Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(152)
“Ah, you’re killing me, Kiera.” Pulling her hand away, I let out an amused laugh. At least her little stunt had replaced some of my guilt with humor. My chest felt a little looser when I clarified my comment. “That’s not what I meant. I can…obviously, but I don’t think we should.”
Her expression both confused and hurt, she said, “But, this afternoon? That was…Didn’t you…? I…Don’t you want me?”
Shocked that she’d take my rejection personally when it was so obvious I wanted her, I immediately responded with “Of course, of course I do.” I looked down at my body, which was hard as a rock in all the right spots, then back up at her. “You should know that.” Her reciprocating smile was beautifully shy. Wanting her to know what it had meant to me, I told her, “This afternoon was the most…I’ve never had anything like that. I didn’t even know it could be like that, which, for me, is saying a lot.” I gave her a sheepish grin, and she smiled wider in return.
“Don’t you want that again?” she asked, stroking my cheek.
My words echoed what was running through my mind and my heart. “More than anything.” On this one point, all of me agreed.
“Then take me,” she murmured, kissing me again.
I groaned as her body pressed against me. Yes…but we shouldn’t do this. “God, Kiera. Why do you make everything so…?” Wonderful. Painful.
Kiera’s answer was more playful than mine. “Hard?” she whispered before averting her eyes. I had to laugh at how like me she was becoming. Her face more serious, she returned her eyes to mine. “I love you, Kellan. I feel like time is slipping away from us. I don’t want to miss a minute.”
That was exactly how I’d been feeling. This could be our last time together, right now, and what would I regret more? Betraying Denny, yet again, or…missing out on making love to her one last time? Put in those terms, the answer was easy. I didn’t want to miss a minute with her either. I didn’t want to regret any moment with her that I’d wasted. She was mine, and as long as she was mine, I wanted to enjoy her. Because in the morning, this could all be over with.
I sighed in defeat, and she smiled in victory. “For the record, this is a really bad idea…” With a soft kiss, I rolled her to her back. “You will be the death of me,” I whispered as she finally removed my shorts.
Our bodies slid together when I was free of my clothing. We clutched at each other’s skin, quietly screaming our passion in fierce squeezes that I was sure were going to leave bruises. Soundlessly, I pushed my way inside her. It was so deliberately controlled that I almost couldn’t breathe. Then we were one, and I had to clamp my mouth over hers to remain quiet. She felt…incredible.
Neither one of us wanted to make noise, so our movements were slow, restrained strokes that amplified every sensation. If I could, I would have cried out her name and begged for more. I would have plunged into her harder and faster, driving us both over the edge instead of teasingly skirting around it. All I could do was clamp her hand tight in mine and lose myself to the overwhelming sensations rippling through my body. The pleasure was indescribable torture.
It went on for an eternity; I was shaking with the need to release. Even though I was maintaining the slowness, I finally felt the build approaching. Kiera’s was approaching too. She started moaning. It was too loud, and I clamped my hand over her mouth. She dropped her head back, tightened her legs around mine, and sank her nails into my shoulders. I could feel her walls clenching around me, and I hit the wall too. I clamped my mouth onto her shoulder as waves and waves of pleasure overtook me. It was so intense…more so, because of our restraint. I never wanted it to stop.
When it inevitably did, Kiera and I stayed close together, side by side. No words passed between us, just soft kisses and gentle strokes. I wanted nothing more than to fall asleep with her in my arms this way, but I knew that couldn’t happen. The tick of time was loud in my mind.
“You should go back to your room,” I whispered.
“No,” she said, unflinchingly.
I was heartened by her refusal to leave, but guilt was bearing down on me. We couldn’t be caught like this. I couldn’t do that to Denny. “It’s nearly morning, Kiera.”
She glanced at my clock, startled when she realized the time, then clutched me tighter. Her stubbornness made me smile, but it was time for her to go. I kissed her head. “Wait in bed an hour, then come downstairs and have coffee with me, like we always used to.”
I gave her another soft kiss, then pushed her away. I’d rather be pulling her close, but she needed to go. Denny couldn’t see this. It would kill him. Her clothes were at the end of my bed, almost on the verge of falling off. I handed them to her and she pouted. Shaking my head, I started dressing her. Stubborn woman. When she was dressed, I sat her up, then helped her stand. “Kiera…You have to go…before it’s too late. We got lucky—don’t push it.”
I kissed her nose while she gave me a reluctant sigh. “Okay, fine. I’ll see you in an hour then.”
Her eyes scanned my naked body and she sighed again, wistfully this time. Then a strange expression crossed her face as she began to leave. It was a mixture of sadness, confusion, and self-loathing. She knew what we’d done wasn’t right, and she felt just as bad about it as I did. We were on this slippery slope together, trying to keep each other upright, or, more truthfully, dragging each other down.