These Twisted Bonds (These Hollow Vows, #2)(117)

“You’re angry with me.” I frown. “You understand that this isn’t my choice. I wasn’t looking for an excuse to stay bonded to Sebastian, so it’s not fair that you’re—”

Standing, he spins on me. “You still don’t get it, do you? The only reason I’m angry with you is because you risked your own damn life to save mine. You should’ve gone through that original portal and left me behind, just like you should’ve used your powers when you were ambushed in the forest.

You could’ve been captured by the queen or stuck in the Underworld because you’re busy protecting me. ”

“How can you say that when you did the exact the same thing for me? When my leg was injured, you refused to leave me behind.”

“You have something to offer this world. You have a purpose, and this court needs you. I’m just —”

“Just the one I love. I need you, Finn. And so does this court. That’s true even if you never sit on the throne.” I drop my arms to my sides. “I won’t let you give up just because we don’t like the solution she gave us.”

“I more than don’t like it, Abriella. I didn’t like that he kissed you in the dining room. I don’t like the way he touches you any chance he gets. But watching you spend your life at his side is different. It will destroy me, and that has nothing to do with the fucking throne.”

“I wouldn’t really be with him. We’d be bonded and ruling side by side, but it wouldn’t change how I feel about you. ”

“And where do I fit into this picture? Am I your lover? Your consort? Does Sebastian learn to deal with having intimate knowledge of exactly how I make you feel when you come to my bed? And what about when it’s time to make an heir? Would you like me to be your stud for that—or will Sebastian get the honor?”

My stomach contracts, as if he just punched me there. “You’re not being fair.”

He curses. “I know I’m not. And I know none of this is your fault.” He tips his face up to the towering trees overhead, and dappled shade darkens his beautiful face. “After Vexius passed, I never understood why Pretha didn’t return to Castle Craige—why she’d choose to be miserable and alone rather than becoming a mistress to the woman she loves.” His throat bobs as he swallows. “I get it now.”

He’s breaking my heart. “Tell me how I can make it better.”

He closes his eyes. “Abriella, I am your tethered, and you are my queen. I will do whatever I need to do to protect you. To serve you. But I can’t be your lover while you go on to make a life with him. I can’t take these pieces of you when I know he will have your bond until the day you die.”

I reach out and touch his arm. I hate this. When Lark told me I could be queen, I told her I didn’t want to have so much when other people went without.

I guess this is perfect then. Because you’ll lose everything.

After I woke up from my transformation and found that Sebastian had betrayed me, I thought I’d already lost everything. I was so wrong.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I don’t know what else to say.”

He lifts his head, and the unshed tears in his silver eyes cut through me. “There’s nothing more to say.”

When Sebastian appears with a goblin, Finn and I are staring at each other.

Sebastian sniffs, and his eyes narrow, jaw ticking. He knows we were together.

I can’t begin to worry about that right now. For the first time since I met Finn, I’m grateful to step away from the shadow prince and give Sebastian my hand.

Moments later, we’re back at the Unseelie palace. Pretha and Kane rush to our sides, and questions come at us from every direction.

“Are you okay?” “What did she say?” “Is there a solution?” “What happened to the portal?”

“You’re well,” I say, managing a smile as I look Kane over.

“Yes. Good as new.” He looks me over and then his prince.

I desperately cling to this little piece of good news. I need it after all we learned today. But then I see Pretha’s face, and any positivity leaks out of me. “Lark?” I ask softly.

“She hasn’t woken in two days,” she whispers, though she didn’t need to say anything at all. I see the truth in her tired eyes, in her haggard face.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

“Tell me you learned something,” she says, pulling back her shoulders and lifting her chin in a way I imagine she’s done hundreds of times. “Tell me we have a plan.”

“We do.” I gently squeeze her hand.

“What happened?” Kane asks. “What did you learn? Can we fix the throne?”

Finn gives a curt nod and avoids my gaze. “There’s a way. Abriella needs a hot bath and some food, and then she’ll need to talk to Sebastian before we reconvene.”

Kane huffs. “That’s it? That’s all I get?”

Pretha looks back and forth between us, her face tight with worry.

“I’ll be in my room if you need me,” Finn says, and then he disappears.

I don’t let myself stare at the space he just vacated. I don’t let myself think about the loneliness that fills my chest in his absence.