The Best Goodbye (Rosemary Beach, #13)(39)

“Would you like a drink?” she asked, glancing back at me.

I jerked my gaze off her butt to shake my head. “No, I’m good, thanks.”

“OK, then, talk.” She looked at me with a directness I wasn’t used to from her. Lately, she hardly looked me in the eyes. But then I’d brought that on myself, too. She motioned for me to take a seat on the sofa, and she sat in the chair across from it.

I wished I’d come more prepared. I had made a rushed decision to come over once she wasn’t at work, but now that I had her alone, I didn’t know where to start. She looked annoyed. Again, I wasn’t used to that.

“What happened in my office, I handled that wrong. I got caught up in the moment, and then your words brought me back to reality. For . . .” I paused, because this next part needed to be worded carefully. Upsetting her now wasn’t a good idea. I doubted she’d give me another chance to rectify things. And for Franny’s sake more than anything else, I needed her to like me. Trust me. Again.

“The past ten years vanished, and it was just us. You were . . . mine, and I lost my head. I was back there in that time when you trusted me and you were the reason I woke up every morning. My head was slow catching up with my heart or emotions or whatever. I just handled it all wrong. When I realized what I was doing, it was too late. I’d taken a step too far.”

Addy’s gaze dropped to her lap as she twisted her hands. I’d have given anything to know what she was thinking. I replayed what I’d said in my head, hoping it sounded the way I’d meant it to. Downplaying what had happened between us wasn’t what I wanted to do. Not with Addy. Because I had been lost in her at that moment and wouldn’t take it back.

“I think I got lost, too. You were just River for a moment. So I understand.” She lifted her gaze to meet mine, and I saw hurt there that twisted my gut. “But what happened in the kitchen? Why did you get so angry? Neither Brad nor I did anything to ignite your anger.”

Shit. Fuck. I didn’t have an answer for this, and if this was why she looked hurt, I hated that even more. The idea that she might have feelings for Brad just about undid me. I couldn’t handle it. No, we weren’t the Addy and River from our past, but hell if I was going to sit back and let her fall in love with another man when I’d been the only one she’d ever known.

That knowledge had kept me up all night. Addy had only been touched by me. She’d given herself to me, and she was still mine in that sense. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she had saved herself for me. In her heart, she belonged to me.

Fuck if that didn’t make me feel like a caveman. I wanted that. I loved it. I obsessed over it. And I wanted to keep it that way. Fact was, I couldn’t keep every Brad out of her life, nor did she deserve that. It wasn’t fair.

Especially since I was too f*cked-up to be what she needed.

I knew she was waiting for me to answer her. I could lie. It would be easier on both of us. But I didn’t want to lie to her.

“I was jealous,” I said simply. Her eyes widened, and she didn’t say anything, but the surprise on her face meant that I needed to say more. She’d get the wrong idea.

“You’d just told me I was the only man you’d ever been with. Old feelings came roaring back, and I won’t lie to you, Addy, for a man, that’s intense. Especially when we had the connection we had. One that has stayed with me and changed the course of my life. Knowing you’d only been with me, well, that had me raw. When I heard Brad making you laugh, I snapped. The possessiveness I have no right to feel clawed to the surface, and I acted like a jackass. I shouldn’t have. I won’t again. I’m sorry.”

Addy let out a sigh and nodded. She kept her expression neutral. The only thing that gave anything away was her eyes. They were unsure. That much I knew. I wouldn’t lead her on. I couldn’t do that to her or our daughter. What we needed was a friendship. That was something I could give her. I’d keep the dirt on my hands off her.

“I want to be in Franny’s life. She’s perfect. I thought she was all you, but she’s just your look-alike. She has me in her as well, and seeing that is the most precious gift I’ve ever been given. You were the only family that mattered in my life for so long. Now you’ve given me someone who’s a part of me. Someone I can love unconditionally.”

Addy’s eyes filled with unshed tears, and she sniffed and nodded her head. “OK. Yeah. I want you in her life, too. She wants you there. She’s already telling everyone at school her father is the biggest, strongest man on earth.” She blinked back the tears. “Our past will come up sometimes. It’s impossible for it not to. Emotions will get tangled, and I don’t think we can stop that from happening. But I want Franny to have you in her life. I want her to have what we didn’t.”

Addy had already given her that, but I understood what she meant. I wanted that, too. I just had to protect Addy from me while giving them both what they needed.





Addy


Things at work went smoothly with Captain after he came over. I tried not to wish for more. Every time he smiled at me or made a joke, watching me to see if I’d laugh, my heart melted a little more. I knew that guy. River was beginning to show through, and every time he did, I fell just a little more.

Brad had taken a major step back, and I was actually relieved. I didn’t want to feel like I had to be careful around Brad if he flirted with me. Captain had said he wouldn’t do it again, but I simply didn’t like the idea of Captain having a hard time watching Brad and me together. Maybe that was a weak-woman thing, and maybe I should be stronger. Make him suffer. But I didn’t play games. I wasn’t going to start now.