These Twisted Bonds (These Hollow Vows, #2)(119)

“Of course I will. These people . . .” Images flash through my mind—Finn and his crew and all they did during the years of the curse, the people at the Unseelie settlement in Misha’s territory, the sleeping children, and the friendly faces in Staraelia. “I was bigoted and wrong. These people have suffered too much. A leader who will protect them is the least they deserve.”

“I would’ve done anything to prove myself,” he says. “Anything to get you back. And now that I finally get you, now that our future is sealed, you’re in love with another male.”

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with him.” I swallow hard. This hurts too much. My heart’s being pummeled from every direction. “But this is bigger than you or me.”

“What you feel for him—it’s because you’re tethered. Generations of Mab’s line felt an undeniable draw to their tethered match. It’s not your fault you have these feelings.”

My connection with Finn may have started that way, but the love I feel for him is more than that.

But does it matter anymore? Would the truth do anything but hurt Sebastian?

“If I agree, does that mean you’re going to give me a chance?” he asks. “Give us a chance? Or do you intend to keep sleeping with my brother?”

I flinch at the accusation in his voice. He didn’t say the words cheater, adulteress, but he might as well have.

“You think I didn’t know what he planned to do once he got you to the Silent Ridge?” He huffs out a dry laugh and shakes his head. “You think I couldn’t smell you all over each other when I arrived in the mountains to bring you home?”

I open my mouth to apologize and snap it shut again. I got one beautiful, perfect night. I’m giving up so much. I won’t regret that night on top of everything else. “I don’t know what will happen between me and Finn,” I finally say. “But this plan isn’t one where you and I marry and fall in love again.”

He takes a step back, and his expression goes blank.

“I don’t want him here,” he says. “I can’t rule by your side if he’s around—if I have to feel you . .

. longing for him.”

“He is my tethered match and can provide me power when I need it. He can protect me in that way.”

“You can funnel his power from afar. I will protect you from your side,” he barks. “I am your bonded partner. If we are to spend our lives together, ruling side by side, you can give me this at least. I don’t want him in the palace, and I don’t want him in your life as anything more than your faithful servant.”

“So you’ll exile him? Like Mordeus did?”

“I’m not banishing him from these lands, I just . . .”

I hang my head and focus on my breathing as his pain tears through me. I let it. For once, I don’t block him out. I need to feel this. I need to understand just what this solution will cost him.

Otherwise, my own pain—my own anger and selfish desires—will break me.

Given Finn’s initial reaction this afternoon, I don’t think he’ll remain in the palace, regardless of what Sebastian demands. He likely won’t even want to stay in the capital. I can’t blame him. I can’t blame either of them. And I don’t blame myself for the anger I feel toward everyone who brought us to this point.

If Oberon had never seduced Arya as a way to weaken the Seelie Court.

If the queen had never sent those sprites to burn down my childhood home.

If my aunt had never tricked Jas and me into that exploitative contract.

If Sebastian had never tricked me into bonding with him.

My resentment is a prowling shadow of destruction itching to be released on the world, and I shove it down. Down, down, down and away, where its darkness can’t sway me.

When I lift my head, Sebastian’s watching me, and the longing is so stark on his face that I don’t need this bond to know how much losing me is killing him. “Okay,” I say softly. “Finn won’t stay in the palace. I won’t have a relationship with him. He’s not thrilled about this either, Bash. It’s not like he was hoping to be my lover while you and I ruled together.”

His face crumbles, and he presses his hand to my chest. “You never loved me like this. Not with this much of your heart. How did he do it? What made you choose him?”

My eyes burn, and I step back, letting his hand fall between us. “I’m not choosing anyone. I don’t get that luxury. I’m choosing the future of the court.”

Sebastian’s jaw ticks. “Fine. Let’s get this done.”

I hold his gaze for a long time before I realize that I’m hoping for a fight, hoping he’ll refuse altogether.

Hoping he gives me an excuse to get out of this.

I close my eyes and focus on the little tunnel of connection between myself and the Wild Fae king.

Where is everyone? I ask Misha in my mind.

We’re in the briefing room, trying to determine if Juliana is a traitor. Find us when you’re ready.





Chapter Twenty-Eight

Magic hums in the air when I enter the briefing room. Juliana is in the corner, but judging from the way her feet are just off the ground and her arms are glued to her sides, she’s not there of her own volition.