These Twisted Bonds (These Hollow Vows, #2)(121)

Finn flinches. “You can go in my stead, Kane. It will be easier for everyone that way.” He stands, and his eyes flick to me for just a beat before settling back on the floor.

The fist around my aching heart blocks the air from my lungs, and I feel light-headed.

“Riaan will accompany us as well,” Sebastian says. “He knows the Golden Military better than anyone else here and has helped the Unseelie forces defend the Goblin Mountains against them. He’ll be able to help us avoid their units on the trek to the river.”

“Good,” Finn says. He takes a step toward the door before stopping suddenly and turning to me.

Our eyes meet, and my aching heart stumbles as I remember what it was like to lie in his arms in the cave, how happy I felt, how hopeful as we discussed the future. “Be safe, My Queen,” he says softly.

“And be well. I’ll be gone before you return.”

He walks away before I can reply, taking that fist around my heart with him. I thought it would be a relief, but no matter how many greedy breaths I gulp down, I’m still hollow.



I can’t sleep. Can’t settle my mind enough to try.

I wander the dark hallways aimlessly and find myself at Finn’s door. I can’t leave without seeing him one more time, so I step inside, even knowing he might demand that I leave.

He’s lying on the bed, staring up at the starry night sky.

I don’t ask permission. I just crawl into the bed beside him, letting myself be close one last time.

“Are you okay?” he asks without looking at me. His voice is gravelly.

“Not really,” I whisper. “But I wanted to say I’m sorry. For all of this. I hate that I’m hurting you.”

I feel his long exhale before he rolls away in one sudden movement, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to sit.

He cradles his head in his hands. “I’m not sorry,” he says, peeking back at me. “Not for loving you, even when I know seeing you with him is going to tear me apart. You are the queen my people deserve, the blessing Mab promised us. I just want . . .”

“What?” I reach for him and skim my fingers along his spine. It feels so good to touch him, and he shivers beneath my caress. “Anything.”

“I think you should consider having a priestess wipe me from your memories.”

I yank my hand back as if he’s burned me. “Why? Why would you ask me that?”

He presses his palms against his eyes. “Because I want you be happy. I don’t want to be the reason that you don’t have a good life. You loved him once.”

“But I didn’t. Not in any way that counts.”

He braces his hands on his knees and swallows hard. “Part of you still cares for him. If you could love him, if he could make you happy, I don’t want a single thought about me to keep you from it.”

“Finn, I can’t,” I breathe, shaking my head. “Do you regret it that much?”

“No.” He turns his body toward me and smiles, even as tears run down his cheeks. “Loving you, feeling the gift of your love—it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Regretting that just because you won’t be mine anymore would be . . . That would be like regretting a glimpse of the stars before being plunged into eternal darkness.”

My heart squeezes hard around the knife he’s plunged into its center. “Then don’t ask me to love someone else the way I love you. And don’t you dare ask me to forget you.” I scoot toward him on the bed and wipe away his tears. “I’d choose to love you even if I’d known what was coming. I’d choose to love you through the pain of knowing I can’t have you. I will choose to love you still tomorrow. I could sooner choose to stop breathing than stop loving you.”

He turns his head and presses his lips into my palm. “Thank you,” he whispers. “I don’t deserve that.”

“You do. But that’s where my choices end, isn’t it?”

He shakes his head, and a tear rolls down his cheek. “That’s why Mab chose you,” he murmurs.

“Because she knew you would carry pain of your own before letting innocents suffer. I would hate her for it if it wasn’t exactly what my people needed.”

I swing my legs around and off the side of the bed to sit next to him. He wraps one arm around me and we lean our heads together. “In a different world, in a different life, we’d be together,” I whisper.

“No kingdoms to rule, no people to save, just you and me and a simple life loving each other.”

“But we’re in this world. In this life.” He presses a kiss to the top of my head, and it feels like goodbye. “So I’ll have to save that for my dreams.”



The numbness I feel as Sebastian and I hike through the mountains has nothing to do with the cool air or the setting sun. This is how it feels to sacrifice your heart for something bigger. It feels like abandoning it, locking it away in an attic, where you hope it might be safe but where it’s disconnected from your life.

I keep catching Sebastian’s inquisitive gaze on me as we walk, but I don’t have the energy to ask him why. I can only focus on the task at hand—putting one foot in front of the other and knowing that each step is a step closer to a future without Finn. A future with my heart locked away and my duty taking charge.