The True Cowboy of Sunset Ridge (Gold Valley #14)(90)

And she knew then, that there was never going to be a guarantee. And she also knew that it was about making a choice. A choice to live, no matter what. Because she had seen in obvious terms what it looks like when someone didn’t—Griffin—and his retreat into the mountains. Those years of separation.

But she was no different. She had been around her parents, yes, but she had held herself separate, using the barrier of a boyfriend she knew they didn’t like to go ahead and keep their disapproval where she could see it. Manage it. At acceptable levels. She had also used him to keep herself from being in a relationship she cared too much about. To keep herself frozen in a particular space that didn’t require any more healing than she was ready to do.

Now she needed to decide if she was going to live. Really live. Push back her fear of not being enough. Push past her grief.

“I want to do that. I want to live. I really do. How do I do that?”

“I think you start by saying yes. To the scary things. The new things. The next thing,” her dad said.

Mallory bit her lip and blinked hard, trying to keep tears from falling. “I think I’m in love,” she said. “Really in love. Not like I pretended to be with Jared. I was pretending for myself, so that I could... Keep on hiding. But he doesn’t want that version of me. That one that just takes care of everyone and doesn’t actually share anything, the one who feels a lot of sad, messy things. And it scared me. It really did. I knew I needed to... I knew I needed to do this before I could ever say yes to him. I knew I needed to be honest with you.”

“He’ll be lucky to have you,” her dad said. “Truly.”

“I hope so. Because I know I’m lucky to have him.”

She’d been on a quest to find herself. And she said all that stuff to Colt about being happy by herself, but of course she thought she could be happy by herself. It wouldn’t challenge her. It wasn’t about that. It was about feeling worthy of being with another person. Of being loved by another person. Of being needed—not as a piggy bank—but as an emotional partner. And the only way she could feel that was if she decided that she was worth it.

And if she decided that her heart, her soul, was worth it, no matter what anyone else thought.

She had to decide. No one else could do it for her. Least of all her parents.

“What’s this guy like?” her mom asked, slowly.

“Oh well...” A smile touched her lips. “He’s a cowboy.”



CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE


COLT HAD AVOIDED Sunday dinner. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see his family, but he was too raw from everything that had happened with Mallory.

He would’ve said that he didn’t have the capacity to be hurt. But he did. This was heartbreak. For sure and for certain. It had been three days since he’d sent her away. Since he’d seen her. He felt guilty, like he shouldn’t have kicked her out. But then anger would kick through him, and he would go back to feeling like it was completely reasonable to not want the woman who’d rejected him to live on his property. It was an interesting thing. Because he had never been in love before. So, he’d kind of imagined that he would be one of those people who would be just fine with an ex, making her a friend.

But no. He wasn’t. He wouldn’t. Couldn’t. He was too damned hurt.

But his feelings for her weren’t gone. He loved her still, as sure as anything. There was a knock on his door, and his heart did something strange. Kicked up into his throat and pushed itself out. He went downstairs, his heart thundering like a son of a bitch, and opened the door. It was Jake and Callie.

“What are you doing here?”

“Came to see you. Iris and Griffin told me what happened.”

“Damn. Of course they did. You know, from the beginning, she was way too up in my business.”

“Yeah, well,” Callie said, breezing in after Jake. “I’m babysitting. He’s taking you out drinking.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“I’m not letting you revert to type,” Jake said. “You don’t get to go back to being inside yourself just because she didn’t work out for you. Come on.”

“I vote no,” Colt said. “I’m brooding.”

“You’re going to do it with me. Over a drink.”

And that was how he found himself in his brother’s old ass pickup truck, headed out to the Gold Valley Saloon, a place he had not been to since the night he picked up Mallory. He didn’t like it.

“You’re mad,” he said.

“Yeah, I’m mad. I told her that I loved her. After giving her the best sex of her life. She rejected me.”

“Oh, you’re mad mad.”

“Yes,” Colt bit out.

“And hurt.”

“Fucking heartbroken,” Colt said. “You know, I think you’re an even bigger dick now than I did that night out on the porch at Ryder’s, when you told me about how you rejected Callie. That hurts. You don’t even know.”

“I have a fair idea. Because I wasn’t feeling so hot myself. I imagine your lady isn’t either.”

“Right. I’m sure she’s feeling fine. It was her choice.”

“According to Iris and Griffin, she was pretty broken up about it, actually.”