The Best Goodbye (Rosemary Beach, #13)(45)
Captain
I like it that way.
What the f*ck did that mean? She’d said she hadn’t been with anyone else, and the last time she did this, she didn’t gag herself. I watched her as the head of my swollen cock slid into her throat. At the moment, I couldn’t f*cking worry about what she meant.
God, she was gorgeous.
I shifted my attention to the hand she had between her open thighs, and my dick throbbed in her tight, hot mouth. Never had a blow job felt this damn good. She wasn’t an expert, but the fact that she was giving it everything she had, while her round ass was up in the air as she got herself off, was making this my own personal fantasy come true.
She moaned, and the vibration made me clench my abs in an attempt to keep from going off in her mouth. I couldn’t do that to her. I never did back when we were younger.
Her tongue came out and flicked my sensitive head, and I grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her off me. “I’m gonna come,” I panted, needing to keep from shooting off in her face.
She looked up at me as she shoved my cock down her throat, just as she got off on her hand, trembling and moaning. I lost it. Holding her head but not wanting her to stop now, I shot my release down her throat, and she took it all, not once coming up or gagging.
“Fuck, Addy, f*ck, baby,” I growled as the pleasure rocked me. Watching her take all of me had me wanting to turn this dirty. The kind of dirty I liked. The idea only made my cock twitch back to life as she slowly pulled her lips up and let me go with a smile before she licked the little that had leaked out.
The pleased smile on her face was so damn adorable. I reached for the hand that had been between her legs and grabbed her wrist, bringing it to my mouth so I could suck her fingers.
“Oh,” she murmured, watching me, her thighs still open as she knelt on the seat, watching me.
When I had her fingers clean, I dropped her hand and asked the one thing I really f*cking needed to know but was afraid to ask. “How did you know you liked to gag?” I asked.
She frowned at first, then understanding dawned on her, and she grinned, ducking her head shyly. How could she get shy on me now, after all this? “Just because I haven’t been with another man doesn’t mean I haven’t used my imagination to get some release.”
I wasn’t sure I liked that answer. “And who were you picturing?” I asked, still needing to hear it had only been me. Even if that was unfair, I couldn’t help it.
With the most sincere expression I’d ever seen, she said simply, “You. Who else would I fantasize over?”
I reached for her and pulled her onto my lap and claimed her mouth.
When she pressed her wet, bare * over my semihard cock, I had to break the kiss to move her back. If she did that, I’d end up f*cking her right here in the backseat, and we’d be in this truck all night. That wasn’t where I wanted us to be the first time we slept together again. She deserved more. I’d already let her suck me off. I had to control myself. She wasn’t some slut. She was my Addy.
“No. Not here. Not like this.” My voice was affected. The needing ache was impossible to miss. Addy scooted closer as I set her back. Pushing her away went against every instinct I had, but I wasn’t letting it happen this way. I’d hate myself for it. “Addy, baby, not in this damn truck. At least, not the first time.”
“This isn’t the first time, or did you forget?” she asked, tilting her head to the side with a teasing grin.
“I never forgot that. Never will,” I replied, reaching up to cup the side of her face. “Always this face.” I didn’t say more. She knew what I meant. Neither of us needed me to explain.
She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. “OK,” she whispered.
Needing this woman had never changed for me. When she was a girl, I’d needed her to complete me. So I could survive. Now that I had her in my arms again, I still needed her. This was how it felt to be whole. It had been so long since I had this feeling that I’d forgotten what it was like.
Addy slid off my lap and sat on the seat beside me. “I need to go back inside in case Franny wakes up,” she explained, and reached for the door handle.
“I’ll walk you inside,” I said, opening the truck door on my side and hopping out, then reaching inside to take her hand.
She slid her hand into mine, and I wanted to keep it there forever. Holding on to this. Part of me feared I’d wake up soon and this would all be a dream. That I wouldn’t have Addy or Franny. That my life would still be devoid of emotion. Devoid of need.
“What’s that look for?” she asked.
I shook off those thoughts and tightened my hold on her hand as I started walking toward her door. “Nothing.”
That wasn’t enough for her, though. She stopped walking and tugged on my arm to get my attention. “Don’t say nothing. I know that frown. It’s the ‘River is thinking unhappy thoughts’ frown. What are you thinking?”
Once, I had been able to tell her everything. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that now. I had darkness in my life that she’d never understand. I couldn’t share those things, not if I wanted to keep her in my life. I had to be worthy of her and Franny. My past was something that would have to stay a secret.
“Just don’t want to wake up and find out this is all a dream,” I replied finally. Every truth I could tell her, I would. It would make up for the lies I would also have to tell.