The Best Goodbye (Rosemary Beach, #13)(43)

“We can’t do this,” I said, sounding like I’d just run five miles.

The look in Captain’s eyes was too much, so I looked over his shoulder at the moon. I couldn’t look at him right now. I felt the heat he was feeling, too. I just didn’t know what we were going to do with it. Because quickie grope sessions were not something I was OK with.

“I fought touching you all night, and I just . . .” He paused. “I lost control for a minute. I had to touch you and taste you again.”

Well, he got props for being honest. I glanced back at the truck, glad that Franny was still sleeping. “I need to get her to bed. It’s late,” I said.

“I’ll carry her in,” Captain said, turning to open the truck door and retrieve our daughter.

I opened the front door. Deep breaths and the evening breeze helped to cool my flushed skin. I could feel Captain’s eyes on me as he walked inside, but I wouldn’t look at him. I couldn’t. He had to know how this made me feel. This wasn’t fair. He wasn’t being fair.

“Where to?” he whispered. I nodded in the direction of the bedroom and led the way so I could pull back the covers.

I slipped off her sandals and quickly tucked her in, kissing her forehead as she curled deeper into the covers. When I turned around, Captain was watching her sleep. The love in his eyes made my stomach feel funny, and I had to leave him there. If he wanted to soak in that moment, fine. But I didn’t have to watch him do it. That played with another set of my heartstrings.

I felt him move and knew he was following me. The soft click of the bedroom door made me wish I’d stayed in there with Franny. Safe from him. Safe from my weakness and emotions.

“I’m not going to apologize for that out there,” he said, his voice low.

I didn’t turn back to look at him. “I was a willing participant. No need for you to apologize.”

He let out a heavy sigh. “Come on, Addy. Look at me.”

The idea of looking at him scared me. Even now, my body was still humming. Looking at him would not help. “It’s late,” I said.

I heard his heavy footsteps and tensed as his warmth drew closer to me. If he touched me, I had to remember myself. Our daughter was asleep just a room away.

“I want to protect you. From everything. I always have. But I don’t think I can protect you from me. I thought I could.” His voice was so close I could feel the warmth of his breath. “I can’t. I want you too bad. I want to be able to touch you. It’s not gone for me, Addy. None of it is gone.”

I took a step back and bumped into the bar. “Why do you think I need to be protected from you?” I asked. When had I ever needed that?

He dropped his gaze this time, and I thought he was going to shut me out, but instead, he ran the backs of his fingers down my arm and over my hand in a gentle caress. “I’ve done a lot. Things that damaged me. I thought I was too broken ever to feel this way again. I didn’t think my blackened soul could need, want, desire, anyone again.”

Although I wanted to know what he had done, that wasn’t what I was clinging to at the moment. He wanted, needed, and desired me.

“I think you brought a piece of me back to life. The biggest piece of me. The piece I lost when I thought you were gone. I feel so much more than I’ve felt in a long time.” His hand slipped into mine, and I let him thread our fingers together.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“Everything. We’re doing everything. I’m all in. I’ve always been all in with you. That hasn’t changed.”

Wow. Not what I expected. “What does ‘all in’ mean?” I asked. I didn’t want to hope for anything.

He cupped my face with his free hand. His other hand was still holding mine. “I want you. I want our daughter. I want to be more than a part of your lives. I want to be in your lives. But right now, I want you. I want you so damn bad I can’t focus.”

My mouth opened slightly as I stared up at him.

“Come out to my truck. I just need to touch you a little, Addy. Please,” he begged, pulling me toward him. He didn’t kiss me. He kept his gaze locked on mine as he waited for me to reply.

Franny was a deep sleeper. Going out to his truck was safe. She couldn’t hear us out there. “OK,” I whispered.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and then his hand tightened around mine as he moved so quickly I almost lost my balance. He all but pulled me behind him out the door. When we got to the steps, he scooped me up and took several long strides until he was at his truck, jerking the door open.

I fell back on my elbows onto the backseat and stared at him as he hovered over me. His eyes slowly roved down my body, until they landed on the hem of my sundress, which rode up as I slid back, exposing my bare thighs and a glimpse of the matching red panties underneath.

“Red,” he said, then looked up at me. “They’re f*cking red. I was tormented all night by what color they might be. Never imagined they’d match this sexy little dress.”

The dress wasn’t sexy. It was a simple red sundress. I liked the way it fit.

He watched my face as he ran his hand up my leg. His fingers slid just inside my closed thighs, and he pushed them open. “I want this,” he said, lowering his mouth to mine.

I wanted this, too, and if he didn’t give it to me, I was going to take it.