I heard myself spit out, “Or how about we all f*ck together? Would you prefer that?”

Calmer than I would have been, Kiera walked over and put her hand on my cheek. “Kellan…filter.”

I blinked as the anger in my body dissipated. I’d hoped she wouldn’t sleep with him…but he was her boyfriend, what did I expect? I was the outcast, the usurper, the third wheel. I was the bad guy here, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t put all of my anger on her. I gave her a small, embarrassed smile. “Right…sorry. I’m just…I’m not okay with this, Kiera.” If there is no hope, cut me loose. Please.

A tear fell onto her cheek as she kissed me. “I’m not either, Kellan. I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want to feel guilty. I don’t want to lie. I don’t want to hurt people. I just don’t know how to choose.”

She doesn’t know which one of us she wants…There’s still hope for us. I stared at her for long seconds as that thought sank into my brain. “Can I plead my case?” I whispered. Grabbing her head, I pulled her in for a deep Choose me kiss.

As we sought comfort in each other’s embrace, a light knock sounded on the door. Wanting whoever it was to go away, I ignored it. “Guys? It’s me…Jenny.” Kiera and I both continued ignoring her; whatever she wanted could wait. Kiera and I didn’t have much time together, and she tasted so good…

Jenny wasn’t one to be ignored for long, so she opened the door and came inside. Since she knew everything anyway, Kiera and I kept right on kissing. “Uh…Kiera, sorry, but you wanted me to find you?”

Kiera nodded and I smiled, but we didn’t stop kissing. I never wanted to stop kissing her. Jenny, sounding a little irritated, told us, “Uh, okay…can you guys stop doing that?”

My reply was instant. “No,” I muttered around Kiera’s lips. Whatever she wanted, she could tell us while we kissed. And if it made her uncomfortable, she didn’t have to watch.

While Kiera laughed in my mouth, Jenny sighed and said, “Okay, then. Well, two things actually. One, Kellan, you’re up.”

I gave her a thumbs-up, which made Kiera laugh again. I took the opportunity to stroke the roof of her mouth with my tongue. If I had more time, I would have stroked a lot more of her with my tongue…

Jenny sighed again. “Second, Denny talked to Griffin.”

That got my attention. Fucking Griffin.

The moment over, Kiera and I broke apart. Looking over at Jenny, we simultaneously said, “What?”

Jenny’s expression was sullen as she shrugged. “I tried to sideline Griffin, but Denny was talking about you having a hard time leaving your family.” She paused to give Kiera a withering look. “Denny casually mentioned Anna, so, naturally, Griffin told him every gory detail of their time together while she was here.” She cringed. Jenny had heard those details before. We all had. Except Kiera…and Denny. “Denny, of course, brought up Kellan and Anna, and the fight between you and Kellan in the bar. Griffin got all bent out of shape. He vehemently denied that Kellan had ever slept with her. That he actually took Anna out from under Kellan, and that…” She looked over at me, and seemed reluctant to finish her thought. “…Kellan was a prick for trying to…and I’m quoting here…‘nab his score.’” She cringed again, then looked over at Kiera. “I’m sorry, Kiera…but Denny knows that you lied.”