The Magnolia Chronicles: Adventures in Modern Dating(35)

The stare-off broke only when another voice sounded over my shoulder. "There you are."

At once, Rob and Ben twisted to scowl at the man standing beside me. "Who the fuck is this?" Ben asked.

"Who the fuck are you?" he replied.

"What the fuck is going on?" Rob added.

"He's not with me," I yelled over the testosterone.

At once, Rob and Ben quipped, "What?"

Patrick pointed at Andy. "Mine." He pointed at me. "Not mine." He shuffled past Ben to join Andy on the bench against the wall. "I've been looking for you for half an hour. The Find My iPhone app is not very accurate around here."

"Say that again without sounding like a creeper," Andy said.

"Can't," Patrick replied. "Won't."

"Should," Andy said.

"Wife," Patrick responded.

"Creeper," Andy challenged. She laughed as he placed both hands on her face and moved in for a quick kiss. "Husbands can be creepers."

"Not true," he whispered. "I looked it up."

I choked back a laugh and busied myself with swiping a dollop of chocolate ganache off the remaining half of that Boston Crème.

Ben glanced to Rob, his hands held open. "Let's call that a small victory, yeah?"

"Yeah, it was beginning to feel like presidential primary season in here for a minute," Rob replied.

"I know, right?" Ben bobbed his head in agreement. "I can deal with you but add another motherfucker to the mix and I'm outta my depth."

"For a second I was thinking, holy shit, how many are there?" Rob remarked. "There's a difference between a 5K and an Ironman, you follow me?"

"Oh, I follow you," Ben said. He extended his fist across the table and bumped knuckles with Rob.

This time, I laughed out loud. There was a snort in there too, and it wasn't cute. Honestly, I didn't understand why these men were fighting—and forging a strange friendship—over me.

"Gigi, what's the deal here?" Patrick asked, wagging his finger between the unlikely duo of men in my life.

"This is Rob. That's Ben." I shrugged. "They're, I mean, they're here. With me. They showed up. I didn't invite them. But they're with me and it's…it's complicated."

"Can we decide right now to make it a lot less fuckin' complicated?" Ben asked.

"Yeah," Rob agreed, pressing his knee against my thigh. I was sure he interpreted my gasp as a response to him but it was his knee and Ben's hand covering my kneecap at the same time. That was always the way of it. Rob, then Ben, then me losing my shit. "Go find Sara and get the hell out of here. No more complications."

Ben shot him an unimpressed glare. "Not what I meant, cocksucker, and I think you know that."

I held my palms out as if holding them both in their corners. "Listen, listen. I cannot handle the two of you at once."

"Thank god for that," Ben murmured. "I don't want to be anywhere near his dick."

It was my turn to shoot the unimpressed glares. I didn't care whether his fingers were tormenting that tender backside of my knee. He was getting the glare. "I definitely wasn't referring to that but thank you, Ben. That was super helpful."

"I don't think she'll have any complaints about my dick," Rob said, tipping his chin up. "She already knows what's under the hood."

Ben swiveled toward me, his eyebrows arched up. "I see I have some catching up to do." His stare dropped to my chest, pawing over my breasts. There was no mistaking the familiarity behind his gaze. "But answer me this: Am I the only one lagging behind? Or am I ahead where it matters?"

Never again was I walking across the street in the middle of the night while wearing a baggy tank top. Or asking a guy for dick pics.

Or anything loosely resembling either of those offenses.

Rob pressed his knee into my thigh. "Magnolia, what the fuck is he talking about right now?"

"Andy, I don't understand what's happening here," Patrick said. "What is this about?"

She handed him a chocolate cake donut, saying, "Just eat this and watch. I'll explain later."

I brought my fingers to my temples and rubbed. "Ben. Rob. It would be cool if you'd both shut up. Just stop talking and don't say anything. That would be perfect."

Ben drilled his index finger against the tabletop. "No, that's not how this is going to work."

I laughed again but this time it was stiff, a little annoyed. I batted his hand off my leg. He put it right back. I knocked him off again and this time, he heard the message. "You're not going to dictate the terms of my social life," I said to him. "That's not one of your options. Try again."

"Date us both," Rob said, sitting back in his chair. He crossed his arms over his chest. The move sent his knee sliding higher up my thigh. "We can't keep getting into pissing contests. If you're not willing to cut one of us loose today, then I propose you date us both for a bit."

"Rob, no," I argued. How could he handle that? It drove him crazy knowing I was helping Ben with his house. I couldn't imagine how he'd react knowing we were seeing each other. And I didn't want to do that to him after he'd discovered his ex was the worst woman on the planet. "That's not fair—"