The Magnolia Chronicles: Adventures in Modern Dating(30)

He motioned to his torso. "All yours."

I waved him off and shifted my gaze to the tables around us. "I don't lick guys who can't manage their shit," I said. I didn't say, Not anymore. Thought about it. Kept that tidbit under my hat. "Or guys who think they can legislate how I spend my time or who I spend it with."

The waiter returned with our wine and went to great efforts to present each bottle, uncork them, pour a sample sip, wait for our approval—who the hell sent back wine?—and then top off our glasses. He tied cute little cloth napkin kerchiefs around the bottles and set each in a silver canister. It was a lot of damn effort for wine. I understood there were varying levels to this stuff but I was perfectly satisfied with my screw caps and pink Corksicle tumbler.

Rob held up his glass, waiting for me to follow suit. When I joined him, he said, "My ex cheated on me while I was away on business. Not just once. She cheated on me for two years. With my best friend. The guy I grew up with. I was going to propose to her, and I was going to ask him to stand up as my best man."

Staring at him, I blinked several times. Then I looked away, swinging my gaze from side to side in search of the space to absorb this information without him watching. That was some real shit, and from the two people you were supposed to trust the most.

After a wild-eyed pause too long to be anything but uncomfortable, I asked, "And we're drinking to that?"

He looked at our glasses, still held aloft, and his tight expression broke into a quick laugh. "No. Fuck no," he said. "I just…I hate saying that shit out loud. I hate that it happened. I hate that it happened to me. Sometimes, I hate that I found out because ignorance never fucked me up like this. Then I hate that I'm still fucked up over it and I can't leave town without…"

Rob set his glass down and glanced away.

"Without thinking the person you left at home is going to fuck you over again," I said. Goddamn. I hadn't known I was walking right into the snake pit on this one but here I was, stomping all over Rob's king cobras. "Even if it's irrational, you can't help thinking it." He nodded, still blindly staring across the restaurant. "If it helps, I'm fucked up too."

"You're not fucked up," he replied, hitting me with a half-smile. It was sad and sweet, and left me aching for him. "You're perfect."

My belly swooped. Circumstances aside, I couldn't resist a half-smiled "You're perfect." Nope. I wasn't too proud to admit it either.

"Not too sure about that," I said. "I can't leave my dog with a man I'm dating. Not even for five minutes. I'll call him to follow me if I leave the room because I can't deal with the possibility my dog will get hurt. It's been…hmm, what is it now, three years? Yeah, three years this summer and I can't leave my dog alone with a guy. Not without a full-blown panic attack."

Rob's gaze scraped over me as if he was trying to find my soft spots by looks alone. "Someone did something to your dog?"

I pinched my fingers around the stem of the wineglass and twirled the base against the tablecloth. "My ex stole my dog. Some other stuff too but my dog was the most important thing he stole. A bunch of my friends had to raid his place to get Gronk back."

"I love that you named him Gronk. Such a big name for a little dog," Rob said, that half-smile still in place. "Does he have that Gronkowski spirit?"

"Oh, yeah," I replied, grinning at the thought of the former New England Patriots tight end. “Feisty as fuck. Except he doesn't know he's a small dog. He thinks he's just as big and tough as his namesake."

"That's amazing," Rob murmured. "But I hate that ex of yours. I want to fucking kill him."

"I hate that ex of yours. The ex-friend too. I'm not the murderous type but I hope some Black Swallow-wort takes over their yards. It's one of the most invasive vines in the region. Impossible to kill."

We studied each other, the moment stretching long and taut as we assessed the texture and shape of each other's war wounds. They were numerous, several as raw and pulsing as the day we'd earned them. And yet here we were, lining up for another battle as if we'd fortified ourselves enough to stay safe and whole this time.

"I feel like an asshole saying this but it's not you, it's me," Rob said. "I'm not trying to imply that you'd do anything like they did or that I don't trust you. This is all about me and I can't change it."

I could finally hear those words without feeling the urge to make excuses or apologize. I'd done it before. It wasn't me, but I was still sorry about the version of myself available for consumption. It wasn't me, but let me list all the reasons I could've been better.

This time, I offered no apology because I was as close to whole as any broken girl could be. Pieces of myself were gone, lost to previous relationships. Tough, leathery scar tissue filled the gaps and holes where my na?veté once lived.

"I know," I said. "And I know this isn't what you want to hear but are you sure you're ready to get over her with a meaningless fling?"

"It seemed like a good plan at the time," he said, his brow crinkling. A beat passed between us before a warm glow spread over him as if he'd stepped out from behind a shadow. "But this isn't meaningless, Magnolia. Nowhere near meaningless. Hasn't been since you demanded a dick pic, love."