Thoughtful (Thoughtless, #1.5)(117)
When I had one more button left to go on her jeans, she grabbed my wrists and jerked my hands up and over her head, holding them tight. Our body parts lined up again, and a throb went through me. I was so close to what I needed that it was painful. Tease.
“Stop it, Kiera!” I snapped. I was aggravated, turned on, and now, in a little bit of pain; I needed to come, badly. “I need you. Let me do this. I can make you forget him.” Desperate, I added, “I can make you forget you.”
She shivered beneath me; she knew I was right. What we were going to experience right now was going to be more powerful than anything either of us had ever felt before. I knew that for a fact. And I needed it to happen, now, before I spontaneously combusted. I easily pulled a hand free from her grasp, stroking her body on the way back to her jeans. She responded everywhere I touched her. See, Kiera, you know I’m right. “God, I want inside you.”
“Stop it, Kellan!”
Irritated that she was still refusing this, I paused with my lips on her neck. “Why? It’s what you want, what you beg for!” She couldn’t deny that, not after all the times she’d said please. To prove my point, I shoved my hands into her jeans, over her underwear. She was going to say it first. She was going to beg me. Then both of us could stop this frustrating game.
Even though I wasn’t directly touching her, she fell apart underneath me. The wanton cry she let out amplified the pleasure and pain I was feeling. She grabbed my neck and pulled my face to hers. I groaned with need. I couldn’t do this much longer. I needed to be thrusting inside her. I needed release. I needed to hear her scream. I needed to feel her coming. But I needed to hear her say that she wanted me first.
But still she refused. “No…I don’t want you to.” My finger traced the edge of her underwear and her sentence fractured in two. She was still lying. She did want me. She was soaked with her desire for me. One small slip of my finger and I could feel it. A few tugs on her jeans and I could taste it. Oh God, I wanted to taste her…
Banishing that image from my mind, I struggled to stay in control. I needed her to say it. Give me permission, Kiera. But she still fought me; her hand released my neck to feebly attempt to dislodge my probing fingers. I was stronger though, and her heart really wasn’t in it.
“I can feel how much you do want me to, Kiera.” My voice sounded strained to me, but then again, everything about me was straining right now. I couldn’t handle the intensity, the ache, the throbbing. I needed this to end. A tight, pain-filled groan escaped me. “I want you…now. I can’t take any more,” I panted. I felt like I would lose my mind if I didn’t plunge inside her soon. I ripped my other hand free from her grasp and started tugging on her wet denims. “God, Kiera, I need this.”
I was seconds away from begging her to take me when she blurted out, “Wait! Kellan…stop! I…I need a minute. Please…I just need a minute.”
My hands froze as I stared at her. Did she seriously just say that to me? Our “safe word,” so to speak. As if she was reading my mind, she repeated herself, “I need a minute.”
Well, f*ck.
I couldn’t move while I processed what the f*ck had just happened. She panted underneath me while I stared her down. She’d done it to me again. She’d riled me up to the breaking point, then told me no. And, unless I was going to keep going with this and force her to relent to me, to us, I had no choice but to let her go. Shit.
“Shit!”
She flinched at my unexpected exclamation. I sat up, raking my hands through my hair while I tried to calm down. It wasn’t working. Every second I glared at her sprawled across my seat made me even more ticked off. What the f*ck was she trying to do to me?
“Shit!” I snapped, smacking the door behind me as hard as I could.
She sat up nervously, refastening her jeans. Goddamn, we’d been so close. She wanted me, I knew she did. Why was she constantly tormenting me with something I couldn’t have? Because she was a f*cking bitch. A teasing whore…that was why. “You…are…”
I shut my mouth before my temper could get the best of me. She wasn’t a bitch. She wasn’t a whore. She was in love with another man, a man I cared about. I couldn’t forget that. But, f*cking hell, this hurt. The heated air in the car became stagnant, foul with pain, tension, betrayal. I couldn’t breathe. I needed out of this goddamn f*cking car.
Opening the car door, I immediately stepped outside. The icy rain was a balm, but it didn’t squelch my anger. I could almost feel the drops sizzling on my infuriated skin. I redirected my ire to my car’s tire. I would need a stronger outlet, or I was going to turn my tongue on her. Bitch.
I kicked the tire as hard as I could. “Fuck!” It relieved some of the pent-up tension, so I did it again. “Shit! Motherf*cking piece of f*ck shit! God f*cking damn it to f*cking hell shit!” I knew Kiera was watching my nonsensical ranting, but I was too far gone to care. Fuck my f*cking life. Walking away from the car, I clenched my fists and screamed my rage and frustration into the empty street. “FUUUUCK!!”
Fuck, I was yelling obscenities on the street corner like some f*cking drama queen. I needed to calm the f*ck down. I raked my fingers through my hair again, resisting the urge to pull chunks of it out of my scalp. Tilting my head up to the sky, I tried redirecting my focus. Only think about the raindrops. Only listen to the sound of the rain pelting the earth. Only feel the chill. Don’t think about her. Don’t think about her lips. Don’t think about her body. Her smile. Her laugh. Her eyes…the way she looks at you. The way she looks at him. Fuck.